Falling for a friend

I know of many people haveing found STRONG feelings for others on the net, it is quite easy for that to happen. The best thing is just to accept, and beware of it in the future
I have had strong feelings for many friends on the net in the past 8 years. None of them romantic. but strong feelings all the same. Gradually you learn to control your feelings so that it does not happen again.
Take care Sharon, try to just make good friends.
*SMILES*

Yeah. he's a net friend in deed. We met up and for the past year, we became real close. Hanging out and sharing a lot with each other. Most important, we have trust towards each other.
I should be happy for him shouldn't I? Silly me, knowing that he's happy with his life is good enough for me. Tears will go away, feelings will subside. As a result of this, I've learned to be stronger, more focus and wiser.
Thanks Chris.

stop falling from net

You can';t stop feelings dun u?
It's not about whether i met him online or in real, it happens.

i understand and i been there,is just i stop those kind of feeling since the day i told myself....shut up bitch i need to work on myself lol

hahaha.. Yeah. Because of this, I've changed my attention to my work, my studies and my life. Take good care and have a nice life!

thanks.....and becarefull with ppl on net lol

Including me lol?
*SMILES*

u suck lol

Get your own man and see if he's jealous. How about the Haku Master who doesn't mind a bit of both, for the right price of course bahahaha!

Nah. Don't sell your self online ya! lolz

I'll start an auction, me love you long time. 5 dolla suckie suckie. Who wants me?

Have you seen " My Bestfriend's Wedding"pretty cool huh...well for me It's better to maintain Friendships than lovers,,friendships it will last long,,be there for each other and someone you can easily talked to,,Lovers there's a change and chance of losing each other if things went bad and never fix those friendship that you put up to it,, who knows one day he might realize that deep inside on his heart there's a special feelings for you,,and that time it will be good.. Good Luck to you

That's what i think too. There's no breakup in friendship as i said. It lasts forever. Thanks for reminding bout the movie Jessica!

Meh I disagree with you. Friendships can break down. And friends won't always love you as much as a lover - that's why they're your "lover". Plus it makes sense to develop those feelings for someone you know well... you're not gonna love someone without knowing them.

no miss im dissagree with ur statement lets imagine is sky lookine beautifil wihout stars or moon?? stars ar more important thatss why frdss ar more important...........if someone is your closest frdss u broke the frdship very lightly no never n by the way commitment is also can be break down.and some frds love more than u as compare tu ur boyfrds n those ar ur best frd of life u shareall the things with them ur private........n when ur fellings develop fr some one u even dont know why it stars but i can sat that is clocest tu ur heart............ok m right na ............n ur last sentence is somehow true......ok take care

I prefer the moon for the most part. It's often much more beautiful than the stars. And my boyfriend is my best FRIEND and I share ALL things with him and often not with my friends, he's not gonna betray me.

And you don't need to write on my profile to get my attention here. I'll reply when I'm ONLINE and see the response flashing. No sooner. o.O

Stop smokking first.

ooooouuch! hurtz doesnt it..be cool, drink alot of Rum, and fall in love with someone else...

yeah friends matters than lovers but online cause to get a lover on this type of world today on net is 8% out of 100% -dont waste time kill yourself on real life and real people//
* I didnt mean you kill yourself but spend time on .. :) *

friends are better lover than anyone coz' you already knew each other better...

hi,
sometimes u cant help but fall in love with ur friend.
but its really easy to maintain a friendship than having an intimate relationship, bec when things go wrong its hard to turn back good relationship and seldom lovers becomes friends again. but if u maintain friendship its easily to patch up things..

thanks Gracee. I agree with you. Perhaps for now, I will just be a loyal friend to him, nothing more. Anyhow, I hope that he's happy with his gf.

your welcome..believe me ur decision for now is the best thing to do. after all if u keep your friendship with him, you will always be one of the person he will look for if he has a problem..with that ur relationship with ur friend remains intact =)than having an intimate relationship but not forever ^_^

i fell for a friend, well we did each other. then after dating decided being friends is better the dating.

