Friday,Sep 15 2006, 04:10:46 PMDate: 16/09/06 Time: 00:10

Dear Journal,

       It is quite a long time since i wrote into you. Ermm.... maybe not that long. Haha. Only for a week. hehe. Alright, today, maybe I'm going to talk more about what I wanna talk about last week (cause of the disaster), haha. Erm... I just don't know where to start. haha. Alright, i think i will start of what I can thought off. haha.

Dear Journal,  

       I don't know. I just don't know. I MISS BAND SO MUCH!!!!! haiz. what to do. haha. always thought of band no matter what i have been doing. Really. I swear to god. Really. Hehe. Thinking back during our competition. That was really a hard work. Hehe. few month before the competition, most of us doesn't have the eager to be serious and work hard for everything. 2 weeks before our comeptition, 2 weeks and we work so hard. Very very hard. practicing for our comeptition, 8 hours a day. Really no doubt, 8 hours non-stop, from morning till evening, skipping classes (especially Pn. Shantha's biology class, i bet she will be damn angry because i am her AJK someore. hehe). But of course there are some thing that we benefit from thse practices. 

       1 of the thing that we benefit the most is something that all of us did, which is HAVING FUN!!!! haha. Joining the competition. Few weeks before the competition, we went to Pndamaran B primary school, and let me tell you, that is the best place of all. BIG BIG badminton hall, and of course not to forget, the super duper, tastiest food where all of us will buy at least 2 cups each day and have a drink. This is known as the (DRUM ROLL)........................................ SHAKE SHAKE ICE ( yao yao bing). HAHA.  What is so nice about it?? you really wanna know? let me tell you. The food inside the blended ice, the ice which is blended till it is so tiny and once you put it into your mouth, it will go KABOOM!!!!! OMG, it is the best desert you can ever find anywhere else and the best part is that it has 1 of the cheapest price ever. hehe. so, I have an average of 4 cups a day. haha.

       Erm..... Other than that, I got a new "follower". hehe. I forgot his name. He is from Yuk Chai primary school, a very potential tuba player, and a very cute guy. But, before that, i remember that i have thought him before this exchange his own "homeland"(school). haha. But i doubt that he won't ever remember me. haha. but never mind. haha. i don't really mind. hehe. But it is really fun there. We have fun, learn our marching together with Raja Mahadi, erm..... knowing new friends and erm.... Oh ya, have a small little concert. haha. and that was the end of everything that has to be done in Pandamaran primary school. haha.

        And here comes the competition day. Everyone got nervous ( which is exactly not very true. I got a good night sleep be4 competition where is usually doesn't). hehe. We went marching into the field with full comfidence. And marvin goes shouting 1...2...3...4 and we started our marching. We march with full confindence. But of course some mistakes still can be done because we were nervous. And the most important part is that it is not our ground and this makes us not very get used to it. And as usual, mistakes occur. In this journal, I would like to apolagize for what i have done during the competition. I made a very silly mistake." I AM SORRY TO ALL SSB BAND MEMBERS" (especially Daniel, because i almost knock him off. If he falls, it will be a domino falling. I'm really sorry). haiz.

         And there goes our competition. Our turn is over. And here comes the evil part of every competition. The result announcement. Haiz. We march in the field and waited for those VIPs to talk crap. I can't believe they can just crap all those crap into those speeches. Even i can write a more meaningful speech than them. haha. The announcement of results started, and after they announce the "pancaragam harapan" and it wasn't us. My heart felt kinda sad and bad already. and i turned to the back and saw the percussionist started crying already. haiz. really. All the result announced and we were not even in one of the placing. I told myself not to cry. But while marching out and back to our own place where we kepp our stuff, I heard our supporters screaming, "It's OK, It's alright, Seafield school band FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!!". After listening to that, my tears started falling and i started crying and march out. I can' teven march in the right beat. haiz. we stopeed. I let my tuba down and i started crying on my tuba. Haiz. We went back  to the seat and i went to the middle of the stadium. I sat down and started crying. But i can see, it is a very sad thing where i can see most of our band members crying. haiz. And i started hugging everyone i can find. haha.

         To stop all those sorrowness,  we all start doing some "press conference" by taking some picture. we started packing after the competition preparing to go home. I saw daniel, wen yah and emma still sitting at the lower seats. i went down and hugged daniel from the back. Because that time, i am still really weak mentally. i need some love. so, i hugged him. But I don't know that daniel is such a caring person. he knows how to comfort other people. he started tapping my hands. haha. not like kee wei, " NO REGRETS!!". What is that la?? it will make people feel worst only. haha.

