Saturday,Feb 14 2009, 07:07:04 PM14th February 2009

Erm... ok... here it goes.. Happy Valentine's Day to everyone out there who took the trouble and pleasure for reading this...Alone? Cheer up... it's alrite... like the chinese saying... if the other side of yours is good... you can spend the other half of your life happily... if the other side of yours.. screwed up? means for the rest of your life as well... so look at the bright side...

Started pretty bad for the breakfast.. my team not that ready... was abit chaos.. then followed by the lunch... totally disaster... Dinner? It was acceptable and everyone playing their roles with pride and responsibilities... Now the question is... how did it went wrong?

I took a step back today and look at the whole picture and realized... the leader plays a major role for the out come of the team... Agree? No? Some of you all must have thought is an easy life for a leader... which means .. walk around and giving instructions... and everyone followed... how hard could that be? Think again...

 Ok this is what happened.. Started off pretty bad this week which is on Tuesday.. something personal... everything kicked off bad from me... as I'm the leader.. I fully accept the consequences and bear fully responsibilities... Because of a person... who walk into my life unexpectedly... and rocking the soul in me... some might say... it's ok... you're just an human being with warm blooded... all this kind of situation is unavoidable... while some might says... where is your code of ethics? where is your professionalism? where is your real passion? Untill today... I finally found the answer...

I choosed this profession is out of the passion and the instinct inside me... I've tried to run away from this field.. but at the end.. the harder and further I tried to run away.. still.. I'm back to it.. I must admit that I'm fucking good in operation, planning, managing, organising and giving commands in the kitchen.... Now since I'm so proud and love for what I'm doing... so what went wrong?

Simple... human error and low grades of emotional qualities... or some called it experience... This person walks into my life and in a way ... she did really bring joy into my life .. kind of short term thou and I thought I was falling in love... but it seems it is an obssesion... I thought waking up in the morning ... the first person comes into my mind shows I'm in LOVE? for fuck sake... WRONG! I was very lucky... to know a person in here... she will be reading this... and she did awakes me... when 2 different cultures being together... is kind of enjoyment.. which leads into obsessions...

I was down.. frustrated.. sad... unhappy.. depressing... which I let it effected my work... which I shouldn't but I did.. I lost weight... my outlook like a zombie... fucking hell... how could this be to a person who is so out going.. down to earth... and the most of all... is being very well respected.. whenever I start work in the morning.. walking thru from the enterance to my baby (kitchen).. Morning Chef!.. how's it going Chef? Anything new Chef? is among those greetings I'll be getting... I never realized this... as when I sit down and re-thought the whole scenario... people respected me for who I am and I'm letting it go... just because of a person? Worth it? I'm asking myself.....

But in her... I did learned something new... self exploration... yeah... a never ending journey.. with someone who's been polishing the fine qualities within me advice... I've learned between work and personal shouldn't mix together... It's a big mistake... when you finish your work for that day... leave it as what it is... never bring home or don't ever let it grow inside you... what I've done wrong here is... since I'm the general in charge... PUSHY is a nature attitude to get things done... and I let it grew within me..

I got a weakness within me... aggresive and impatiences... this 2 can be your friends or your enemies.. depends how you applied in you... in my work... I need this 2 to get things done... in my life... oh well... fuck it... need I say more... for the past few days... I've been baby sitting my little heart...feeling empty and broken... I lick my wounds... and ended up... I screwing my profession...

It's been very clear now... should I hang on to it and keep on pursuing? Seriously... fuck me for being naive... I''ve tried to give my best.... e.g. asked for a pair of sunglass... I bought her 2... as we're from same race sharing the same culture... during the festive season.. I bought her 2 dress as it's a believes of new beginning... logistic is been very detail taking care of from transporting from her place to meeting point... every single details is been very considered and well taken care for... since her profession is very demanding as well which means festive season celebration will not be in the iterninary... pre-celebration is being well planned.. a bouquet of 101 flowers, a self baked cake ( her personal fav), since she will be away for 7 days... 7 little card individually wrapped with my thoughts of her written on it.. labelled with different dates to be openned.. and at the end of the day? Just a single and simple Happy Valentine's sms would be enough to melt me away like the chocolate in the bain marie... Nothing.... isn't that clear enough to wakey wakey?

Very well... time to move on and be back for the person which I am... a person who always on the go... who never gives up struggling... who enjoyed on the edge situation.. who enjoys being in command... sending out soldiers for battle....

 Have a good day....

Cheers!

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Tuesday,Feb 10 2009, 06:12:50 PMLost...

Lost... just a little word which greatly define a moment of truth... I do wonder.. how well I could use this word on me. Been really hard trying to be a strong person.. believe me... I've gave out the best of me... but it seems the best is not enough....

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Thursday,Jan 29 2009, 05:55:44 PMTittle? Wtf?

Supposed to be fresh up to be in at work today at 6am... but it seems for the past 7 days really change my lifestyle... been sleeping in the early hrs... so kind of difficult for me to adjust myself accordingly... the very thing I admired in human body... how it's can really adjust itself to suit the person life... maybe it's just me... correct me if Im wrong thou... (maybe too much of Dr House)

After 7 days of roller coaster .. ups and downs...finally I back to work... it seems all my colleagues do miss me.. maybe Im in their eyes.. am easy kind of ...

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