Saturday,Jul 3 2004, 06:27:11 PMSomeone once told me that to write well you...

Someone once told me that to write well you have to write what you know. This is what I know. I am twenty five years old. I have never really kissed a guy. A geek to the core, most of my childhood years were spent doing extra homework I requested from the teacher. High school was more of the same. Then, at seventeen, it seemed as if my luck was about to change. The cutest guy in school asked me to senior prom - but it turned out he invited me as a cruel joke. I have never fully recovered. Yes, it is embarrassing to share this with the world. But it would be hard to explain what I learned, and how I learned it, without sharing this humiliating history. I received an assignment, my first as a reporter, to enroll in high school as a student, to gain some insight into kids today. Understandably, returning to high school was my worst nightmare. What i found? There's still that one teacher, who marches to her own drummer. And in the back row, Kirsten, Kristen and Gibby are laughing and talking. Those girls are still there. The ones that, even as you grow up, will still be the most beautiful girls that you've ever seen close up. The athletes - and the immense sense of fraternity and loyalty that they share- The smart kids. Who everyone else always knew as the brains. But who I just knew as my soulmates, my teachers, my friends. And there's still that one guy, the one who is so perfect in every way, from the muscles in his shoulders- to the way he, in his own way, struggles to uphold tradition. Southglen would not have been the same without him. High school would not be the same without him. I would not have been the same without him. All of these things made me miserable at seventeen. But at twenty five I finally see that this - all of this- is just the way it should be. It is all part of this thing- high school. A time in our lives that we can never truly repeat. A time that shapes us. A time that makes us who we are, for years to come. High school- going through it the first time- helped make me who I am. But going there a second time made me see that who I am is O.K. I always wanted to be "in", but seven years later, when they finally opened the door, I somehow gained the confidence to stay outside, firmly, happily. This is not the article I was sent in to write. This is the article I needed to write. I lived a lifetime of regret after my first high school experience, and now, after my second, my regrets are down to one. A certain teacher was trampled in my path to self-discovery, and though this article may serve as a step, it in no way makes up for what I did to him. To this man, you know who you are, I am so sorry. And so I propose this - as an ending to this article, and, perhaps, as an ending to this portion of my life. I, Josie Geller, will be at the State Championship baseball game – where my friends the Southglen Rams are playing for the title. I will stand on the pitcher's mound for the five minutes prior to the first pitch. If this man accepts my apology, I ask him to come to kiss me, in front of everyone, for my first real kiss. Five minutes may seem like a short time, but trust me, when you've been waiting twenty-five years, it's usually the last five minutes that kill you. I went back to high school and discovered I was a loser, again. And then I discovered it wasn't so bad. I wasn't so bad. So, now that I'm ready to start living the rest of my life, it would be magical if I could live the rest of it with him. Because inside everyone is a loser afraid to be loved, and out there is the one person who can kiss us and make it all better.

** Josie Geller's (played by Drew Barrymore) monologue in the movie, Never Been Kissed.

** i memorized this in preparation for my Speech Communication class requirement (had me and my partner for a dialogue decided to go on with presenting our dialogue..) last june 24, 2004. too bad i didnt go on with it. just wanted to share it with you (interested people bored enough to be reading a journal from my zorpia account) since it does happen to be a nice piece from a nice movie. hope you enjoy it as much as i did..ü

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Tuesday,Jun 29 2004, 06:28:29 PMDear Diary 02:26 AM This is so pathetic....

Dear Diary 02:26 AM

This is so pathetic. They said that love could cause unbelievable pain. Only, I didn’t think that it would be this unbearable. I see him everyday and it hurts so bad to know that he’s happily moving on with his life, while I’m still here… holding on to the past. Holding on to “what was” and “what had been”. Being near him and feeling him close never ceases to make me remember the way just one simple smile from him was enough to take away all the hate I felt for the world. In a way, it still does. But it’s not just ...

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Saturday,Jun 26 2004, 05:07:08 AMto see you when i wake up, is a gift i didnt...

to see you when i wake up, is a gift i didnt think could be real.. to noe that you feel the same, as i do, is a three fold utopian dream.. you do something to me, that i cant explain.. so would i be out of line, if i said.. i miss you..ü

i see your picture i smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.. you have only been gone ten days, but already im wasting away.. i noe i'll see you again, whether far or soon.. but i need you to noe.. that i care, and i miss you..ü

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