On this day, one year ago, back when in Grade 11 - what you thought could be the worst sometimes doesn't necassarily turn out to be, "the worst." Ironic, perhaps, but today, one year later - what you once thought, is the total opposite. This means, that today - instead of living an ordinary, peaceful, loving life - there is the seed of old feuds, hatred, and anger...whereas last year on this date - it was not really of anger, hatred, or rage - but modesty, perhaps even happiness.

Alas, those days are gone. What happened one year ago is deemed to repeat itself...so, this is history, eh? History repeating itself, constantly, without end, but not without a purpose. It is that purpose that I must know. Fortunately, perhaps unfortunately - when the past comes back to haunt you, scare you, I say, "Fuck your government, your democracy, your constitution, your bill of rights, because I am going to fucking scare the hell out of the world," -- I did that, yesterday. Gosh, you see how silly, ironic, perhaps even dramatic life becomes when you see it from a soldier's point of view? Welcome to the real world, kiddo - I'd much rather smuggle cocaine for the CIA than doing stupid, 180 degree turns with people in terms of friendships, and whatnot.

Oh well, what I did, I did it already, so, there is no turning back. If you were to ask me if I ever want to turn back and say, "I am sorry, forgive my sorry ass," I'd say,"NO," there is better adventures and missions ahead. Sure, the past repeats itself - but not always in the same pattern - it is just how you deal with it - that is my problem. The way I deal with people is so elusive, dangerous, and fatal that pretty much everyone is surprised at my rationale for making up the world's most stupid decisions...like the time when I didn't open the door for one of my friends...hahaha, stupid Xinyu...

I did too many stupid things this year already - let's count - being suspicious of everyone, locking out my friend from getting into my house, and three - what I did yesterday. Now, whoever said life isn't fair is absolutely fair in saying it - because guess what? I don't expect fairness, equality, and equity to be suddenly established on this planet by some damn saviour of the world - because I know, that those ideas are too idealistic - the world is too rooted in itself to even give a shit about racial, gender, sexual equality - although I do...but that is another story in itself which I don't need to rant about...

Now...what happened three days before, last year? Oh yes - that email - I remember it when you sent it to me. Oooooh, scary, scary times back then. I was such a fool long ago, but now that I look back - I saw my vices, and my personal faults at what led to the downfall of our friendship back when in Grade 10...so traumatic an event - I never really got over it - it is the source of my greatest strength and my greatest weakness...or, at least, was...but probably still is, no, it still is...

I suppose now that the one year anniversary of us getting back together in the library, "remembrance," has been, "remembered," "contemplated," and, "valued," it is time to move on with the present so that I may make the future - the perfect future - not a utopian future, but enough of a utopian future where everyone would be, "happy." My destiny lies in my own hands - never in the hands of the vile past...but it is that same vile past that give a new hope for the future...I'd just leave fate for the majority to take care of - I am The Minority Report...

Yours, in remembrance of the past - a distant friend, but not so distant

Xinyu Hu

p.s. "I dare you to skull fuck me. I am the better fucking skull fucker."

p.p.s. "When you think the world is against you - there is at least one person, or at least enough people to realize that it is not always you - its just who you are."

p.p.p.s. "I love conventional and unconventional means and ends of obtaining what I want - that way - life could be a bit spicy..."