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Wednesday,Oct 31 2007, 05:54:12 PMI have given up hiding and started to fight

For my Halloween entry I decided to just jot down the list of links that I had found for today to send in my emails:

Happy Halloween!
Photo credit: pmarella

http://www.deloresdefacto.com/?p=47

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Tuesday,Oct 30 2007, 07:24:15 PMDorothy was a waitress on the promenade

On Sunday, thanks to Kingdom of Swine on XM, I heard a remix of Covenant's "Bullet." Now that I've researched the girl who sang in the remix, I have now discovered Ellen Allien.
Every time I watch something about Allen Ginsberg I get more into being a writer. This is weird to me too because I never read Ginsberg. Last time I saw something about him when when I was watching the dogs at Fran's while they were in Tennessee. They talked about how Ginsberg kept every scrap of paper and kept a journal with him at all times. This is stuff I do now, even though I've only written a couple of things in my purse journal. This show, the American Passage, said that Ginsberg felt that Whitman was his kin and he tried to even embody how he looked. He looked at him as his gay poet forefather and identified himself with him.
So who do I identify with? Who do I keep myself akin to and try to embody? Everyone I look up to, everyone I want to write like is a man. I adore their ability to be who they are to be without holding back. The female who feels like this close enough to me is Dorothy Parker. Maybe she is my foremother? Maybe, we both have such love and attraction to men that we want to be like them and being with them, obsessing over them, puts a little bit of them into us in some degree.
I'll have to do more research to find the right role model.
I found this clip today: Quentin Tarantino + Fiona Apple. Tarantino was my first real inspiration to think of stories in a cinematic way. Not that I could ever make a movie (I would be ecstatic if I could ever make movies) but I remembered him saying that when he picked the music for the soundtracks, he used the music he had been listening to when he wrote the script. That's how I correlated music with writing stories. Now I have certain stories I tell myself over and over in my head when I listen to certain songs. The whole visual effect takes place with the music to go along with the pictures and the events.
Anyway, I love what he says in the clip about writing: To me, for writing the dialogue, is so easy, I actually feel just a touch of a fraud taking credit for it. Even though I'm protective of it...it's just like some sort of God antenna.
IMDB announced their new character page feature and coolie enough, they chose Special Agent Dale Cooper to advertise the new page feature. I love it.
Even though it's the afternoon by the time I say this, I've started trying to eat something when I get up instead of just coffee. It's so weird and annoying how your appetite changes. Sometimes I haven't the interest in eating until later in the day, sometimes I want to eat all the time. I remember being on Weight Watchers and being hungry a lot in a good way because I always ate a bunch of little things that hadn't a lot of fat or calories. I could go back to counting points and being stricter with my intake but the problem with diet food is the expense. Since I have a purse full of cash for Slurpies and coffee and a flat broke bank account, going to the store and stocking up on Lean Cuisine and fat free everything is not an option right now.
My student loan money finally got worked out though (or so I'm told.) Like I said before, I had been told by both my academic advisor and a girl in Financial Aid that everything in my account was fine and my loan money would be disbursed on the 19th of this month. The same week, I got a letter in the mail from the school saying that "there was a change in your schedule" and I couldn't get my money until a later date. Then the fires came and the school was closed and I had no freaking idea what was going on so the freaking progressed itself and I realized that the loan money I was counting on for small things like, oh, rent for next month, was not available. After constant emails that were never replied to, faxes to the Financial Aid department, numerous calls to Student Accounts and Financial Aid, I finally talked to someone in Financial Aid later last night. Get this...
So they said the reason why my loan disbursement didn't go through last time was because my last professor (the one who gave me the "B" -- still pissed about that) didn't post the grades on time so when they tried to post the money to my account, it looked as if I had dropped out. Lovely. Of course they never told me that's what happened and they never looked in my account like I can online to see what grades I've received for all of my classes. They just didn't give me the money I need because the instructor didn't do what he needed to do on time.
Apparently my money is supposed to be put in my account electronically today but, again, they always send me a check (even though I've filled out the direct deposit information for all of my loan money). I'm guessing the money will get here sometime this week, right at the last minute when I need it for my rent and bills on the first of next month. Unfreakingbelievable. But at least I got some answers and everything straightened out. I wonder if everyone in my class who was up for their new loans got screwed over by this like I did.
On this day: The radio drama, War of the Worlds, directed by Orsen Wells, was performed as a Halloween special on October 30, 1938.
And, hell yeah, we've got a teaser trailer for Indiana Jones 4!
Plus, I'm loving that they have a whole Lostpedia website. I found it by searching the literary references in the show.
http://www.deloresdefacto.com/?p=46

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Friday,Oct 26 2007, 07:19:25 PMI did everything, everything I wanted to

