Journals
Thursday,Jan 15 2004, 01:41:00 PMNancy..... SOORRRRRRRRRRRRRIE ah...... gum i...
Nancy..... SOORRRRRRRRRRRRRIE ah...... gum i really really REALLY dont know u REALLY like carebear ga mah... i really thought as Jo said u r just using it as a METAPHOR ga mah... sorry... >.<
aigh... things r starting to get complicated! O__O i mean, are they BOUND to get complicated?? or is my brain too simple and is incapable to deal with this kind of stuff? i think so... =_=
we hv been text messaging each other with cell fone... can i say its like something is progressing? maybe for him it is?
he has said so many times "i l__e u" to me, and i miss u, and calling me h____y... my god... all i could answer was i miss u too... and a lot of "......"
aigh... i know it is not good to not say "i l__e u too" back to him, but i cannot lie... i just cannot lie! i do not l__e him, i love no one, seriously. yes i am a heartless bastard, if u dont know this already. thats y i dun wanna get into a relationship, cus i dun wanna be bound by it, i dont wanna take any responsibilities. yes i admit it, its all my fault!
so... ya maybe its me who got him into "liking me" and now he claims that if i dun like him he will die?? what the... oh man... that is not a bad thing... if i really LOVE him too... but no... saying this would really hurt him, but as usual my feelings are just fading... as usual my senses and reasoning is coming back to me, all those logics and stuff... and yes the feeling... is... not as strong... maybe sometimes it gets strong but not all day... i dunno if this is NORMAL? or... O___O;;; i am so afraid... if one day i dont feel anything for him anymore, what will happen to him le? i dont want him to get hurt... +__+
i am like trapped in this situation dunno what to do. all i can do is to wait and see if my feelings for him will come back and not go away anymore? or fade and fade and fade. if it comes back its good. if it fades i really have to work on how to make him NOT like me this way and at the same time not hurt him. i know he is not the kind that has a lot of self-confidence, and maybe somehow he does need this kind of relationship? i dont know... if its for him, and if i can do it, it would be my pleasure to help him gain more self-confidence thru this "relationship," if there is any. but i dont seem to be the kind that can do a good job when i am deliberately trying to do it... i tend to screw things up... darn... :'( and i dont want to have any negative impact on him... not his self-confidence... *sigh* what can i do!!!
what i found about myself is... what i feel for him is more like a desire to "protect" him? haha... damn... i should hv told him that i feel more like a sister to him... that kind of "like"... is more like... aigh... sympathy... =~= i tend to feel very intensely for him when i heard of his... hmm... unhappy experiences... and i feel like protecting him and helping him a lot after i hear about those stuff... i know... damn this is not LOVE... i mean, not THAT kind of love... but what am i to do now...
die la die la die la~!!!!!!
Thursday,Jan 15 2004, 03:36:00 AMin response to what jc said... of course i...
in response to what jc said... of course i am gonna stick along and see what happens... i dun wanna miss out anything... ;P no. i mean, i agree, if i just give up now, i will never know what happens next. and i wanna know what happens next.
the problem is, i am just not sure if i will mess things up for him if i stick along. as jc said yes there is a worry that if i stay along it would hurt the both of us at the end... in fact its ok if i get hurt, cus i chose to do that, of course i have to bear all the consequences. i am just worried that it would be real bad for him =(
so... ai... suen la gum, i stick along la. if i do anything bad to him... i mean if anything bad happens to him that is due to me, i deserve to die. >_<
Sunday,Jan 4 2004, 08:29:00 PMAIGH. so damn booobooobooooo. comp is half...
AIGH. so damn booobooobooooo. comp is half dead... i mean 80% dead... mouse and sound card n possibly visual card cannot be detected >_< so troublesome hv to use TAB for everything =~= so, sorry guys for the lack of update.
nothing new... just found out more and more lies and feeling more and more hopeless about any form of "relationships." seriously feel that it is impossible for me to really believe in anyone believe in everything they say. he said he liked BOTH but the "truth" is he dint "like" me b4 "i told him i like him" lor... and the airport thing... was a lie... and he said he "really" "likes" me NOW... but...
no... i cannot believe in ANYTHING he says ANYMORe... i tend to not believe in "sweet" things... and now it just proves that i was totally CORRECT. i should NEVER EVER believe in people whose mouth is flowery...
i dont believe in relationships... i dont believe that anyone would really like me... no... not him... he wont... hes not the one... hes definitely not the one... so... what else? shouldnt i just CUT it?