Journals
Sunday,Feb 18 2007, 07:23:01 PMLet's Have a Laugh...
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U C L A.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Monday,Feb 12 2007, 05:48:26 PMA Blessing
A Blessing...
Lonely, Cold and Hungry
He sleeps upon the street,
with no spare change for a cup of tea
and no shoes upon his feet.
He begs for money
from passers-by
but no-one stops
to ask him "why"?
Why he has no home
to shelter in?
why he looks for food
in the garbage bin?
Why he has no-one
to hold him tight?
to keep him safe
through the cold dark night.
Next time you see him
on a cold and wet day,
look up to the sky,
close your eyes, and pray,
Ask the Lord in heaven
to make this mans life new,
and Thank him for the blessing
that this poor man isn't YOU!
copyright Juliana Bond 2006
Monday,Feb 12 2007, 05:10:49 PMBurning Passion...
Burning Passion...
Have you ever loved somebody
so much that you 'could die'?
Have you ever felt loved
so much that you 'could cry'?
Have you ever felt love
in your every vein?
A love so strong
that it cause's you pain?
A love that just 'oozes'
from every pore in your flesh
Filling your soul
with thoughts oh so 'fresh'
Overwhelming your being
the desires are intense
The scorching passion in your blood
is so immense!
If you have these emotions
It really is true!
That you are feeling for me
What I'm feeling for you!
copyright Juliana Bond 2006
Sunday,Feb 11 2007, 01:54:25 PMTake Hold of Your Dream
you feel like there's nowhere for you to go
you feel you are stuck in a rut
but then you sit back and remember
where it was that you wanted to be
you recall all those dreams that you held close to you
those dreams that would set you free
Now its time that you sat back again
and took stock of all that you've achieved
and remember your very first reason
the one that made you believe
The one that made you get up
and strive for what you feel
the dream that made you realise
you could make it all so real
Grab your dream with both hands
and dispel all the negative hurdles
when we begin to listen to others
that's when our dream curdles
all mixed up with what others say
confused with the paths we have taken
but now sit back and remember
let those dreams and goals re-awaken
Take hold of your dreams and hold them real tight
and determine your road to success
and remember that if you forget your goal
you will only end up in a mess!
No-one can give you a dream
its something that's already yours
its something you hold deep within you
only you can open those doors
Only you can know what you really want
what would really make you who you are
hold on to your dreams and persue them
and beleive me you'll take yourself far!
copyright Juliana Bond 2007