Some things have been going on in my life that really made me pause and think. I can't say I'm a beautiful girl, pretty perhaps, but not much more than that. My self confidence has worse mood swings than a pregnant woman. I can feel lower than a rat, and the next second, I'm the queen of the world. And at this moment, I'm not sure in which end my vibe is chilling. I like a guy. I can't call him a boy, because that he is not (thanks all deities above!). I won't call him a man, because right now, the term "old" is something I want to distance myself from. Yes, we have some age difference. It's not a big deal for me, since I was always more mature than what I should be, however 9 years...is still a big gap for my family. My friends well...the ones who care about it instead of my happiness I'm fine without them, and the ones who care about both but support me all the way, are the ones I want to keep close. And I do. My closest friends, right now are the supports to a very shaky roof. Anyway, I like this guy and yesterday I met one of the female "friends" he had before moving here. I can't say how let down I felt when I saw her. She was everything I'm not. Perfectly curly blonde hair, beautiful eyes, very nice body. In five seconds flat, I noticed all that I needed to notice, and caused "my" guy to be thouroughly uncomfortable. And that in itself was very, very rewarding...but overall, I felt...less. My hair was in a messy bun, I had a green tank top, grey shorts saying "cheers" on my butt (I'm burning them) and grey chinese slippers. I was sweatty and panting from playing soccer, and there stood Miss-everything-I'm-not. I hate to get maudlin, I hate to go into self pitty, or any other kind of pitty at that; but in that moment I felt so out of my environment, so lost in my own backyard, that I just wanted to dig a hole, and hide myself in there. Never had that happen? Well, there is always a first time, and yesterday as a biggie for me. I hope it never happenes again, but I seriously doubt it. I asked my sister (love you Monica) if I should kiss him out of the blue and see what his reaction would be. Something tells me he wouldn't mind, but who knows? She told me she would pay to see it, and I told her I was probably too chicken to do it. However, once in a blue moon I get rid of my goody-goody, cautions, responsible, and smart girl outfit, and turn into my evil twin. I don't know why, but I think my blue moon is coming sooner than I expected it. Tickets anyone?
My Top 5 Musics:
These Words- Natasha Bedingfield
Music Makes You Lose Control- Missy Elliot
Cool- Gwen Stefani
Somewhere Only We Know- Keane
A Dios le Pido- Juanes

I'm stuck into one of those "brain freezes" in which I can't think what I'm going to do, how, and when. It freaks me out when I'm in one of those moods. I don't like to just being doing nothing. But what to do? Are you feeling the same way? Then, get involved!

I was surfing through the net, when I found the World Vision's website (UK). I'll be truthful, the "surfing" was inspired by the Live$(8). It's was so awesome how so many famous people came together to show the world that they care, and that we CAN really make a DIFFERENCE. It was like just what Madonna sings: "Music makes the people come together..."

Anyway, I was surfing and I found the most interesting way to get involved:

Phones for Food.

For more info go to: http://www.worldvision.org.uk/getinvolved/phonesforfood.asp

It's like this: do you have a new cell phone, and don't really care what you do with your old one? Well, take a care. Instead of disposing of it somewhere, just send it to the address given on the website I gave you. You'll be helping somebody, and although some may say the opposite, YOU CAN REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

Check the website out. What will it take you, 2 minutes? What's that when you can save somebody's life?

I'm in a writing mood tonight...It's 2.45 AM, and I'm here typing this madness that came from too much caffeine. Might delete in the morning *later in the morning*, but right now, a few sets of haiku, might soothe my frazzled nerves...

Darkness

Bringing in the marks,
to find the loneliness,
of a dark, cold, night.

Brush the air aloof,
think nothing until whispers,
are loud in your head.

And dream of the day,
so you can run from the night.
Smile, you'll be waiting.

But day will not come.
And you will scream all your pain,
into nothingness.

And it will laugh, hard.
in you head, your dreams, your heart.
Then, madness comes.