1-Cyber Love

I write this long article because I simply feel the necessity of putting my experiences on the three above subjects to the judgements of the readers of this site.

To chose this title needs a great deal of experiences in these matter , however I acklnowledge that the vastness of the subjects would justify the shortcomings in this very tiny space and room.

There has been lots of researches dedicated to this subjest, however the subjest itself is the subject for constant changes according to our life situation and standards.

Internet has made it possible to make falling in love with the other people possible through computers. This even paves the way for untrue loves and betrayals comparing to the classical terms. But it is necessary to get started by a thorough discussion to give knowledge and more important than that set consciousness about the subject as much as I can.  

Why people take the opportunity to make commitments on the internet without thinking about the natural consequesnces. The answer is clear I suppose, it is because of a need in us to compensate our loneliness, shortages in time and even failures in our careers or the family lives.  

So the Computer as a mean of fast communicaiton has come to help us to be rid of our anxieties in a time when the boundaries for contacts are unlimited. Nevertheless this device of excellant facilities for responding even to our primitive needs of getting socilized, being touched and geeting in touched with the other people brings us sometimes more loneliness ,, when we recognize that the rainbows have been just a charade of colours and nothing in depth has been changed , let alone it simply might have been even destroyed comparing to the previous times when we didnt know and were not capable of the so called "Cyber Love Affair".

This is an openning to a discussion , I expect many of the friends and non friends would bother to take part in it. However I have a couple of view points that I sincerely wanted to write down here only as the one who initiates this hopefully welcomed discussions.

Love for me is not out of space and time. Love is something deeply affected by the necessities of time and space. That is why the concept of "modern love" is very important , because Love has always been a modern subject for its own time, when the people have preferences about it as a salvating and blessing drift of time, and not only to make family lives as the religions advocate.  

So it is deeply affectd by our possibilities that even it creates the culture of its time for its own needs. So if you let me please I wont have anything against the "cyber love or cyber sex" as much as it closes itself to the borders of the reality and the truth.

the main reason why "Lovers" would fail to satisfy their needs of "Love" and "Sex" is they think the privacy that the computers would facilitate for them is the main reason they exagerate or censurate the informations that is needed to build a great love even on the internet.

All these ofcourse if the intention is to fall in love and not only to amuse itself with the " Cyberdreams" that computer makes the great possibilities for it.

So the main fault is the lack of correct communications. This phenomenon by no means is the fresh one for our time. All the great loves in the history have been failed sheerly because of the lack of communications between the two lovers. Some were doomed to fauilure because of the tribal hostilities between Lover and his beloved ,,, like Romeo and Juliet , some was due to the religious and family restrictions and so on.

In either cases , the two person in love could not reach each others full attentions , through impediments that were natural and typical due to the time of occurence of that passionate and hot romance. The greatest desire of every two lovers is what??? to be left alone to tell each other how much they love each other.

However in our times , the mentioned restrictions are about to nill for the lovers, even in the most religious totalitarianships or the darkest inquisitive regimes of our times mostly in the Third World.

Now the process is running in the diverse direction. people have no barriers to get in touch with each other and possibly fall in love , if they are lucky,, ofcourse ! but they themselves exert a kind of censurship in the informations they provide for the other partner, simply because they are afraid to provide information and communications more than sufficient, again because they are afraid the communications would damage their lives, careers families and so on.

By finding this fear quite justified between the human beings , due to the number of faulse people and next to criminal intentions to incriminate us in their less innocent to criminal or may be simply hillarious experiences and jokes !!! I would ask this question that does having terrorist minded persons in our societies prevent us from going out and get socialised or work??

the answer is certainly negative by most of the people. then why the lack of honesty with some people would prevent us to cummunicate through the netwrok and paving the way for a real love affair??

the major problem of abusing the informations give us the right and justified reason to censur ourselves and hold the very first communicative imperatives within ourselves , namely the information and a genuine ones to be called honest enough by our counterparts to fall in love with.

I have a remedy for this desease of our time, namely speaking untruth and issuing faulse information through the internet connections and that is the transparency of our lives together through internet. By this we will do,,, like the most antiterrorist efforts in our society do,,,, and that is to make transparency so high that an infected intention gets revealed and exposed. Beside we could prevent of creating the so called "Virtual Love and Sex " on the internet of turning to be a dominant culture in our societies, which makes us an sparepart to our computer itself rather giving us the chance to use the excellent facilities this machine provides us to communicate with each other, and among the other things, fall in love with each other. In other word the discouragement that during the history of "Love" was out of "Lovers" access to meet each other in public , is now turned to a personal and private fear of being used by someone or some organization with its mallacious intentions to abuse our honesty that is needed to construct love and friendships possiblity over the network. Like always ,,, the failure is within us as human beings such as those happening through the history of the most tragic love affairs in the past , not to believe in the possibily of being descent, even over the network!!

2-"Cybersex"

Ofcourse as much as the possibility for the "Cyberlove" decreases in our internet communications, the applicability of "Cybersex" increases between the two partners over the line.

