"Salam 'alaikum warah matul lahi wabar katuhu"
"May Peace, Blessings and Mercy of Allah Almighty be on all of YOU"
ISLAM = Peace
PEACE = Solution of Humanity
Share Islam = Share the Solution of Humanity

By  `Ali Ansari , Abdul Lateef Abdullah 

 The image of masculinity is usually discussed by non-Muslims, but if we look at the role models that men take on today, they do not match up to the roles of Muslim men in the past. Without realizing, we have Islamized the Western understanding of what it means to be a man in our everyday lives. 
 As Muslims, we tend to focus on issues that in fact take us away from the real heart of the matter, which is, "What does it mean to be a man in Islam?" We have this notion of constantly comparing ourselves to others, whether they are Muslims or not. It is not that we should not look to our predecessors as models and guides — not at all, and quite the opposite.

 Reflecting Whose Image?

 With our materialistic world view, however, we seem to only emulate our predecessors' external ways of doing things. We tend to conveniently pass on their teachings of substance — that is, the esoteric teachings. So many of us are so preoccupied with "acting" and "appearing" to be certain things (by following this sunnah and that sunnah) that we lose sight of what made the Muslims of old (and there are still many around; we just do not notice them). Their lives were lives of love, dedication, and service to Allah — all substance.

 In fact, it was said that among the walisof old, if a group of known hypocrites adopted a particular sunnah, the ulama would abandon that sunnah. They were not obsessed with minutia or looking a certain way. They were people of taqwa God-consciousnessand wara` (leaving the halal part bordering what is haram).

 We have set up so many idols in our hearts and have become so obsessed with the hidden idols of tribalism, power, materialism, and others that we cannot even see ourselves anymore. The mirror of the heart no longer reflects what it is supposed to.

 Unfortunately, the actions of many Muslims are based more on cultural practices than anything else. These actions have given many non-Muslims (and many Muslims as well) a negative perception of Islam, particularly in the West. The lack of proper media showcasing Muslims living totally according to the teachings of  Islam makes things worse. Nevertheless, Islam is not a religion of mere rules andneither isit  a chauvinistic faith in any way, shape, or form. For example, Almighty Allah says in the Qur'an,

 (Surely the men who submit [to Allah] and the women who submit; and the believing men and the believing women; and the obeying men and the obeying women; and the truthful men and the truthful women; and the patient men and the patient women; and the humble men and the humble women; and the almsgiving men and the almsgiving women; and the fasting men and the fasting women; and the men who guard their private parts and the women who guard; and the men who remember Allah much and the women who remember —  Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a mighty reward. )(Al-Ahzab33:35)

 There are similar verses in the Qur'an and also Prophetic hadiths that illustrate the egalitarian nature of Islam. For example, more than 1,400 years ago, Islam has granted women many rights that women in most of the world were able to secure only in the past 100 years (such as the right to own land or property, participation in the political process, and many others). We should never take the outer actions of religious adherents until we understand the true teachings of the religion itself. 

As men (and particularly husbands and fathers), we must constantly be living in a state of God-consciousness and self-awareness. Today, no matter where we live, the trials that our families go through can be incredibly difficult. Only through Allah's help and strength can we have successful, peaceful, and lovable homes and lives. Loving unconditionally means transmitting the pure and unmitigated love that Divinity has for all humanity — the good, the bad, and the ugly. If we seek this, we will find it, and that is the great reward. In order to do it, we must feel it and seek it. And to seek it, we must believe in it.

A man may think that as long as he is financially providing for his family, he is doing his job as far as the kids are concerned. A child can reflect that apathy and absence of true passion in and for life. Many men in the modern world of Islam are so divorced from their own true spirits that they solely focus on the outward. They cannot find or live by their own real truth. Such is the hopelessness and distance they feel from the fire of their true love of Allah — but there is hope. Often a word to the wise is sufficient.

Fear the Dominant Coin of the Realm

 Fear of love between men and women leads to less understanding and more stereotyping. When fear of love becomes the dominant coin of the realm, love suffers the consequences and buries itself deep under the compulsion of conformity. Women love by nature. They either habitually love or grow up in it. If not, it often does not take them long to find love again if and when they manage to escape the grip of domination.

On the other hand, men, even if raised in love, have a dominant predisposition toward competition. They primarily compete with their fathers (for their mothers' love) and find themselves quickly in a competitive world where it seems that the rule is "Play the game (i.e. compete) or die." There is something inherently wrong with this, but a man can handle it if his woman does not get involved. If a woman loses her security in the godliness of her own nature, she tends to feel one of two things:

A need to enter the "man's world" for the sake of survival (if she is alone).

A need to help her husband. Helping husbands is the job of other men, but because men are all so busy competing with one another, they tend to lose touch with the human compassion and reason that bonds them. But, it is the bonded guild and brotherhood that attain success. We are called by the Adhan (call for Prayer) with the word falah (success and prosperity). This comes with jama`ah (congregation) not separation.

If women are the souls and men are the wanderers, then women need to hold to their truths and demand love from men — who are their husbands, fathers, and sons — instead of sending them out to war on the competitive battlefield of earning a living. Women need to send their men into a battle for peace, cooperation, and brotherhood among themselves. Men must take this seriously; after all, it is their world that is going to hell!

The ego is competitive, mainly because it is defensive. It is an adaptive structure — an attempt to represent the souls, yet it is flawed because it is based upon immature interpretations of a flawed presentation of reality (i.e. childhood). Showing one's true reality allows one the freedom to try to create it by him- or herself. We keep on realizing what a miserable job we are doing until we are totally forced to give up — to surrender our foolishness to the forgiveness of Allah and accept our true realities.

 So, life is designed to force us to seek Allah, simply because no other man woman, idea, or creation works. It is a process of elimination, and Allah confirms it when He says that the humankind will struggle with every alternative before turning to Him

 When we conform to societal standards of good, it does not necessarily imply that we are truly surrendering to our truth. It is quite possible for us to submit to an unquestioned social norm that actually suppresses and replaces our natural, divine, holy goodness, giving each other a pat on the back. But if we are living by our truths, then that is what we will profess and we will actually be walking our talk rather than disguising it with words.

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Male Self-Image and Self-Development."This is taken from the interactive Q & a service - Live Dialogue

`Ali Ansari is a writer, and counselor of the Classical Sufi Tradition. He has an extensive background in Islamic Studies, Spiritual Psychology, and, Homeopathic Medicine, Oriental Philosophy and Macrobiotic Dietetics.
Abdul-Lateef Abdullah is an American convert to Islam. He holds a bachelor's in political science and economics from the University of Delaware, a master's in social work from Columbia University, and recently earned a doctorate from the Institute for Community & Peace Studies, Universiti Putra Malaysia, in the field of youth studies. He has worked as a Program Assistant for the Academy for Educational Development (Washington, DC); and with the Taqwa Gayong Academy (New Jersey, USA and Penang, Malaysia) for troubled youth, both Muslim and non-Muslim.