ericakaa's Homepage

無奈+心淡

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 00:14 EST

好唔開心!!

可唔可以真正了解什麼是用心!! 真正問題, 真正快樂係咩!

又到9月啦

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 08:57 EST

不經不覺已經9月啦! 今年好似過得特別快. 而家好懶寫BLOG啦, 可能亦沒有太多特別事發生, 所以都沒有動力去寫. 今個夏天去得特別多遊船河, 去海灘都比上年多. 而家一星期都會去做一次GYM, 今年都覺得整個人都健康了. 今日亦試了玩打拳, 又幾好玩喎, 出了一身汗, 感覺好舒服. 哈哈! 可以諗諗學這個玩意.

工作上現在已放下壓力, 因為再沒有動力要我去跑數. Commission 一d都唔好, 咁辛苦都唔知為咩, 我寧願開開心心做好本份便算. 一時一樣的老闆, 上司實在太難頂. 其實真的開始覺得對住日本人上司, 客好累, 好煩. 漸漸覺得好厭倦. 我想我開始明白為何很多識講日文既人都不太想再用日文工作, 原來真的會厭. 再過多1-2年我想離開同日本人的環境.

最近都聽到身邊很多朋友結婚的消息. 甚至從facebook都知道很多中學同學都結婚了. 都覺得他們很幸福, 很幸運, 亦很羨慕. 能夠找到一個可信任, 重視自己而且願意陪伴一生, 真的很不容易. 能做到相親相愛, 坦誠信任, 甚至什麼都已對方為先真的很難. 當然人是沒有十全十美, 但肯願意用心為對方, 遷就又有幾多人做得到呢? 人往往都是自私, 這個我已經看化, 因為我已領教過很多. 現在的處境, 很多時都很無奈, 亦令我對未來很迷茫, 因為我都不清楚有沒有未來. 有想過放棄但還未有這個決心. 我需要的安全感, 安穩...... 在那裡呢? 可能我的位置, 我的一切始終還是一個點綴吧! 有了生活精彩一點點, 沒有亦無傷大雅.

背叛

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 10:00 EST

雨　不停落下來花　怎麼都不開儘管我細心灌溉　你說不愛就不愛我一個人　欣賞悲哀愛　只剩下無奈我　一直不願再去猜鋼琴上黑鍵之間　永遠都夾著空白缺了一塊　就不精采緊緊相依的心如何Say Goodbye 你比我清楚還要我說明白愛太深會讓人瘋狂的勇敢我用背叛自己　完成你的期盼把手放開不問一句Say Goodbye 當作最後一次對你的溺愛冷冷清清淡淡今後都不管只要你能愉快＊心　有一句感慨我　還能夠跟誰對白在你關上門之前　替我再回頭看看那些片段　還在不在只要你能愉快

What a longt time

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 07:42 EST

What a long time I didnt update my journal. It's already few months.

Well well. I had a very happy birthday this year. Organized a big party and got 20 friends to celebrate with me together. Got 2 cakes and many present. Really thanks all my lovely friends and really really really had a wonderful b-day this year. Hahaha... wellwell, I drunk this year but anyway it's really a good moment.

One more updated news, I changed my job again 2 months ago. Same field, same job, the company is much more better this time. I really hope can stable here for at least 2 years. Busy everyday and I really feeling I am WORKING now. Not only bored in office and play msn. I really didnt have much time to play MSN now and it's really a good sign for me. I really can say I have to motivation to go to work now. heehee

July is comming soon, it's seems 2009 year is comming too. Me.... still the same, seems nth improved. Still cant feel like have a stable relationship. I am good at JOB MATCHING as a consultant, however I really dont think I am good at PPL MATCHING in my life. Seems I always got the wrong match in these few years. WOWOWO..... I really dont like this feeling and why always need to lie soo much! Hide soo much! Is that LOVE? Really feel tired sometimes. Well, anyway, I guess I will know the truth soon.

新一年

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 08:04 EST

話咁快又新一年啦. 希望今年正如運程書所說行大運啦! 哈哈

新年一如過往.....悶!! 哈哈! 放4日假話咁快就過. 之後較特別的就係2月23日我表姐結婚. 一整日都好忙, 早上一早去佢屋企幫手玩新郎. 之後回家SET頭, 再去教堂觀禮, 再去酒樓. 整個婚禮好感人, 好好. 我想我從未見過我呢個表姐咁歡容, 咁真情流露. 不過, 真係好戥佢開心. 個晚我地個個都著得好隆重. 我都去借左條晚裝裙. 好靚靚GAR. 總之整日都好感人.

