When I was born, a beautiful baby girl, my parents named me Aidli. When my Uncle Kamalrudin (Aunt Latifah’s husband) found out, he was unhappy. He didn’t like the name. He wanted to call me Shahira. Being nice and diplomatic, my Dad told my Uncle, if he agrees to be my Godfather, Uncle Kamalrudin could call me any name he wishes. So, Uncle Kamalrudin did just that! He paid my Dad a whole sum of 10 cents and ‘bought’ me as his daughter. But the name Shahira didn’t stick. He called me Lin, just like everyone in the family! That was more than 30 years ago… Just now, very early in the morning, around 5am, my niece Ernie sent me an SMS. Just a short SMS that shook me so violently! The SMS tells me that my Godpa has passed away… the man I loved like my own Dad, the man who was so proud of me when I graduated from Uni, the man who told me that I was right in the middle of the Kosovo controversy, the man who believed I should lead the tour group when we were stranded at the airport in Jeddah… my Godpa made me realize that I am my own person and a woman is worthy of respect! Today, he passed away peacefully, in his sleep and I’m trying my best to remember how he looked like through the years. I was at the funeral… Trying my best to be strong. I’m trying my best not to shed tears. He’d wanted me to be courageous and offer strength to his other children… my many, many cousins. That’s exactly what I did… I offered my arms, shoulders and chest for them to cry on. I held on to their bodies as they shook off their tears of sorrow and pain. The sorrow and pain of losing this Father we loved so dearly. But as they prayed and said their final goodbyes, as I watched the hundreds of people whose lives had been touched by his kindness and love, I can’t hold back my own tears. Gushing down my cheeks, in big, heavy droplets… I cried silently. Suddenly, I too died silently. I remembered what happened last Saturday. I died the day I lose the love of my sweetest… and finally, today, those tears are finally released, when I realized that maybe he’s never coming back to me at all…