Hmm. Sometimes, being friends are far more better than being couple ain't it.

yeah, friends is casual. bfgf theirs all that sexual pressure.

lolz, thats amazingly true. But his gf is checking on him all the time. Can't even chat online.

she doesnt trust him then. that wont last long.

thats what i thought. But he doesn't mind. That really surprise me.

ummmmmmm thats a hell proplem
any way the girl i love now was my best friend so what i will tell you maybe good but maybe also not work for you
wait for the right moumant and start to make him fell that you have fellings for him
if you couldnt dont get to close to him and start to get away cuz soon you will start to destroy every relitionship he have and you will not notice that
good luck for you anyway and sorry for the hard fellings but this what you should pay for now :)

Thanks for the suggestion. I treasured our friendship more than anything in the world. Nice to know that friends can be lovers too. ;)

hehehehe yeah they can in some occusions :P
any why you think that your freindship is worth it than just push him to the better for him and you will get the best :)

Lol....he's not ur friend anymore...he's ur lover!!
In our lives when we meet someone who don't judge us, understand us, laughs with us, allows us to experss our true emotions\feelings infront of him\her without us getting paranoid of what he\she will think of us.....that someone become our friend.Here the love is created not by "attraction" but by "admiration".Although their are some cases where admiration creates attraction, this usually happens when after spending lot of time with ur best friend ur inner body knows that the person u admire most is the best option available for procreation(yeah that's how nature has wired us...it may sound cold but it's true). Admiration has longer wavelength than attraction, it's not impulsive, it's slow and steady.....in any long relationship(people happily married for 40 years, parent child relationship etc.), u will find admiration far more than attraction.Attraction on the other hand is impulsive and acts as a rocket booster(yeah...alll those harmonal surges which makes us do crazy things) to forge\create the initial relationship(mostly for procreation)....it's what keeps the "sparks" alive in a relationship.Once a deep relationship has formed, attraction hands over the charge to admiration as now that is more important to "sustain" the relationship. Many times we feel "attracted" to our friends but still holds back either because of some fear(like fear of rejection, of loosing our friends etc.) or because we know that this friend is unavailable or is already with someone else.So in reality this friend has already become ur lover but on the outside he\she is still ur "best" friend.I think urs is a similar case.
Now their are many differences between a friend and a lover.....most basic being that u don't interact with ur "friend" in the "intimate zone"( It is the zone of your most intimate interactions with people, typically a small handful of people with whom you have the closest relationships. This includes kissing, hugs, whispers and close conversation, and intimate types of touch.) which by the way is not the case with ur lover. This is ur body's natural mechanism to show "acceptence" of other human being. Oh by the way here i was talking about
Proxemics


To cut the long story short here is what u can do:-
1. Find out that during a normal face to face conversation how close he "allows" u to come close to his body(I am assuming u r not net friends who have never been together in real world). If it's in the intimate zone.....he also have the same feelings for u as u have for him, it's just that since both of u were shy enough not to tell each other about ur feelings, he has hanged out with someone else. Lol...u know what to do next :)
2. If point 1(mentioned above) fails u can do either of the two things :-
(1) Bring the inner awareness to accept the situation and people as they are, don't resist any inner emotion.If you can do this, both of u will still be good friends and most importantly it wouldn't hurt u to see him with his GF.
(2) If you can't do the above, forget him and try to ignore him...just move out with ur life, time will heal ur inner self.I say that because our "pain bodies" (think of them as something inside us which feeds on pain...either pain of others or of ourself and make us addicted to pain in life) in this case would have found the reason to make u more miserable by bringing stupid thoughts in ur mind which at the time would look very logical\convinsing.

wow, this info is more useful.thanks for sharing :)

you are welcome :)

Hey dude thats awesome, I been trying to explain that kind of spherical system to friends for years, only in another context.
Instead of it being about personal space and physical social interactions though, I use it more relation to who you let into your heart on an emotional level, weather its just caring for someone, loving someone, or being in love with someone, and how deeply.
With yourself being the center, the one that you are romantically involved with in the next segment, then the next is for family and close friends, then social acquaintances, and so on.
Obviously those closer to the center are the ones that can do more damage when it comes to being hurt emotionally.
same principle, and just as effective. :)