呢幾日就大鑊啦. 咳到死, 氣管又敏感, 要休息3日不得止, 仲要吸藥. 呢兩日真係悶到爆, 咳到死. 希望快D唔好再咳啦. 而家又唔出得街, 因為街七空氣差, 影響氣管容易又咳到氣喘. 真煩呀.........

就快又復活節啦, 去邊到玩好呢?? heehee

好失望

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 01:57 EST

真係好失望....... 真係無想過呢D事情有出自這個人手中. 亦不明白為何要弄至這地部.

的確..... 覺得十分無奈, 無助, 十分失望. 就算在什麼角度來看亦覺得.........好失望.

失望係因為原來本性是這樣而自己從來無發覺. 心係痛的.......... 這樣被對待, 被無視.

我都是人, 有感受. 我不是死物. 我亦需要被尊重. 我都有尊嚴.............

2008年了

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 10:04 EST

已經2008年啦! 最近有好多事想記下, 但實在懶去打, 而且亦不知怎說.

現在我只可以用..... 身心疲累~ 去形容我的感覺

真的好累.... 好累!!

Merry christmas

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 03:50 EST

又過咗聖誕啦! 又快過咗一年啦! 今年D時間好似過得好快咁! 由日本返回來後呢個係第三年既聖誕. 呢3年既聖誕都用了大部分既時間陪屋企人. 還記得之前往既聖誕都會覺得只應該同男朋友過, 都係行街食飯. 好似呢3年同屋企人一膂, 同朋友去PARTY, 去朋友屋企gathering, 呢D都係呢3年先知原來聖誕可以咁過, 而且仲好開心, 好Relax. 咁當然如果有男朋友陪埋就仲好啦. 多D人開心D ma!

回顧呢3年, 人大了心態都變了. 一切都變得無咁執著. 很多熟識我的朋友都說我變了. 或許Mandy說得對........ 你琴晚講一講我都覺得你都說對. 從前的我, 我想是沒有你所說的性格. 現在... 的確有你所說的. 對我來說, 呢個絕有可能係一個心結, 不太想去信任或太投入身邊的人, 情願捉住好朋友講講講, 可能因為我覺得這樣是最不受傷害, 最能保護自己的一個方法. 久而久之有了這種性格. 是好是壞我都不太清楚. 又或許連我自己都無正面想過自己想點, 一直都是... 是但啦! 或許係時間認真去想想以後...... 不能再是但. 真正做一個開心開朗的我.

做咩事??

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 22:33 EST

又係我問題嗎? 我真係幾失望.....

無論退後幾多步原來都係無用! 換來只係一大堆痛, 只會被說傻瓜! 我想我真係一個傻瓜. 呢種感覺又回來啦. 我真係覺得好恐怖. 我以為我已經忘記但原來........... 唔係囉! 係我不好而自己不發覺嗎? 係我沒有理會旁人既感受嗎? 真的不懂去應付這個遊戲了.

一觸碰到舊傷疤我控制唔到, 眼淚自然流下來.

Do you agree????

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 20:22 EST

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind. When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply. When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around. When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying. When a GIRL lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever. When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered. When a GIRL says " I love you " ... she means it. When a GIRL says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person .... Find a guy ... who calls you beautiful instead of hot. who calls you back when you hang up on him. who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to his friends and says, " That's her!! "

唔清楚

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 02:12 EST

唔好問我想點, 因為我自己都唔知自己想點.

發夢夢見o既其實代表住d咩gar呢? 響夢裹o既感覺都幾真, 起身後o個種感覺都仲響到. 最近自己都覺得自己神神怪怪, 心情時好時壞. 自己都唔知諗緊咩, 想點!! 我覺得我改變了, 變得什麼事都沒所謂, 亦變得什麼事都隨遇而安. 好似好化gum!! 睇番3-4年前d相, 覺得自己笑容好開心, 仲有一份稚氣. 但近呢1-2年好似都唔同o左, 無o左份稚氣, 憂慮多左. 係好事定壞事呢? 好似無什麼事令我特別大喜悅. 我對於我現在生活不是不開心, 不滿意, 只是總覺得欠缺一些東西, 不過連我自己都唔知係咩.

