Friday,Apr 29 2005, 10:51:21 PMehm~[IMAGE] critical ~! i had my bed time...

ehm~ critical ~!

i had my bed time real late and woke up this morning with ar... get ready myself for another change. bloody bus routine getting worst these day, i have to wait for long time for a bus! reached the hair salon late, then i have to wait for my hair stylish. she was so busy and i have to wait for 30 minitues. i flipped 2 magazines and get some idea for portrait shooting. this time my hair dint do much, just cut off the color at the back and remain at the front. not really impress me, but i dont mind. i can style it up anyway i want. wahaha. MAD ~!

i was helping my housemate to do her study works. i took pic for her costume design. we have quite a lot of fun, very tire though. took us around 6 hours just for taking pix. we did mix-match together, this is the 1st time i have chance to play with fashion thinggy. today the sun was bright and really help me up for lighting. super great and results almost look alike was done from studio. stun myself! over 200 pic i gave to her, plus some side shooting i guess i do have done 300 ish just from this afternoon.

(addition) >> yesterday, i have cigar training at work. Gooshhhh~ it was interesting, some knowledge of the product process. and some knowledges of serving cigar!!! so professional, but i guess nobody would like other ppl touch their cigar. but the way waiter should serve and handle cigar is PRO. even to "die" the cigar. i always hate cigar because of the smell~ but the pleasure of cigar is totally cool ~! cigar really like wine, just luxury thing... it could be represented a stage of that person. however, i still dont like cigar smell. 

Good bye~

One of the stunning shots i have produced today

SEAN (Canony)

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Friday,Apr 29 2005, 01:25:54 AMnormal day with normal routines. the...

normal day with normal routines. the restaurant was fixing the electronic, so it opened late at 1215pm. so i got extra 2 hours for sleep. i got there early and it was about 1115am. so i went for a close distance walk. catch some pic like normally i always do (abuse my SLR) wahah 1145am i went back for work. OMG... only me who working, have to handle everythings!!! lucky it wasnt busy so i have enough time to cover all.

almost near my end of shift, i met another photographer. then i start to excite again~ hohoho~ i move myself near that photographer (like a ghost spirit)... hohoh~ question time i asked him many questions but i heard that he was working with the company i am applying. then i more excited!!!  i was written down my details and tried to give him so he can get me some job offer. after while he was busy so i waited at the other side for him. then i have a chat with another elder gentleman. i was nosy and asked for a look for those pix they have. it is brilliant, control of lighting really can achive some outstanding result. pity me dont have any of those fancy equipments. after quick chat, i know that man from NTI as well... hohoh. i told him i am applying job there. i asked for his name, then a familiar name ring into my ears...  (in my memory) he is the managing director of that company!!! i am very anxious that time, dont know what to say more. meanwhile i decided give him my details. he said he has seen my name before, anyway he will have a look for me again. OH~ Sweeeeet...... now i am waiting the good news from them. cant wait ~!  hope so.

btw, i uploaded some more pic from recent>> mostly from this week!

see yar

* i am okay now. thx for all of your listening and understanding, also those supports.*

THANKS~

SEAN (Canony)

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Thursday,Apr 28 2005, 12:56:14 AMhavent done much today, just like normal day.

havent done much today, just like normal day... in fact, a beautiful day i havent seen for long time. blue bright sky with white clouds. just like a sunny day before 5 minitues to rain, that super sunshine. deep blue sky matching with big huge size and white heavy feel cloud.  forgot my sunglass and cant pretent to be a most cool guy on street. ai ~! never mind i act like a super photographer before become a spiderman. locate the place to put my web-net. (dont know what i talking about, nvm)  i am have been a photography maniac on the street again. just today i got 150 ish of pics. mainly is about sky scene(as beautiful day appeared) so i kept pointing my lens to sky and start shoting. i also dont miss the chance to catch some building scene while i am walking to work. so many passenger look at me and wonder what i up to. some even follow my sight and search for what i was shoting/looking at. haha is that somebody try to jump from roof? wahaha... many nosy ppl ask me to take their pic... am i look like amateur photographer to you?  it was quite busy in city, i have to retake many scene because some time annoyying "HEAD" just pop into you view... EERRrrrr #@&*%@#&*!#... etc etc etc . i also did some panning again. feel like i am a "bio-speed trapper" i catched few shots at cross road traffic. drivers just wonder on me, i dont feel comfort the way they look at me. thus i move away soon after. reached for work but kept shoting for 10 minitues infront of house. catch some duck shot. damn... those duck shit infront of me before they jump into canal river. nvm, soon u all gonna appear on our menu. Roast duck with farmhouse asparagus!!!~ the whole fornight of that!!!

work as normal, not busy. managed to have few mugs of tea/coffee/tea-coffee/lemonade/milk. have my nice dinner break with magazine reading. nice tip tonight even not busy, thx for my service. 2 couples i have today said they will come back with their family and look for me again... wahaha. this week we play the stupid voting game again... ai~ i gonna be the big brother again? may be? 

finished work, and "walk" to bus stop point. not "run"!!! did a few low angle shot while i am waiting the arriving from bus. get on bus, did some close up shots. random shot my own reflection.

get home and have a shower. then upload my pics. log on net... same routine of day. i noticing the number on my pic. 2700 something. i got this SLR almost 2 months, now have over 2800 shots. am i too over done it? sorry to my SLR for this heavy usage. 65 days for 2700+ shot. each day average 41 pics. i wonder the record after my 1st 100 days.  