Thanks for the input Futility, you are just SO right! ;-)

u r welcome :)

:)

u into psychology or some human behavioral studies or articles, the least? I am just not surprised with that list :P

Nope...i am a software engg....never read psychology, though would love to do that one day.Follow ur emotions when they arise...they will tell u much more than some fucking psychology book can ever tell u :)

I see. but then again, I wasn't just surprised to see such reply from you.
ahh, and btw, at first sight, i thought your nick was fatality; darn eyes +_+

Lol....what's their in that simple answer to make people taken for a surprise?? :P

couldn't get what u meant by:- fatality; darn eyes +_+

I'm just used seeing you giving 'the List'...

I've mistakened 'futility' with 'fatality'

"the list"...lol what list??

omg, why am i always in a different wave length ..
THE LIST..
THE LIST...
THE LIST....
.
.
ehy, don't blame me, you gave me some series of questions related to this ISTP > INFP transition of mine.

yeah i remember that....lol...i just sucks in cryptography :)...too much for my lil brain!!....those were few questions...i was wondering what list u were talking bout :D....ok sorry :)

Man! :S
nah, no biggie.. You can forget about it. ayt?

yeah sure !!

However, if you are -1.5 feet and nervous ... offer to pluck eyebrows and give advise for facial skin then back up and say you got class to go to or work to do ... then leave.

Nice one :)

really?

I don't say words which I don't mean!!

Nor do I - Thanks :)

u r welcome!

thank you again :)

lol...ok it's over now :) u r always welcome..not get over this thank u mania...sounds very formal!!

alritey.

:)

Well, we certainly passed the 1.5 feet barrier. We had everything but things with his gf was just too spontaneous for me. If he considers me as a best friend, he could just tell me. But he afraid that i might get hurt from this. He said he felt guilty. I didn't want to meddle around his relationships with his gf. Life goes on, and I just want to see him happy with his life. If he prefers me to be the bestie rather than his lover, i have to accept that. It's too painful to lose even a friendship with him.

As i told u before, "best" friend is the lover whom we are afraid to tell\accept in public(considering both r of opposite sex :P..although homos r quite common these days!).nd in ur case u already know the answer....when u say that he accepted that he felt guilty for accepting u as his lover\best friend nd u r also afraid to meddle around with his life\gf. That gf thing is spontaneous for a reason...sometime people want some distraction when they want to ignore something in their real life, plus having a GF is considered by most men to be a social prestigue among their peers...lol social brainwashing...nothing more that's y i have seen sooo many new gf\bf relationships to form and die quickly because people entered into relationship not because they loved each other...but because they can't stand the social pressure....like on valentine day, unlike their friends they can't go out with some girl!!
The point is both of u are into each other but are afraid to take the first step!!...nd how do u know for sure that he's happy\in love with his GF?? That's y COMMUNICATION is sooo important in any relationship......both of u still have time ....nd if u guys feel shy then remember that communication is not always direct...not even neccessarily through words.Take ur time and think of ways u feel comfortable to communicate ur feelings...nd sorry to say but ur guy is silly :P.....btw their's nothing wrong in making the first move if u r a girl(untill the guy is very closed minded religious fucktard)....lol i find tht rather very attractive as it shows the confidence girl has in her relationship\love. All the best :)

Nowadays, the gf checked on him real tight. All I can say is that she doesnt trust him at all. I pitied him somehow. That's the reason it's hard for me to even talk to him, whether its on the phone, online or face-to face. I tried, and i get hurt more and more because our friendship of 2 years, can't even withstand 3 weeks old relationship.
But again, I'm in no position to be his savior to his relationship. Or perhaps, he just really want to be friends.