         But this competition really benefit us alot of stuff. 1st thing is about working as a team, working together. 2nd is about having fun. 3rd is about problem solving. 4th is about how to go through obstacles in life. But the most important thing of course will be Love between friends. This competition really pulled us close to each other. haha.

         After the competition, we got so close. But months after months, seems like everything is getting worst. haiz. I felt so leftout after retire from band. Everyone from band seems like neglecting me. I just don't know. seems like everyone is getting away from me. Have i change?? Or is there really something that ya'll relaly can't tell me?? And i just don't know. I felt so far apart from band. haiz. I can't blame exam as the reason. Maybe i used up too much time for my studies or something else, i don't know. But the only thing i don't want to happen is that being so much left out from band. I am really still not ready for that yet. I just don't know. Everyday during exam, i will be thinking of band. What is going to happen to them?? and i just don't know. seems like i think alot. But 1 thing for sure. I'm still not ready to let it go. haiz.

         But really, that has happen on me. And i am feeling very sad now. I just don't know. haiz. maybe i put a little too much of love inside the band. Not the band, but the members inside the band where i have really a hard time to let go of them . haiz. But, never mind. These takes time and everything is over. But of course, special thank to all the ssb band members, (especially to all the form 5 band members, samuel, siew ying, jueliene, kristal, sio sen, and many more, to the LB4 [ daniel, sher hann and jolene], to all my juniors, and of course not to forget all the coaches that has thought us).Ya'll light up my life. Thank you all. but of course, really really thank you samuel and daniel. knowing ya'll since primary school, ya'll light up my life the most and THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!. LOVE YOU GUYS and ALL OF THE SSB MEMBERS!!!! hehe

Dear Journal,

     That was before. Why don't we talk about the present. What I am having now are all exam. this week, biology, chemistry, add maths, bm, english, est, physics. this week over. Next week, here we go again, biology, chemistry, physics........ It goes on and on and on and i really got fed up of studying already. Why can't the school let us have some rest, mentally??It is  such a torture by doing this do you know that?? study everyday. I can really go for a blood pressure check up and for sure it will be very high. No doubt. Tuition everyday including saturday and sunday. And saturdays and sundays usually are the best days of the week where you get to rest. But do you know, it has turn into a tragic. 6 hours of tuition for every saturday and sunday. haiz. imagine a life of a teenager got ruined by these studies.

      Few more weeks will be our SPM already. After SPM, i'll be free like a bird out of a cage. hehe. damn cool. hehe. but of course we have to study first. And on the 22nd of september is our MPT5 (majlis perpisahan tingkatan 5). haha. Formal wear, theme will be "MASQUERADE"(lame theme, as if we have the time to do a mask for it). haha.

       Everday exam till ass damn pain. haiz. everyday in class during exam, when i start to stretch out, i will feel the cracking on my bones abd my hand felt pain while writing. haiz. write too much already. But what to do, it is an exam. haha.

Dear Journal,

        Before i end everything, I have 2 wish that i really hope that it will happen. 1st wish of course is to get good results for my SPM. And my second wish is to get back and really have a close relationship back with the members of the school band. And i really hope my wish will come true, especially the second wish. And that is all i think for today. Good night dear journal.

 

-BRIAN-
-15 September 2006-

Saturday,Sep 2 2006, 03:55:49 PMDate: 2:09:2006 time: 23:00

Dear Journal,

      It has been a long time since I wrote to you. Haha. The last journal i wrote just went missing for no reason. Haiz. Hate it. so now i have to cut short everything. Haiz. But of course, the 1st thing is about Band. Hehe. I love band so much, the competition is over, everyone cried, we practice very hard( more details in the future). Hehe. I am a retiree for band and librarian. But the main point i wanna stress here is that i miss band. haiz. I miss everyone in band. But with all the good and bad memories in band, it really gives me a good experience to be a better person. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! (special thanks to the sakai group, the lb4[Daniel, Sher Hann, Zhuo Lin. Love you guys] and of course not to forget about our coach, and all the band members from form 5 [Sam, Krys, Siew ying, Jueliene, Sio sen etc.])

Dear Journal,  

     This is really a bad luck year. Haiz. Everyone leaving me behind. ( wanna cry already) haiz So many funerals i went to. Causing me to feel scare when i even see a funeral going on. But, really pity Jason and what a poor thing. But, don't worry k, i'll always be there for you.

Dear journal,

     Because of the stupid missing of the journal i wrote, everything was gone and i have to shortened it because of time consuming. So, i think i will end up writing here. I'll continue next time  k?? And 1 last thing, no matter what, i will always be there for all of you guys. hehe. Good night.

-Brian-
-2nd September 2006-