Journals
Monday,Dec 21 2009, 10:31:59 AMWho IS Pulling The Sleigh This Year?
Santa Claus has a problem this year - Rudolph and the other reindeer have gone on strike, being sick of all the carrots and issuing a demand for a fair share of the mince pies and sherry.
Negotiations having broken down, Santa got to thinking about what other means he might find of pulling his sleigh. He quickly ruled out the high tec jet propulsion sheme offered up by his chief elf, but did think well, why not have a suggestion box.
A couple of days later he looked through all the slips of paper in the box and made a decision based upon the best prospects for availability, keeping some sort of traditional connection and most of all avoiding demands for a share of the sherry!
And so folks, this year the sleigh will be pulled by felines and canines , the former at the front and the latter trying hard to catch up. As Santa reasoned, we might expect reindeers, but reincats and rein dogs aren't so very far from tradition are they - people are always talking about reining cats and dogs.....
Another R.Humour original, brought to you courtesy of Bristol Cream ;)
Thursday,Dec 17 2009, 08:17:12 AMSpoof
Spoof
Fernelopee Cruise was the gal to choose
Thomas sure thought so and off he did go
to meet up with her and make love without care
when the press discover they'll split on the pair
bring all their deeds to light, just what they did that night
such acts to shame any and they were to be many
for back again they went till their energies were spent
leaving in some disarray, clothes all covered in hay........
(c)Rhumour
December 6th 2009
Tuesday,Aug 11 2009, 02:37:34 PMAll Butt All
Barely bothered as he lay down his weary head
Life was so much hassle,
he just wished he could be dead
The medics kept his ticker beating as it should
But at what quality of living,
he felt none understood
It's a dogs life he thought with such irony
If I had but been a dog,
wouldn't they end this misery
Brighter days were now few and so far between
His memories still strong within him,
but peace now came only in the midst of dream
Longing for something he saw just out of reach
He pushed hard on his buzzer
then heard a distant screach
Flustered she entered, hair in a mess
He could see that she'd been busy
from the creases in her dress
Shaky finger pointing at what he wished to hold
Pink faced she fetched it
keen to do what she was told
For in his eyes she had no doubt at all
Was a look of pity for her
which made her feel quite small
Looks can be deceptive as he was flustered too
That was no look of pity
just embarrassed by the view
For in her haste to run there when she heard the call
her hem was caught up at the rear
so revealing all butt all
Thus the simple glance of two pins was all it took
To make him think the day had been
much brighter for that look.......
(c)Rhumour
August 5th 2009
Thursday,Mar 19 2009, 07:40:36 PMThe Matter Bees
Oh dear what can the matter bees
Have been doing there up amongst the trees
I never saw a hive like that one there before
It's so very similar to the house next door
They are so very clever at taking just thin nothing
And weaving it in such a way as to make most anything
Are they the answer from nature to nano bots
Which Red Dwarf taught us could also make lots and lots
Johnny should really be made aware of this
Is that his real girl he's about to kiss
Or indeed can I be sure that it is him there
As there seem to be two Johnny's down at the fair
If we could just harness the power of the matter bees
Soon we would overcome all of those shortages
There would be no more droughts or calamaties
Surely they could engineer away all our disease
All we have to find now is a way to please
And communicate with the matter bees
And of course remind them of the planning rules
Before they start to build copies of our schools
For while we may admire all they could do for us
Rules is rules and anway how could we get there by bus
If they build them way up high just like that house
But oh no I just saw them launch a flying mouse
Tell Johnny to come home from that fair
As he was sent to get a cat from there
If the mice are all to be flying now
Lets just how they stop before they make a cow
For whilst they may like to add wings to everything
We hope they will remember what a stink
It would leave if the cow pats were to descend
Over each and everything we might end
Screaming out oh what can the matter bees
Be thinking of making cows to live up in trees
Now Johnny will you please scare them away for us
Before these matter bees cause us such a lot of fuss
(c)Rhumour
March 19th 2009
Saturday,Feb 28 2009, 06:15:42 AMNornesaynce
T'was burbag and the truggled haze
Craggled around as marnocks played
Pent with holrocks and prewmans sap
Cundled under the wranten flack
Astrapped in heirans wurgled view
They slarvened ever in purndax dew
Ne'er betraven but oft brendelled
Camping hendrill under corflay's fendled
Warvend endrass grew so forlaid
Knairtrune agfern as many crayed
Sumptumanic flosstrewn grown large
Bahnderstung in yain Prinsworn barge
Shenkerd larvacs fribbled arwraze
Bernsprain awlarn in frenturbic days
Pent up yender crafshorn dralls
Ti's ne'er to splenshan in the malls
(c)Rhumour
February 27th 2009