Journals
Wednesday,Jun 29 2005, 06:56:17 AMBroken.
Well.. dez has been doing what she did last summer.. staying up while i sleep.. and flirting like mad with everyone she possibly can in one night. so.. i wanted a break.. she took it as a break up i guess.. and went into hyper fuck mode.. now she is taking names and goin at em. im just pissed. to me.. the words "i love you" are for only the one you truly love.. now "i love you cause your there for me" or "i love you like a friend" so different right? but none of that was said.. just "i love you" and her jerking with his dick and such.. all on her little site. and.. im feeling down.. like christa all over again.. there is almost no difference.. dez is a lesser extreem.. but still the very same situation.. after christa.. i swore off relationships.. serious ones anyway. and dez changed that in me.. thought she was just.. different.. she was so perfect.. then summer hit.. she turned into something shes not.. no matter how much she wants to argue it.. i do know the real her.. but she is so so so so so so so so so so so easily influenced.. the summer hits, she gets bored, talks to people, and she believes what she hears, she grows emotions within min as long as im out of the way and not there to distract her.. and well.. now im not.. and im so fucking mad. i fell for another christa. i never thought i would.. its the one god damn thing i never wanted again.. and here it is.. staring me in the face. well now dez is saying she is lezbo, she will adopt african kids later on in life i guess.. she seems to already have plans to meet a chick lol.. a nice world i have stumbled upon.. all i have to say.. is with christa.. the love wasnt true.. it hurt like mad... i have still been known to cry about her taking my virginity.. but with dez.. makes christa's pain look like a poke. so fuck it.. i know nothing.. nor will i ever say im "in love" cause thats shit. for sure. sad thing is.. i still love her with all my heart.. and i dont think i want too.. but.. i cant help it.. love.. its.. its great.. but awful.
Monday,Jun 27 2005, 04:45:45 AM:S
Well on the 25'th (yesturday) i had my 2 year anniversary with desiree :) i had a big long lovefilled journal on it.. but zorpia erased it and said it couldnt post it.. so.. that just discouraged me.. so here i am writing a much crappier version lol.. so lately, i have been quite bored.. but that will change tomarrow.. cause i will go into math lab to try to learn this damn bloody math.. but anyway.. things have been about normal i suppose.. just so happy me and dez passed that 2 year mark.. makes me happy.. i hope to have many many more anniversary's with her.. she lights up my heart.. truly does.. and well.. i suppose thats it.. my first one was really good.. but it deleted it.. if it does it to this one.. i will cuss like a sailor and throw a hissy fit.. hehe
Wednesday,Jun 22 2005, 02:59:29 AMPSP!
lol well 20 years old now.. i got me a psp.. so thats cool.. its really neato.. call me nerdy.. but i like it a lot.. went out to eat as well today.. but in all honesty.. thats it.. nothing else happened lol.. so thank you all for the happy birthdays in the community chat :) was very sweet of all of you, made me feel special hehe and i hope everyone went home with pockets full of coke as well! hehe (yea.. i know its bad for me ama lol) just been feeling nice today.. was super hot outside.. but not crazy hot.. just a nice first day of summer you know? got my psp, to enjoy playin in bed with at night.. wow.. lol that sounded more fun than it actually is.. but i meant that in a non-sexual way.. i promise.. and dez sent me an email :) she has gifts too!!! she will send them as soon as she moves.. i will send her my anniversary gift.. im worried she wont like it.. but i never know.. seems i cant keep up with her tasted ya know? she likes a differnt type of music about every month.. and changes everything about her constantly.. but with this, i think its a winner.. or at least i hope it is.. (not going to say what it is, she has been browsing my journal lately) so i wont let the secret out lol.. but i do hope she likes it.. been worried she wont.. it looks cheap in a way.. but wow.. it wasnt.. reno 911 is absolutly hilarious tonight by the way.. if your a fan, watch, its a new episode and its cracking me up! lol anywho.. wow im just all over the place tonight.. anyway.. thank you all for the birthday comments, made me happy i got a lot more birthday things and wishes online than i did in real life.. no one even came to see me.. so that is a bit sad.. but also fits into the normal birthday story.. for my sweet 16, we had like 11 pizza's sat out.. it was a surprise party for me.. had almost 80 people invited.. 2 came.. 2.. so it was mildly depressing.. and we ate and drank soda till we puked (literally).. so my birthdays dont turn out so well as far as recognition and such.. but you guys really made me feel nice last night, thank you so much :) made me feel.. well.. i dunno.. special i guess.. not used to having attention payed to me on a birthday.. usually just a cake with my mom and dad.. so i dunno.. bit depressing at times.. but you all really cheered me up, thank you so much :) have a nice night zorpies!
Monday,Jun 20 2005, 04:13:57 AMGRR
okay, i like f1 racing.. its little exctremely fast cars that look like indy cars (i live in indy) and we are quite serious around here about our indy car races.. so we were about the f1 grand prix race as well.. so they were starting the race.. after one lap the drivers came in to change tires.. got out, and left the race! they boycotted the race because the michelin tires were shit. they had 24 hours to change the rules, or the tires to make them good, but they didnt.. so now people from all over the world think indy is a shitty place.. and that makes me sad.. i love f1 cars.. i love hearing them race.. and all the people it brings to our city.. and now they might never come back.. and dammit.. i have yet to see the f1 race! last year i was busy with classes.. this year i was a bit too late to get a ticket.. so i was wanting to go next year.. and now there might not even be a race of f1 here next year!!! so im mad about it.. very very mad.. it makes indy look like retards.. and that bothers me.. but oh well.. sigh.. enjoy the night zorps.. 
Sunday,Jun 19 2005, 01:41:58 AMcar shows!
Well yesturday i went to a ferarri car show on the circle, VROOM! those things were so cool! i mean wow! then today they had another car show on the circle, they were all classic mafia looking cars.. whew.. that was just amazing.. i love those old big cars.. with the huge fenders.. the big white wall wheels.. all of that.. its so cool! i took a gazillion pics of the cars.. i was thinking of posting them on zorp.. dunno though.. i might, and i might not lol, i dunno really.. but still, they were uber neat :)
