Journals
Thursday,Sep 20 2007, 07:54:16 PMSoul Mate
If you could read my mind....There you would find
...The two of us intertwined
...The image of you I have
memorized
....I remember enough to fantasize
...I close my eyes and there
you are
....In my mind, so you\'re never
far......I caress your lips, your
face, your hair
....And hold you close, so I
can feel you there.
Our hands all over one another
....Roaming in places meant
only for lovers.
....My heart, it yearns for
you.
....My soul, it reaches out
for you.
....In my every waking thought
....I know you too have not
forgot
The love we share
....The passion, the bliss
.....I could never forget the
way you shower that kiss.
...And though the ocean separates
us,
.....I know again, I will feel
your sweet touch.
.......You were sent to me from
up above
..To stay with me, forever
in love.
......Within my heart I know it\'s
true.
......you know my soul mate that , I have found you!.....
Thursday,Sep 13 2007, 09:33:16 PMWhy Me!! I Am not The Me
I know a person—ok, a lot of people—who seemingly have lost the ability to confess or admit an “I don't know”. You know the type...they always have done a thing you've done and done it better, or they know someone (a very close and dear friend, to be sure!) who is better than you at it.
They own every conversation that comes up, or, actually lacking the background to own the topic, will disrupt the entire proceeding and steer the whole mess into Known Territory. Many have accused me of being one of those knows a lot, who thinks he knows more than he does.
What I have not been accused of, so far at least, is avoiding topics for which I don't have significant experience or knowledge. Still, those who don't know me—who, ironically, are out of their depths—seem to take it upon themselves to call me a know-it-all. Well, I don't. I never claimed so. Here's a few, just for the record:
• I don't know if there is a god or not.
• I don't know what it's like to have sex with a woman.
• I don't know what it's like to be a woman
• I don't know what I'd do if I were a woman or man who had to Choose.
• I don't know what it's like to suffer anything but my life that seems wrong with me anyways.
• I don't know enough about String Theory to hold a meaningful conversation
• I don't know what my immediate future holds.
• I don't understand how other people's definition of friendship can be so different from mine.............
• I don't know why people so often decide not to decide or otherwise prefer to follow.......
What I do know: I know enough to know that I can't ever know enough. I don't know how I could have been so trite right then.
Thursday,Sep 13 2007, 08:37:14 PM:(
Everyone thinks they've got me under their thumb ... that they can read me like a book... if only they could read my mind they'd be shocked! a lot of the time I'd rather be alone or with just one of meh close friends who is a soulmate who doesnt feel meh soul cause i m ...... ...I hate being judged and misunderstood by others then there is sometimes when I'm thinking way ahead of the conversation and I say something that no one gets... I feel like they think I'm stupid, dull, slow or something... then like 3 mintues later when they all catch up I'm like yeah" that's why I said............... a minute ago" instead of them reading my mind maybe it would be better if I could read theirs... then I'd know what they truely think of me...maybe I'm too insecure?
Friday,Sep 7 2007, 07:59:58 PMNothing I could do More
Something tells me that you have a problem with me A little voice inside my head keeps saying, “Hey, Look at him. He knows that you’re a freak. He knows that you’re a screw up.” What did I ever do to you? I never hurt you the way you hurt me I tried to make things work out Leaving wasn’t my choice It was all yours I wanted you to stay Now that you’re gone I see just how dumb I was to have stayed with you You still treat me like dirt Even after everything is said and done At the end of the day, I’m still the one that you love to kick around Yet you say that you love me You say that you want nothing more than to just be with me again You know that’s not going to happen You lost your chance with me I’m living what I thought was only a dream now I have what I’ve wanted for 3 years I’m finally happy Can’t you see that? But every time I reach out to you You throw my hand back in my face You push me further and further away I can’t keep reaching for you And I won’t It’s not me that needs to try to fix this one I tried to help the last one That didn’t work You left instead of being the man and trying to make things better You took the easy way out Just think I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life And that was the plan The plan was also to never leave each other You broke that pact; you left me I’m not saying I was perfect, but I didn’t leave I was willing to work things out I was willing to sacrifice for the sake of us All the things that I asked you to do Were either so that you would be healthier Or safer or so that “we” wouldn’t be compromised I was looking at the greater good But I see now that you were looking to feel better You didn’t really want someone to spend forever with You wanted someone to make you feel wanted Someone to be there for you Someone you could treat like a dog and have them take it Someone to be there whenever you needed them and not look for anything in return I’m not that kind of person I need things in return Love is a balance of give and receive Not a one side getting everything and the other getting nothing That’s not love And that’s not a relationship I wanted both You couldn’t provide either You claim to love me and be in love with me If all that is so true Then why aren’t you willing to hold down a simple friendship with me? Why can’t you keep that one promise? You can’t be my best friend anymore And a part of me doesn’t want you to be A big part of me wants to forget about you Forget you existed That you meant everything to me Stop kicking around your memory Stop hearing your thoughts, your smiles, your unspoken words A part of me wishes it was never real Another part wants you to be what you promised me you would be A friend That no matter what happened There would still be at least a friendship All of me knows that won’t happen None of me is ok with that A smile can be faked A laugh forced Tears conjured But love Love is never fake Never pretend But whatever it is that you feel for me I’m convinced that it’s not real You may have loved me once But not anymore This feeling you feel isn’t love It’s lust, desire, loneliness Nothing more We used to have everything And now We have nothing And I’m still here picking up the pieces Of what’s left Of the heart you said you’d never break And the trust you said you’d never betray