Random stuff:
I'm slightly unhappy with my gourmet coffee. I don't get why the flavored stuff from Boca Java isn't really that flavored. The blueberry was good, and it was the first of all the coffees I've tried now that had the flavor it boasted. But the apple isn't as I'd hoped it would be. I still have the pumpkin and the Halloween spice to try out. I guess only very distinct flavors such as berry and peppermint are strong enough to make a cup of coffee taste like something other than plain old coffee.
Hhmm... I wonder if I could do this: National Novel Writing Month

I'm liking these songs and videos on Youtube:

And since I got this forwarded email chain letter thing, I'll just post it because it's a long list of questions:

1. What time did you get up this morning?
11:30 a.m.
2. Diamonds or pearls?
Um...I don't wear either. If I had a choice, I'd go with diamond though.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
4. What is your favorite TV show?
Lost
5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
coffee
6. What is your middle name?

7. What food do you dislike?
sushi
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
She Wants Revenge "This is Forever"
9. What kind of car do you drive?
2003 Toyota Corolla
10. Favorite sandwich?
Turkey and ham from Subway
11. What characteristic do you despise?
Lying. Condescending.
12. Favorite item of clothing?
my black Converse oxfords
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
London!
14.What color is your bathroom?
Black and white
15. Favorite brand of clothing?
any of that stuff from Target
16. Where would you retire to?
Florida. :-)
17. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
Three years ago when there was a hurricane.
18. Favorite sport to watch?
I don't watch sports. I look at the baseball and soccer players for a while then change channels.
19. Furthest place you are sending this?
California
20. Who do you least expect to send this back?
No one really.
21. Person you expect to send it back first?
See #20.
22. Favorite saying(s)
Sonofabitch.
23. When is your birthday?
September 26
24. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Lets see, it's a miracle that I got up before noon so, Ill go with night on that one. I always have been; ever since I was a little kid.
25. What is your shoe size?
nine!
26. Pets?
the cat; Jake, AKA Jacob Marley Gyllenhall
27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
I'm not getting my grad school loan money yet and it sucks.
28. What did you want to be when you were little?
a writer
29. How are you today?
Fine, thanks, and you?
30. What is your favorite candy?
Plain 'ol peppermint candy canes! I can eat the whole box of them!
31. What is your favorite flower?
Daisies.
32. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
Eh...none really. Whenever I get my damn money...
33. What church do you attend?
None. If I do go, I go to Fran's church though.
34 What is your full name?

35. What are you listening to right now?
She Wants Revenge's cover of "Kidnap the Sandy Claws"
36. What was the last thing you ate?
Halloween M&Ms
37. Do you wish on stars?
Yes, but it doesn't work.
38. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Oh hell, lets go with black, red, white or gray for this one.
39. How is the weather right now?
75 degrees
40. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Mom.
41. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Of course.
42. Favorite soft drink?
I'm addicted to those Crystal Light tangerine slurpies at 7-11 right now.
43. Favorite restaurant(s)?
Olive Garden
44. Hair color?
Actually I'm going with a medium auburn right now.
46. Favorite day of the year?
I love Memorial Day because we always go out on the Sunday before.
47. What was your favorite toy as a child?
I loved my freaking keyboard.
48. Summer or winter?
Winter; you can wear better clothes in the cold.
49. Hugs or kisses?
Depends on whom the hugs or kisses come from.
50. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla
51. Do you want your friends to email you back?
Yup.
52. When was the last time you cried?
Something on TV made me cry the other day but I cant remember what it was.
53. What is under your bed?
cat toys
54. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
Angie; I've known her since her birth.
55. What did you do last night?
Ate dinner at Mom's and watched "Family Guy"
56. Favorite smell?
I'm into lavender and lily smells now.
57. What are you afraid of?
I don't think I can even name them all. Usually just being controlled or victimized or helpless; and not always necessarily in a physical, violent way.
58. Plain, buttered, or salted Popcorn?
Buttered, salted popcorn.
59. How many keys on your key ring?
Lemme count...twelve. I can get into four homes and three cars.
60. How many years at your current job?
N/A
61. Favorite day of the week?
I dunno. Saturdays I guess.
62. How many towns have you lived in?
three
63. Do you make friends easily?
I'll talk to anyone but I'm not close to a lot of people.
64. How many people will you be sending this to?
Like five maybe

Photo credit: Lost in Scotland

http://www.deloresdefacto.com/?p=45

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Thursday,Oct 25 2007, 02:52:33 PMAll those days in the sun

Late October. Early November. The temperature drops into the 60s and it reminds me of:

