Thursday,May 11 2006, 09:46:05 PMBEER WARNING LABELS

Due to increasing product liability litigation, American beer brewers
have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels
be placed immediately on all beer containers :

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an 
asshole.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story
over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN !!!

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your pants.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may make your think you can logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung
Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't
remember).

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing 
WITH you.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem
to literally disappear.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

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Thursday,May 11 2006, 07:32:35 PMWhat is MARKETING?

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say:
"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Tele-marketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride
You then say:
"By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:
"I'm rich. Marry me."
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.

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