Journals
Wednesday,Mar 19 2008, 06:51:31 AMLeaving things behind
Perjalanan ke penang mengambil masa yang lama.. lantas ia membuatkan aku terfikir.. betulkah keputusan yang aku buat ni..
Hari ni aku baru sahaja selesai menghadiri majlis perpisahan seorang sahabat pergi meninggalkan kami.. cik sulastri .. Dalam senarai farewell yang aku buat tidak lama dulu.. tak pernah terlintas di fikiran aku, bahawa orang yang bakal meninggalkan company ku pada bulan April ini adalah aku sendiri.. Entah kenapa aku semenjak mengambil keputusan untuk benar-benar pergi meninggalkan company ini, terasa seperti ceria dan gembira tak terkata.. tapi hari ni seolah-olah ada arus negetif menerpa ruang fikiran ku..
Apakah sebenarnya yang aku cuba lakukan.. adakah aku pergi kerana desakan sekeliling atau pun atas kata-kata yang aku dengar hasil hamburan seorang director kepada pekerja nye yang lain.. it makes me stop smiling and really think. There was one guy here who intends to go at first but he withdraw because the company gave him a raise. Then when I resign, my supervisor also wanted to gave me something to make me withdraw. I did.. at some point think as it was a good offer but then decide to leave due to one reason. The guy that withdraw his resignation came to me and told me that the director came to see him and says that not every person, the company want to keep on countering offer... I was stunt due to the fact that I did not ask to be counter offer but my supervisor thinks that he needs me.. but if the company does not think so, it's better for me to move on.
I will just leave everything here and though there are people who pledge me to stay.. some even ignore me because they maybe hate me for leaving them.. there are still things to be done.. and no one to do it.. But I have made up my mind because it does hurt when you did so much and people in the management doesn't really care. What's the point of staying when you are not appreciated? Feel just I want to drop everything and just leave.. but I am a responsible person.. I can't help it.. I will to make it easy for them to continue my work. I am doing it for you guys.. friends.. not for the company..
It just hurt so much.. I just wanted some FREEDOM and being appreciated in doing my technical work.. dunno the actual reason for me to leave.. What I know is .. I just want to go..
Monday,Mar 10 2008, 03:12:50 AMInstinct..
Sometimes my instinct scares the hell out of me.. I sometimes do things that I don't really know why and found out later that it put me in extra advantage. God sometimes give you a special gift that you never take note until it happen.
It happens to me once when I was studying at the university, at that time.. it was raining heavily but I just keep on walking under the cover walk heading to my faculty. Between the library and the falculty, there is a cafeteria right in the middle. The cover walk was only up to the cafeteria. I could just wait for my friend in the library since I did not carry an umbrella. But I didn't. As soon as I reach the cafeteria, the rain suddenly stops. Heavy rain, suddenly stop.. Thanks Allah..
There was one time when my boss ask me to do something but I kept on putting it aside. It's not like me at all. Usually, I take care of my work first time and try to finish it as quickly as I can because I want to take more time to relax. Do you know what happen next? The project was cancel by the management 1 week after. Hmm.. creepy.. So.. I have been thinking that if i feel like I wanna do something, I just have to do it.. don't have to think too much cause there will be a reason at the end..
The latest one is when I feel like bringging my books home. Suddenly I've got a new job offer on the following week.. Though I have not think it through yet but I think that the message is clear.. Thanks again Oh God.. Love U always..
Monday,Mar 3 2008, 10:30:53 AMLeft Out
I am currently rasa macam left out in some situation. Tak boleh nak salahkan orang jugak. Maybe salah aku pasal aku yang mengeluarkan diri dari situasi tersebut. Kerja aku sebenarnye tade sangat, tapi oleh kerana aku bosan tahap melampau, aku pi jumpa member-member sepejabat dan amik kerja diorang. Bukannye ape, kebelakangan ni kebanyakkan orang kat sini lebih sibuk menguruskan kerja-kerja yang tak teknikal. Aku lebih suka kalau kerja tu mengarah kepada kerja teknikal sebab ini mungkin di sebabkan pengaruh ex-boss aku yang tak suka kitaorang involve dalam aktiviti lain selain dari projek.
Bebudak ni pulak sibuk ngan convention dan seminar sampai project.. entah.. aku sendiri takut kalau tengok report progress group. Kekadang bile kita nak cuba tolong, end up kita siapkan semua then group kite dapat nama. Tapi kite buat sensorang. Rasa kekadang tu demotivate jugak bile tengok kite jer bersungguh nak siapkan kerja tapi orang lain lepak selamba jer. Tak de pun inisiatif nak siapkan or nak amik kerja-kerja yang pending dan tak ber'tuan'.
Kerja kat opis aku ni biasa nyer diletakkan satu tempat, siapa yang dah siap boleh amik kerja lagi. Tapi tu la.. masing-masing nak tunggu kerja di agihkan, tak de pun yang voluntier nak buat. Sedihla kalau pi meeting ngan orang tertentu pastu bile mintak progress group tengok macam tak de apa output. Memangla siap menang lagi pertandingan dalam convention, pi melancong kat negara luar sebab seminar tapi pada aku, menda tu tak boleh di jadikan alasan untuk tak menjalankan kerja. Itu cuma side things if you have free time. Tapi aku rasa menda tu seakan-akan menjadi priority sesetangah orang. Contohnye pi kursus tapi kerja nyer dateline dah dekat. Alasan lambat siap kerja sebab pi kursus. Boleh ker? Kalau dah nak pi kursus sangat, manage la masa.. pastikan dateline semua siap. Masalah nyer effect semua orang.. geram la kalau pikir-pikir. Siap pikir nak pi shopping, plan nak buat ape kat luar sana.. ada pulak masa. Aku tak suka environment tu.
Kalau ikutkan, bukan la aku tak nak pi seminar kat luar negara sambil makan angin tapi pada aku.. kite kena ada priority. Kalau kerja tungang langang pastu nak pi lagi.. huhu.. tah la.. aku kurang sket respect orang camni.Nasihat aku pada orang camni.. Manage la masa.. Buat list kerja yang nak di buat. Baru la tak kelam kabut.
Anyway, other than that whole tension in the office.. I got some time out to go out with a dear friend back in University. Due to gender difference, I sometimes question his intention because he keeps on buying me lunch. Hmm.. but then again, he can be consider as one of my best friend so I guess that settles it. Thanks dear friend.