Journals
Thursday,Oct 14 2004, 07:51:25 AMA SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP by Rev. Ronald McFadde
A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP
by Rev. Ronald
McFadden
If you're not married yet, share this with a
friend. If you are married, share it with your
spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get
married, keep both eyes open, and after you
marry,
close one eye."
Before you get involved and make a commitment to
someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity,
ignorance, pressure from others or a low
self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs.
Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that
you can change someone or that what you see as
faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time
his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and
differences will become more obvious. If you love
your mate and want the relationship to grow and
evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and
not let every little thing bother you. You and
your mate have many different expectations,
emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses,
and
strengths. You are two unique individual children
of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect
for each other? Do you bring out the best in each
other? Do you compliment and compromise with
each
other, or do you compete, compare, and control?
What do you bring to the relationship? Do you
bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the
altar to alter him or her. You
can't make someone love you or make someone
stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment,
and "a life", you won't find yourself making
someone else responsible for your happiness or
responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control,
jealousy, neediness, and
selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving,
healthy, loving and lasti ng relationship! Seeking
status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong
reasons to be in a relationship.
What keeps a relationship strong?
Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of
humor,sharing household tasks, some getaway
time
without
business or children and daily exchanges (a meal,
shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note).
Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a
nice email.
Sharing common goals and interests.
Growth is important. Grow together, not away from
each other, giving each other space to grow
without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have
outside interests. You can't always be together.
Give each other a sense of
belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't
try
to control one another.
Learn each other's family situation. Respect his
or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on
each other for material goods. Remember for
richer
or for poorer.
If these qualities are missing, the relationship
will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse,
neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is
where you put the I.