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Arcy88's Homepage http://www.zorpia.com/Arcy88 Mon, 04 Jan 2010 17:46 EST Mon, 04 Jan 2010 17:46 EST Zorpia.com ekk http://www.zorpia.com/Arcy88/journal/1887036 hallo test abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvxz Personal http://www.zorpia.com/Arcy88/journal/1887036 Tue, 10 Mar 2009 00:08 EST womams http://www.zorpia.com/Arcy88/journal/1412395 <div><div>Ok, so there's a lot of stereotypes here, but still funny.....</div><div></div><div></div><div>Dating... WHITE WOMEN: First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit. Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position. IRISH WOMEN: First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex. ITALIAN WOMEN: First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant. Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs. Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring. 5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex. 6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress. JEWISH WOMEN: First Date: You get terrific head. Second Date: You get even more great head. Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again. CHINESE WOMEN: First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens. Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again. Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing is ever going to happen. INDIAN WOMEN: First date: Meet her parents. Second date: Set the date of the wedding. Third date: Wedding night. BLACK WOMEN: First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner. Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner. Third Date: You get to pay her rent. Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you. MEXICAN WOMEN: First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car. Second Date: She's pregnant. Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's Boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip. ARAB WOMEN: First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire arab community finds out. Second Date: You are shot dead. No third date.</div></div> Personal http://www.zorpia.com/Arcy88/journal/1412395 Sun, 23 Oct 2005 22:10 EST FINAL EXAMS http://www.zorpia.com/Arcy88/journal/1391511 <table border="0"><tr><td width="600" colspan="2" height="1">FINAL EXMSFun things to do in a final exam that you have not studied for, and you are going to fail the class anyways!    </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="1"> </td><td width="577" height="1">Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="1"> </td><td width="577" height="1">Bring cheerleaders.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="2"> </td><td width="577" height="2">Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="2"> </td><td width="577" height="2">Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="1"> </td><td width="577" height="1">Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="2"> </td><td width="577" height="2">Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="2"> </td><td width="577" height="2">As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="4"> </td><td width="577" height="4">Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="2"> </td><td width="577" height="2">Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="2"> </td><td width="577" height="2">Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="2"> </td><td width="577" height="2">Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="1"> </td><td width="577" height="1">Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="1"> </td><td width="577" height="1">Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="1"> </td><td width="577" height="1">Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="3"> </td><td width="577" height="3">Bring pets.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="3"> </td><td width="577" height="3">On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="3"> </td><td width="577" height="3">Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="2"> </td><td width="577" height="2">Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="4"> </td><td width="577" height="4">Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="2"> </td><td width="577" height="2">Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="2"> </td><td width="577" height="2">If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.  </td></tr><tr><td width="60" height="1"> </td><td width="577" height="1">Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.</td></tr></table> Personal http://www.zorpia.com/Arcy88/journal/1391511 Wed, 05 Oct 2005 22:51 EST