百感交集

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 02:12 EST

而家其實我好忟!! 原因係因為工事. 詳細唔多講住, 等我搞清楚先, 但係而家o既行為真係令我好忟. 講到底都係朋友份上先幫, 而家一粒聲都唔出, 仲要唔覆電話, 真係離哂大譜.

最近身邊o既人忙到整個人都憔悴哂, 感覺很不好受，心真的有點痛...我又幫不了什麼, 但就只有默默地支持你, 諒解體恤你. 我諗咁樣係對你最大幫助. 有時候知道你心情不好, 受住極大o既壓力, 都唔知點去安慰你先好. 眼見你無哂心機, 但想幫你又幫唔到, 真係好不是味兒. 只希望個system run得smooth, 無咩事發生, 你就真真正正可以回復正常少少o既生活, 放o下假充o下電, refresh一下你自己. 希望呢一日快d到啦! 我真係有d擔心再係咁落去你會頂唔住.

最近工作靜到死. 我都摸不著頭腦點解會咁. 不經不覺已做了4個月. 工作對於我來說沒有什麼新意. 做了兩年幾已經很習慣這個模式, 就算聽到要replacement, 都已經沒有太大的感覺. 可以說是平淡. 另一方面說亦很穩定. 這間公司沒有像A記o既明爭暗鬥, 感覺舒服好多. 我太討厭爭鬥, 都唔知為咩. 而家咁都幾好o既.......

最近心跳又快番, 唔知做咩鬼. 有時會覺得有種因為好驚而心跳快o既感覺, 好累囉!! 總係覺得身體怪怪咁.

仲有1個月又過了一年啦!! 時間真係過得快, 但係覺得自己無咩長大!! 哈哈.......... 都係毫無大志!!

The Mayonnaise Jar

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 01:49 EST

When things in your life seem
Almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar
And 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large
And empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students
If the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open
Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked
The students again
If the jar was full..
They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand
And poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded
With an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced
Two cups of coffee from under the table
And poured the entire contents
Into the jar, effectively
Filling the Empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor,
As the laughter subsided,
"I want you to recognize that
This jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things -
God, family, children, health,
Friends, and Favorite passions --
Things that if everything else was lost
And only they remained,
Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter
Like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --
The small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first,"
He continued,
"there is no room for
The pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time
And energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for
The things that are
Important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things
That are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18.

There will always be time
To clean the house
And fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand
And inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
"I'm glad you asked".

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Because when you are giving someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you will never get back.

好懶呀

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 07:06 EST

哈哈! 已經1個月無打日記啦! 而家真係超懶. 響公司又唔方便打喎, 返到屋企又懶唔想打. 呢1個月都好忙咁. 工作上, 日本同事已經入咗職, 工作當然比之前多啦, 因為我地要開始打WARM CALL, 去見客, 諗辦法去build up 番D o野. 而家又多report & paper work, 真係日日都令到我無咗half day. 開頭真係做到忟忟地. 而家都OK啦. 無辦法. 不過好彩D同事好好, 返工都開心o既.

上兩個星期去了今年第一次既boat trip. 哈哈. 好開心呀! 好好玩, 好搞笑. 仲影咗好多相tim. 對於我比較新鮮o既係我地去了魚排食lunch. 好得意喎. 哈哈! 不過最唔得係隻船. 個晚成7點先落船.

好..... 寫住咁多先!!

No idea

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 08:39 EST

最近都聽到很多傷感的故事. 朋友的朋友突然過身, 朋友家中發生了事, 而自己亦有摸不清的事情. 今日去睇了一套令我很感動的戲. 中文是: 藉著相片說愛你 (ただ、君を愛してる). 一套很感動的電影, 令我差點哭了出來. 人的生命真是很脆弱, 如果不珍惜眼前的人和事, 不勇於去面對做想的事, 很可能你會遺憾一生. 心情突然灰一灰. 不過講很容易, 要做的時候又有幾多人能做到?? 一個係咁, 兩個係咁, 三個都係咁. 呢D就係人既通病.

摸不清的事情實在太多..................