Sunny Shot~

SEAN (Canony)

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Wednesday,Apr 27 2005, 01:36:20 AMOn the way to work, I received a call phone...

On the way to work, I received a call phone my eldest brother. We have conversations about me. It was about my study that I decided to stop. Now I am very upset and cannot do much about it. Calm water in my heart suddenly becomes a brave wave. I want to cry now, in fact I had cried on the high street while I am talking on my phone. (Hand-free, people must be think I am crazy) even in shop WH Smith and Jessops.

A call makes me more don’t understand for myself. Some questions he asked I really don’t have a clear answer. Something in my mind but don’t know how to say or explain. I guess this is me ~! I been told parents sent me to UK is want to see me graduate. What graduate? My study is for myself not for parents wish or what so ever (may be too harsh to say in this way, but you know what I mean) I told him I stop my study because I lost the interest on Hotel Industry, it puts me on cold. Then he asked me why I chose it to study for first place. Well, hell know ~! It wasn’t me who chose it but sent by parents. I never know what I like or dislike, that time they said go then I just came! No thinking at all, seriously ~! Another reason I stop because that time I am really on financial problem (only 2 digits in bank) shock?!?! Haha, well is truth. So stressful that time follow by Tsunami, parents’ business bad condition, my bank account, study problems, jobless, loneliness, bad times, bad temper, DC broken, dull weather, etc… almost hate myself so much for so unlucky. From many minor reasons makes to big huge pack of issue and I cannot swallow them. So I decided to drop this big stone and left it at the side. That day I dropped it and really I feel so good! Follow by job comes to me, then my SLR ownership happens, my bank gets better, new friends, etc… make me do not want to think the past. That it! A sunrise~

Until today, my brother digs out all my bad memories from graveyard!!! I am so upset… he also ask me what I want to do for future. Serious, I do not know myself. Cannot say anything what I want for future. I can’t see any future now, still lost in a jungle. I told him I may want to shift from hospitality to photography industry. Then he asked for me to do comparison those benefits. I cannot give him any answer. I so confuse myself now. He asked me what I can do if go back to Malaysia with photography qualification. Well, I don’t know! What job I can have? I don’t know. And with hospitality certificates? I am not sure what can use for it. He offered me for supporting my finance to finish the study. I said no, because I don’t have any interest for study now, especially hospitality I have given up for it.  No way for me to go back in the deep black hole.( I climbed so hard to escape) He wants me take responsibility for all my decision. Think family before acting on anything. Well, I guess I have for all time. I don’t want anymore stress for family members and I want to handle everything from myself. I am mature enough! 22 years old! I was here alone to UK by 18, I believe I quite confident to handle myself. Self support for 4 years. Even I was in Malaysia, I was always independent. No childhood time or what so ever. Most of my memories came from school life, not much from family. Perhaps none, I am always alone in house. Be alone to anywhere. TV and PS console is my best mate, 2^nd family-I named (St. John, First Aid Team) some memory, a few best friends, then not much else I can do recall. How sad a person can be? I am a person don’t like ask for help from anybody. I know we are part of family, but that is the way I do! I don’t want anything; I never ask anything even while I was younger. NEVER. Cannot remember I have asked for anything. Because I know, can effort but no necessary. Family should help each other. I understand I need but I don’t want any. I want to stick with my independent! I want to be what I am and who I was. I am to live in UK by myself and not go back( selfish?)

Friends of mine should know how I am. I never ask for anything. They know I am generous to give everything I have and never hold-back if I could. I feel so depress and so cold. Tonight on the bus I was watching traffic light like normal day, but I feel them so much pretty tonight with my tire mind. Will either green light or red light. Bus passed one by one. Same as right or wrong I describe. But I don’t know my decision is belong to green or red. Nobody can tell because we all only have one chance, who will know it will better or worst if we have pick the other choice?  But I love the scene on bus today, old classis love song play in my ears and green/red light passing on my sight. The windscreen steamed and filled with raindrops. I would like it on the bus for many hours if I could, but I have to off the bus for stop.

I not regret to stop this study and I don’t feel waste on anything I had done. But I will suggest the “waste” word on the time and money if I continue to study the thing I don’t like and can’t do it. Last final year I left, even just 3 months left I don’t think I can take that again. NO WAY ~! I hate to go back.

Ahhh… I don’t understand myself. Really~ lost lost lost and so lost ~!

You have confusing by this long journal? The main subject is about study! That it, is a past, should let it R.I.P and don’t dig it out again.

