Journals
Friday,Oct 28 2005, 03:46:59 PM*sigh*
Well.. thought that i would mention me and dez's once again breaking up.. only this time i broke up.. she got stoned off a bong again, she called, and i could tell she was higher than hell. She tried to lie to me, she said she wasnt high, then tried to cover up the lie by asking "what did you ask?.." she knew what i asked.. and she lied about it.. then she addmited she was stoned, and i said i think i need to break up, and she laughed at me, while ryan was in the background, he probably got some of her last night, whatever.. have sex or whatever you want.. i hope her loser fucking stoner friends can make her happy, and keep her high, but i wont always be there to pick her up now.. so fucking disappointed.. almost ashamed.. guess i should have listened to you all.. just like she should have listened to her stoner friends.. we arent meant to be. and we never will be.
Tuesday,Oct 25 2005, 04:06:56 AMback!
Well.. i have been away for a while.. been wrestling with the damn cable company for me to get the net in this apartment.. (damn comcast) but finally FINALLY we got it working.. so me back for a while, as an update, the house is still coming along, the masons are doing the brickwork.. but god, i hope they hurry.. i dont like apartments.. but this one isnt bad, i really shouldnt complain.. my back is still hurting a wee bit.. so many big boxes.. and a big screen tv.. and so on.. but hey.. im back.. i hope everyone is doing well, all you zorpies that like to talk to me lol and i think im doing well.. for the most part.. anywho, i hope things are going well and so on.. have a nice night zorpies (and thank you from my heart.. for those who commented on satin.. i truly appreciate it.. it was a hard time for me.. but you all helped me, and im back to my normal self, thank you all)
Thursday,Oct 20 2005, 01:55:41 AMSatin Best 1989-2005
You will forever be missed satin.. i will never forget you as long as i live, and i hope to see you again someday.. maybe in heaven or something.. i dont quite know what to do without you.. but those pretty little green eyes will make someone else happy up in heaven.. i love you with all my heart..
Tuesday,Oct 18 2005, 02:01:36 AMCan forgive, but cant forget..
Well.. dez called me last night.. was ackward for me.. felt i didnt
even know this girl.. only 8 days till its been 1 month without
her. i had such mixed feelings.. one part of me kept wanting to
just yell I LOVE YOU, the other part.. listening.. listening to how she
is everything she didnt like.. hearing how she isnt what she was..
guess we didnt work out.. for some reason, im not even getting that in
my head.. its almost like things stopped the night of the 25th.. thats
how it feels to me.. and thats not the case.. anyway.. since my brain
and love are kinda.. well kinda frozen on a time that will never come
back.. i guess im just kinda mean.. i didnt mean to be mean to her on
the telly.. she said she wants to be friends.. and i should just get
over myself, and be friends.. i told her i dont want another friend.. i
have enough.. i told her i wanted a g/f.. while that wasnt a lie.. i
think it kinda hurt her feelings.. so.. i suppose once again.. i need
to just kinda take it.. i need to shut the part of me off.. the part
that hates how she calls me only when no one else will listen.. only
when she cant get out of the house to get with the guys that will
listen.. thats the time she decides to call.. not any other time.. but
only when she is bored, and no one else will listen.. but thats not a
polite way for me to think.. guess i just need to get over things.. we
are done and over, she has moved on weeks ago.. i wish i could do the
damn same... i'd give anything for that.. but hey.. time takes care of
that.. or so everyone says.. guess ill give it more time.. just sucks
that it seems for one person, getting over it is immediant, for the
other.. not so much ya know? anyway.. wed.. wed.. im taking satin in..
to be put down.. im so sad.. im dreading it so much.. she still looks
up at me.. with those little green eyes.. how can i put her down?.. how
can i let them inject her with a toxin that will take her away for the
rest of my life?.. i guess its for the greater good.. she is going to
suffer soon.. with the tumor on her side.. *sigh* i hate that things
leave you like this.. dez, satin, soon taffy, then who knows.. someone
else will.. i dont expect people or things to stay anymore though.. its
natural.. no one can stand me for too long.. let alone talk to me there
whole life.. im not going to think that.. anyway.. sorry for the long
rant.. most of my rantings are in my other journal.. but i felt i had
to get this out in the open.. to explain to some why i have been like
this.. its a mix.. of this feeling.. and working non stop with this
moving crap.. ama.. i am so so so so so sorry.. i swear i am.. and you
had every right to be upset.. i dont blame you one bit.. i hope to make
up for that in the future.. i do appologize though.. nighty night
zorpies.. have sweet dreams.. unlike mine last night.
Thursday,Oct 13 2005, 01:31:59 AMDum de dum
So, the new house is still being built.. we will be out of this house one week from saturday, it makes me feel very bad for those who are constantly moving.. i used to be with someone that moved all the time.. she never really had a "home" you know? only one that she liked.. and it was taken from her. Makes me feel so bad for people like that.. its a lot of hard work to up and go.. to run out on what you love.. but i suppose it has to be done. We are getting a black fridge in the new house.. at first i protested.. saying the black fridge i wanted was to be with someone else.. but i kinda thought about it and lol.. that isnt happeneing.. so now we will have a black fridge at the new place.. kinda depressing when i thought of it, but hey, she is good, so i will be too.. i was also invited to the olive garden.. but i declined the invitation.. i just dont want to go there yet.. i told them someday.. but not quite yet.. they thought i was freaking insane really.. but.. oh well right?.. anyway.. they are putting up the insulation and drywall.. shouldnt be long before they are done making this thing.. i will be happy when this is all over.. and i can just start a totally new life. thats what im wanting.. i am wanting to leave the past, in the past, to not think of her, to not think of this life that i am now typing to you in, i want the new life to be free of all that. and hopefully, it will be. I took edd to the new house, he liked it a lot, and i am taking moralez pretty soon.. i think he will like it, we talked of chaney's house (who i will be only like 800 feet from) and how it starts out looking so damn small, then later, it turns out looking huge! lol.. so thats about it for me zorpies.. have a good one.. and a bad one on me :)
