http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324 Sat, 19 Jul 2008 22:29 EDT Sat, 19 Jul 2008 22:29 EDT Zorpia.com http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/311144 * We got off the Titanic first. * There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. * We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions. * We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. * We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. * Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. * Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. * Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... ( You got the point? ). * We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. * We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay! * We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. * We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. spendingtime http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/311144 Thu, 10 Jul 2008 01:10 EDT http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/313105 A koala was sitting on a gum tree...... smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far over and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?' The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint.&nbs p; The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!' So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude..... How much water did you drink?!!' shawnK http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/313105 Sat, 19 Jul 2008 13:45 EDT http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/313106 Lesson 1: > > A man is getting into the > shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when > the doorbell rings. > > The wife quickly wraps > herself in a towel and runs downstairs. > > When she opens the door, > there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor. > > Before she says a word, Bob > says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' > > After thinking for a > moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front > of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. > > The woman wraps back up in > the towel and goes back upstairs. > > When she gets to the > bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' > > 'It was Bob the next > door neighbor,' she replies. > > 'Great,' the > husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he > owes me?' > > Moral of the story: > > If you share critical > information pertaining to credit and risk with your > shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent > avoidable exposure. > > Lesson 2: > > A priest offered a Nun a > lift. > > She got in and crossed her > legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. > > The priest nearly had an > accident. > > After controlling the car, > he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. > > The nun said, 'Father, > remember Psalm 129?' > > The priest removed his > hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg > again. > > The nun once again said, > 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' > > The priest apologized > 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' > > Arriving at the convent, > the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. > > On his arrival at the > church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, > 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find > glory.' > > Moral of the story: > > If you are not well > informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. > > Lesson 3: > > A sales rep, an > administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch > when they find an antique oil lamp. > > They rub it and a Genie > comes out. > > The Genie says, > 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' > > 'Me first! Me > first!' says the administration clerk, 'I want to > be in theBahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in > the world.' > > Puff! She's gone > > 'Me next! Me next!' > says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing > on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply > of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' > > Puff! He's gone. > > 'OK, you're > up,' the Genie says to the manager. > > The manager says, 'I > want those two back in the office after lunch' > > Moral of the story: > > Always let your boss have > the first say. > > Lesson 4 > > An eagle was sitting on a > tree resting, doing nothing. > > A small rabbit saw the > eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do > nothing?' > > The eagle answered: > 'Sure, why not.' > > So, the rabbit sat on the > ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox > appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. > > Moral of the story: > > To be sitting and doing > nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. > > Lesson 5 > > A turkey was chatting with > a bull. > > 'I would love to be > able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, > 'but I haven't got the energy.' > > 'Well, why don't > you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. > They're packed with nutrients.' > > The turkey pecked at a lump > of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to > reach the lowest branch of the tree. > > The next day, after eating > some more dung, he reached the second branch. > > Finally after a fourth > night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the > tree. > > He was promptly spotted by > a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. > > Moral of the story: > > Bull s**t might get you to > the top, but it won't keep you there.. > > Lesson 6 > > A little bird was flying > south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and > fell to the ground into a large field. > > While he was lying there, a > cow came by and dropped some dung on him. > > As the frozen bird lay > there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm > he was. > > The dung was actually > thawing him out! > > He lay there all warm and > happy, and soon began to sing for joy. > > A passing cat heard the > bird singing and came to investigate. > > Following the sound, the > cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and > promptly dug him out and ate him. > > Morals of the story: > > (1) Not everyone who shits > on you is your enemy. > (2) Not everyone who gets > you out of s**t is your friend. > (3) And when you're in deep s**t, it's best to keep your mouth shut! > > > > THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE > MANAGEMENT COURSE shawnK http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/313106 Sat, 19 Jul 2008 13:56 EDT http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/312100 <a href="http://s68.photobucket.com/albums/i18/snoopybear1979/?action=view&current=funny-cartoon-womans-wish.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i18/snoopybear1979/funny-cartoon-womans-wish.jpg" border="0" alt="Funny"></a> knightprincipe http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/312100 Mon, 14 Jul 2008 19:58 EDT http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/313092 A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.' So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort. One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, 'That was incredible!' He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.' So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths. After seventy -five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath. He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?' 'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Memphis but I worked both sides of the Mississippi. shawnK http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/313092 Sat, 19 Jul 2008 12:26 EDT http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/312039 In the RAIN??? :O <a href="http://s57.photobucket.com/albums/g214/ravenstar9/nishi/?action=view&current=00mostintelligentperson.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g214/ravenstar9/nishi/00mostintelligentperson.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a> What do u think of this guy? wakakakaka :D angelheartt http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/312039 Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:54 EDT http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/309130 <a href="http://www.explosm.net/comics/1246/"><img alt="Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic" src="http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Comics/Matt/vigilantes-break-the-law-but-do-the-public-a-favor-every-time.png" border=0></a><br />Cyanide & Happiness @ <a href="http://www.explosm.net">Explosm.net</a> fidozorpian http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/309130 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:32 EDT http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/312748 HE : Can I buy you a drink? SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money. HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. HE : How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE : I must've been given your share. HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday? SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend. HE : Your face must turn a few heads. SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs. HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out. SHE : Okay, get out. HE : I think I could make you very happy. SHE : Why? Are you leaving? HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me? SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time. HE : Can I have your name? SHE : Why? Don't you already have one? HE : Shall we go see a movie? SHE : I've already seen it. HE : Where have you been all my life? SHE : Hiding from you. HE : Haven't I seen you some place before? SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore. HE : Is this seat empty? SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. HE : So, what do you do for a living? SHE : I'm a female impersonator. HE : Hey baby, what's your sign? SHE : Do not enter. HE : Your body is like a temple. SHE : Sorry, there are no services today. HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. GUYS DoN'T GET OFFENDED lilaznboo http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/312748 Fri, 18 Jul 2008 00:49 EDT http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/311198 <img src = "http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p44/INFP9/1-4.jpg"> <img src = "http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p44/INFP9/2-4.jpg"> <img src = "http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p44/INFP9/3-3.jpg"> <img src = "http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p44/INFP9/4-5.jpg"> <img src = "http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p44/INFP9/5-4.jpg"> <img src = "http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p44/INFP9/6-3.jpg"> <img src = "http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p44/INFP9/7-3.jpg"> Heheheheeee http://www.zorpia.com/forum/19324/311198 Thu, 10 Jul 2008 06:12 EDT