As to y his GF is after him...u being a girl can better answer thar though i suspect it has something to do with normal competition instinct of human beings...where they feel more self worthy if they can get someone who was with someone else before they entered into the scene.If she couldn't trust her love...sure it's not love in the first place....it's her own defenses comming out, maybe somewhere she still knows that ur guy is more into u than into her!! u feel pitty for him just to convince urself that what u r doing is right nd it's his loss, although frm inside u really want to be with him...it's not "his" loss...it's "urs(u nd that guy)" loss...GROW UP.Again when u say tht "our friendship of 2 years, can't even withstand 3 weeks old relationship." it's just a false thought inside u trying to make u more miserable(pain body i talked before....nd look what i said...it sure looks convinsing @ the moment...dosen't it?? :P ). nd last but not the least...don't be saviour to "his" relationship....be saviour to us "owns"!!. Till u r strong enough to genuinly communicate ur feelings things are not going to change....u will keep on justifying urself his actions\situations, nd these thoughts will look very convinsing to u nd will make u feel miserable because tht's what ur pain body wants!!

Lol...yeah that's true.The more closer a person to u, the more he\she is capable of doing damage to u.Reason is one word...."acceptence". U see all of us are designed in such such a way that our sense of identity\self worth derives directly frm our "acceptence" from the others in any given respect(intellectual,beauty,honesty...any trait\virtue). Acceptence can be in any form....from the smile of a stranger(who agrees to our point) to some graduation ceremony...or simply in the silence which says "yes i believe\trust u".
Suppose a women is beautiful, she will know that she is beautiful frm various signals...like people praising her beauty, pervs falling too often on her, people smiling @ her with their pupils wide open or other countless subtable human signals.Now this "acceptence"(that she is beautiful) will give her a new identity in that field(beauty)...it's a new image she will live by(would do things to make herself look more beautiful...as that's what she believes in).This assurance\feeling of self worth is what we call "confidence".Now if the same beautiful woman was never appreciated of her beauty....no matter how much she was beautiful...she will never feel that.
Interesting point is that acceptence by different people is not same.We feel more accepted by the words\actions of our loved ones(whom we trust more) than of a random person.So think of self identity\confidence as a multi story building, whose every floor is made by the acceptence of people close to us.This building is our self identity in our life.It's topmost stories are made by accepetnce by strangers\people while it's foundation is made by our acceptence by our loved ones....base one being made by the one we love most in our life.Now if that person(person closest to us) shows disapproval in any form...like by cheating, hiding facts,ignoring us etc. we are no longer sure that we were really accepted by them in our past, but that also implies that we can't be sure of our acceptence by other people as their words\actions might also be false as that of our loved one....the whole building COLLAPSE....the animated life we were living ...ENDS.That's the reason why people go into depression or loose confidence when betrayed by our loved ones....because we build our story keeping these persons as a building block...they for sure has the power to break us as we gave that power to them when we created our identity keeping them at the center.

wow, so true! *hats off*

** bows to Tunde **

hey, I know I'm totally off topic here, but can I ask u a question? I saw ur home in the pc world :)

lol...now u r kidding me...ok tell me where is my home??

:)) naaah my mistake, didn't express it well... I saw that u know ur way in the pc world... ;) and this is the question: I have a four yr old HP latop (and that is all I know about it) and the other night just out from the blue it went totally off...and since then no sound, no movement whatsoever ... at first glince: it's dead dead or just clinically dead? :)

Lol....does it boots?? what is the first screen u see when u power it ON??

lol, when that is my probl...it doesn't react in any way...it's just __________________________ :)) really the swith button isn't turns it on in any way...not a single sound...

Ok, seems like some internal power issue.Try removing the battries and power it with an AC adaptor....leave it for about 30 mins. to see if screen flashes or not.In case it's a problem with ur laptop screen, u can try to plug a VGA adapter to another external monitor to verify if it boots or not.U can also check if the RAM is placed properly or not.Though i m having a feeling that u gonna need to take it to the hardware store for inspection....problem maybe very simple, but it would need professional care :). Ok i m off the office now so will reply after...umm bout an hr if the traffic dosen't sucks today.All the best :)

ooo I could just hug u big time! thanks a lot for ur help! I couldn't reach my local pc geniuses, so I really appreciate it! only green lights on the road! ;)

**hugs back**...lol got a mile long traffic jam but other than that ...only green lights :)

i know how you feel. i'm somewhat in the same position as you are.