Smoking cloves outside on the back porch at John C's house even though it was freezing.
Driving in my friend's old Sentra with the heat up and the windows down to smoke on the way downtown.
Ordering breakfast from room service at the Holiday Inn next to Angel's Diner.
That black fuzzy jacket that I made Dave hang up in the DJ booth every night.
Standing outside of Chuck's with Stefan to smoke.
Walking fast in a short skirt because it would be hot once we got inside the club.
Driving to Texas and shivering the whole way while singing to "Siamese Dream" and making the windows fog up.
That cul-de-sac where we heard people started getting caught by the police so we had to stop going to.
That mustard yellow cardigan I use to wear to school.
Drinking cocoa at Waffle House.
Sitting outside the bookstore at UCF on those cold brick bench things.
Our friends' wedding and sitting outside in the courtyard at their hotel every night that whole week.
Sitting on the ground at Wall Street Plaza and remembering to wear tights underneath my jeans.
Yab Yum.
The nurses costume I wore when I was skinny and realized why people liked vinyl even though it made you sweat.
The first time I saw the "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" video.
Leaving the windows open at night so the sheets felt cool.
My hands getting dry in between my fingers.
Ana and Jason.
Standing in line at the parking meter forever.
The people who died in the fall: two suicides.
Walking on the golf course outside if N's house.
Toilet papering B's car.
Wanting to be outside.
Wearing long sleeved shirts, wool skirts or pinafores with over the knee socks or tights.
The blueberry coffee and the maple rum coffee and the gingerbread coffee at 7-11.
Being in the mall in Ohio with my best friend since second grade and telling her how I didn't like Christmas anymore.
Him. In that hoodie.
Going out every night, hoping that something good would finally happen.
Kit Kat.
The girl in my writing class saying "what is this?" in reference to the sudden cold wind one morning.
Wearing a blue windbreaker on the playground.
My parents putting up Christmas lights on Thanksgiving day.
Going to Church Street every night.
Crying outside the theater for hours after watching "Forrest Gump."
Watching "Natural Born Killers" and "Pulp Fiction" a million times.
Blue Room and the blue salt on the margaritas.
My stupid dorm roommate fighting with her boyfriend every morning.
Dutch in his sweater vest.
My youth.
My teens.
My twenties.

Photo credit: stephgum32807

http://www.deloresdefacto.com/?p=44

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Thursday,Oct 25 2007, 02:20:07 AMBurning a way to me

I gave the Red Cross a donation to help the firemen in California and the millionaires who need my $20 to help save their homes. I couldn't imagine being a fireman or a policewoman and I can't imagine how scary that would be to have a husband or wife with that job.
I emailed my cousin and one of my friends to ask if things were okay where they are. I think they both live in Central California though, so hopefully all is well with them. I haven't gotten any replies yet though so I'm not entirely sure what's going on.
And because I like to promote things that I like, The Big Bang Theory has been signed on to do a complete 22 episode season. Very nice. The next episode is for Halloween and terribly right on for the occasion: The Middle-Earth Paradigm . The credits said it was a female writer who did the show, which is moderately impressive even though it wasn't as funny as the first two episodes. The whole feel to it is "Frasier" mixed with "That 70s Show." It's the dialogue that they give Sheldon that what makes the show so funny (in my humble opinion.)
And because this is Florida where public school is always a form of dramatic interest, look at these headlines:

Let's see...what else? Oh yes:
The guy from Black Rebel Motorcycle Club wants to be Jack White and it ain't gonna happen: Ain't No Easy Way
The article on the 25 Awesome Action Heroes was interesting, especially naming Jean Reno from The Professional and Harrison Ford in Raiders of the Lost Ark. I just love that man...
Anyway, there's nothing else much to mention over here. PayPal won't refund me my full lost amount and I filled out a survey telling them about how if you're supposed to be insured for using your bank account then they should refund all of your money. I removed my bank info from my account too. I'm not chancing that shit anymore. Suck though, because my credit cards are so maxed that I don't even think I could get a tank of gas with any of them if I tried.
My loan money won't be paid out until "a later date." The wildfires are keeping the campuses closed so I still can't contact anyone to see what's going on with that.
I have to get my prescriptions renewed at the doctor's tomorrow afternoon. Same thing every month: "You doing good? Yeah? Okay, here you go. See ya later."
Oh and I'm trying to set up my domain mirror at http://deloresdefacto.freehostia.com.
And Saturday night may be our night to go out and celebrate Halloween. I doubt that I'll dress up. It's not that I don't love it still, I just don't have the heart to care about trying to make a costume look the way I want it to anymore. (Hell, that's the way I feel about every outfit I wear anymore.) Anyway, it's sad how holidays lose their spice as I get older.

http://www.deloresdefacto.com/?p=43

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