SEAN

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Monday,Apr 25 2005, 01:16:31 PMbeen bz this weekend, not much time for...

been bz this weekend, not much time for journal writting... so here we go... long boring reading for you all...

Thursday:
well, not much happen just so so bz for work. double shift i did. from noon till night. it was bz enough to boost me up. it was a bz night and i dint finish on time. AND stupid me thought i gonna have a night bus to get home. so i slowed down a bit for cleaning. 0050 i finished all the cleaning and ran to bus stop. 1am i was there but no bus, then i thought bus must be late and i waited. after 15 mints i still there wondering. untill 0130 i cant stand the cold and decided to take taxi for home. after 15 mints searching for taxi...damn!!! so cold! 0145 i got a taxi. 2am ish i am home but i have to spent the bloody 10 pounds for taxi!!!

Friday:
well, cant remember much what had happen that day. a crazy morning shift. after the rush of thursday morning, i was so tire and morning have to rush again for surprise busy. uuuh i was finished late but not too bad. get home and managed to make a rest.

Saturday:
breakfast time was okay. we expected to be busy but not really for it. so i have enough time to get ready for tonight. it was sweet, a husband have arrange a birthday treat for his wife. he let her wife work with us from noon shift in the kitchen. i have my camera so i took some shots for her memory. i been told she want to work in real kitchen for long time but havent have chance. and her husband arranged this for her. how nice ~! we have fun cz not really bz at noon. and i can see she was very enjoy the day. i finished at 1530 and i went to Bullring for my lunch with my workmate. i brought her for malaysian food and she love it. she say never taste a food so nice b4. hohoh ~! mean while i having my lunch, i think i saw(spotted) Brad Pitt there. i quickly finish my food and rush to search. i managed to get some back shot, but friend says he is not Brad Pitt. so i gave up. beside bullring is prohibit to use camera (in my previous experiences). then we walked to bus stop for home cz i have to work at 7pm tonight again. on thw way, we saw a old man laid on the street! most ppl just walked pass and not help. i was wondered over there for a while (not sure should help or not, cz not good to go near if i am not sure is safe or not) after, i decided to help. i asked him many questions but non of his answers i can understand or listen clearly... he seen like having a illutions. (@_@) so i look for his neck and wrist (not stealing from him) just check for any medical bracelet. i was worried he have any pass illness. i cant find a sign so i checked his pulse and breath. all just normal~ so strange. i cant smell any alcohol so i presumed he is not drunk. but i really dont understand him.  he was tried to say something to me but i cant hear a word! ambulance have called and arrived quick.  after pass over to paramedic officers i left. geeezzz the time ~!!! so i quickly ran to bus stop.... why i always have to run for it?!?!?!?

spent too much time for lunch , brad pitt, and the old man. got home at 6pm! processed the pixs i took for that lady in kitchen and developed it. 1825 i out the door. the bus just gone infront of my eye!! so i have to wait for second bus... freezing me. reached city center and have to "run again" 7pm got to place. so bz... well wait for the lady come for her dinner. cant wait to show her the pix. as normal we have busy night. soon she arrives i gave her an envelop. the pix not shot in nice condition and i havent have enough time for photoshop. but she did love it. i am happy and release. after while her husband asking me to join them for dinner... oh i am on duty, cannot... after while they offering me champange... i would love to but still i am on duty. beside i not so good to handle alcohol with empty stomach. i feel so sorry and embarasse to decline their offers. but i did.
almost the end of shift he gave me 10 pounds for the photo which i did for his wife. i dint expect them to give me anything... but well... after all some tips from professional service.... heheh 

end of shift, run again... u know...

Sunday:
the breakfast not bz at all and so relax. but i have big brasses for polish up. that was killing my arms. may be was too quiet. 2 staffs was have "fire" with managers. i am in the center, cant say much. just can ask them to sit down and talk about it in cool. but they said no...well cant help much. left them and sort it out for themself.
i am so so so tire cz i knew tomoro not working...
went home and have a bath...so nice. then after my little dinner. log on net for little time. knock~ oh my housemate offer me a chocolate cake... so good...emm... back to my sit for internet. so tire and i almost hit my face onto the keyboard or almost break my neck by fall my head to the back and sides of chair. well i head to bed. 1st time go to bad this early time 10pm!!!!

Monday:
woke up too early 6am. my 1st mind is off the bed and out for sunrise pix. but no ~!!! so hard to have good sleep and dont want to miss it. so i kept hiding under my duvet. 7am again, 8 am again, 9 am again...oh alright ~!!! i will wake up geeezzzz.... have light breakfast . new house mate asked me how to get to ASDA. so we went to ASDA. a go and i spent 20 pounds!!! feel want to buy everything from ASDA.
home, and i start my laptop and surf on net again. come to zorpia and fill up my missing journal site. (in live) while i typing here, Leez keep sending me messages and my email keeps beeping... haha so much fun. live direct reply her messages. Leez still very funny... sweet ~!

thx for all of supports from zorpian here... love you all ~!

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