As much as "Cyberlove" needs honesty and deliberation in providing true informations which are not allowed due to the fear of the abuse of those datas, the "Cybersex" or intimate communications between the people online increases between the users to facilitate the time drive and amusement needs to scape from the lonliness of our time.

I used to phrase the phenomenon of "Cybersex" as the new opium of our time, and new drug that apparently has less possibility to addict our bodies , but more and incomparable capacities to make addictions in out minds and much worse on our hearts.

This however does not mean that "Cybersex" is a mean way to communicate on our basic needs to our partners sexual drives and ambitions and hence connect them to our special needs and requirements. On the contrary it is a sweet way to recognise the phenomenon of not being lonely in our world of non caring, ingorant and increasingly isolated clashes between the cultures and perceptions.

For many people "Cybersex" is an easy way to satisfy their needs to communicate sexualy with each other, get nourished by the other peoples' experiences about the sexual encounters and thus not feeling lonely and neglected. The impact of the Computer to join the lonely people's sexual dreams and fantasies through the line , is so enormous that in many cases it prevents the anipathies and asocial behaviours that were very normal during the time that people normally did not know so much about each others lives that they know now.

Internet by its enormous capacities of making a sound and upright communication,,, has a great role of decreasing the isolations that are quite normal with our time, right through the vast usages of the Computer internet communications. They satisfy our needs , so the device is good and fruitful in the human being lonliest and most isolated time of its life.

But on the other hand, the device itself is dangerous specially for the "Cybersex" misusers and addicts, because it provides us much too easy way of getting inside someone elses intimate life and export or import faulse informations and data about our needs and appreciations of the partners attrativeness or even magnitudes,,, right at the time of "pleasure" through the internet.

In other words it is too easy and too perfect a communication to be true and to be beleived by us right after we have satisfied our very first and primitive needs of our sexuality. In this sense the "Cybersex" makes an addiction of itself that kills the love and real encounter possibilities for the partners , so that the term "Virtual Sex or Love" gets more and more institionalized specially by those critics to the nature of the computer as the facilitator that "virtually" diminishes the real pleasures ambitions among the people and thus make an accult of the internet touches and communications.

Human beings need to chose the simplest way is the root to his inventions of  the communication facilities, but the cultural insufficiencies and political powers intentions to make a time drift of this magic communication mean that I call ; second to the invention of the books and publications and press during the 14 and 15 centuries,,, it makes a dangerous machine of the Computers and Information technics to simplify even our human needs for searching the healthy challenges in our lives , among the other " Real Sexual Encounters" followed by " Love" or as an interlude to the real one.

3-(conclusion) :"Perfectionism"!

When we simply compare the world at large , in our time with the world at large or with the previous times' worlds , then we would always have nostalgic set backs about our real romantic relationships with the others people. the direct result would be as sighing to the ears of each other that the " previous time's" love and relationship have been much more pure and honest than todays ones. We almost always forget that the facilities that we have in our disposition in our time of high communications has not been possible for "Romeo and Juliet"!! if it was , then we might even have been witnessing quite another shape of history of love and intimate relationships than we are today. If Juliet had access to a mobile for example , she would give an sms to the Romeo and the history of love would skip the tragic unhappy ending in this most famous love story that occurs  in the middle ages Verona in Northern Italy.

What makes the tragedy of the story more significant is not only the heartbreakings of the couple or the other couples in the similar stories, but for us the human beings of the "era of communications" means a lot of lack of the communications between these two poor lovers and the sufferings that made their "Love Story" of such a magnitude that will remain in the mamory of our civilization almost for ever.

Is it really the shortages of communications that brings about sufferings in the relationships of a romantic nature ?? and if it is what is the relationship between that kind of lack of the facilities with the "Perfectionism" of the human behaviour and its moral restrictions on itself and on each other,, which is normally desiged by us as the "Religious Perfectionism"?

I think both have the same roots, as to when the modern technics gives us more freedom the religious and moral restrictions would pale off from our day life. That means also that Computers are new inventions to bring the central moral issues from the cathedrals and churches, or from the Sinagouges and the moskes to the living rooms of the citizens.

the judgement of tha moral issues have been so privatized that one wonders what will happen to the "real love" and pure family values,, that the religions claimed to be the one and only defenders of them ??

The answer is quite clear by my view: Moral issues are highly relative issues , relatives to the imperatives of the time , political systems of the time and economic liberalisation of the free hadle and cultures. Internet is nothing but the production of our times necessities.

Thus, blame the insufficiencies of the " Love Affairs " on the internet is just simplifying of the problems that are mainly being exagerated by the " Still Perfectionist Mind" of our times.

The fact however still remains in tact that , we are human beings with all our "imperfections" and specially should avoid giving these "imperfections guilt and blame" to the machines and devices that are created for us to use them in its sounderst paths and mechanisms as possible. 

I will be delighted to have your precious veiws about this article and contents of it by contacting me on

Curioso Casanova!  

measmedia@glocalnet.net

Obs: Any copying of this article wholly or partly without mentioning the name of the Source Writer of it , is strictly prohibbited and will be persecuted according the Copyright laws and regulations.