lordx101's Journal in October 2006
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Last night I had one of the strangest dreams ever...it involves this girl...(not a surprise - its the same one all the time) - anyways, to make this short and sweet (like the dream is) - I am going to have to say things as they did occur... or at least the way that I remember them the most... Anyways...I was walking to meet up this girl, and we happen to be very, "familiar," with each other, so I decided, "Yeah, sure, might as well see what is going on..." So, I was walking along, and then I met her. I don't know why, or how it happened all that quickly like the freaking speed of light, but she freaking hugged me, and kissed me...sound sappy? Don't ask further questions, but that is the way the dream occurred, and for some odd reason or another me (or the person that I was) - hugged and kissed her back, and the odd couple started...you know what I mean...its a very emotional type of dream. I see these dreams at least one a month, or to be more accurate - once a week. I wonder what the heck it could possibly mean...the woman is always the same, no change whatsoever, except the situation...
Hope you all have fun deciphering this one...
Xinyu Hu
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After a long, hectic week end, and week, I have become quite independent...well, kind of... Anyways, these days, not much is going on, except for the usual study, and the typical group of people coming over to my house in order to finish a project. But that, is still not the point...the point is...I am writing a new story these days...and I am not planning to make them involve real life people...that is a no, no, especially in stories dealing with armies of different political psychology fighting one another in the world of the future. I don't need a self-fulfilling prophecy, thank you very much...(although I did once, but that was an accident - a couple years ago actually...). So, what are my stories are going to be about? Simple - war, war, war, and more war. Yip, that is the world of the Dark Lord (only the Dark Lord), so, it is not a surprise, then, that war should be predominant theme. Hence, in order to keep everyone in some state of mental awareness of what the war would be about - it is about how the Allies and the Soviets war of the world eventually lead to the formation of several, "Synthesis," organizations, armies, and new political fronts - all seeking to dominate the world. That is the goal of my story - to entertain, to teach, but above all - to educate the ignorant masses into KNOWING something, anything other than what kind of shitty XBOX 360, PSIII, or Game Cube Advanced, and PSP crap - to get away from the media, and to start thinking for themselves (may imply selfishness, but it is not meant that one). As a freethinker myself, I find it crucial to get to the bottom of the state of the world - that it is always based on the same political philosophy in every nation, culture, or even social group - the High, the Middle, and the Low. The secrets of power lies in keeping an ignorant population, and also to emphasize the power and strength of the Hegelian dialect. This is only the beginning. If anyone wants to see my story when it is published, I'll announce on my Zorpia, and home Xanga site. For now, ladies and gentlemen - love you all, and waiting for the rise of the new Empire-Republic coalition Universal Alliance.
Yours, with best dreams and wishes
Xinyu Hu
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Nearly a week has passed since my biggest sin of the year...I'll have to repent, and redeem myself from the evil and the anger that consumed me...it was all my fault. I mean, those thoughts were getting to me - they needed to be neutralized - hence, the result is a twisted logic, corrupted reasoning, and a nearly-defeated self (and society, if you even consider that to be part of the, "Self."). So, let me know what I have done wrong, when I knew this all along, go around a time or two, just to waste my time with you...ah, the words of the All-American Rejects - my favourite bands. I just hope I am not so rejected, or at least, hated by my really good friend...stupid Asperger's - the blessing and the curse to my life - the true hope and the false hope to what I have done. Of course, I could repent, and play this game out nice...but is it really worth it? Of course it is...but it would also be embarrassing. However, after talking to my second really good friend, Gabriel tonight, much of my old hatred, anger, and rage has subsided - all I needed was someone else to talk to (not my really good friend, only because...) At last - I am satisfied with your behavior tonight. You responded thoroughly and clearly to my ideas, and at last - no more silent treatments! Yeah, but I would not be too confident, just confident in maintaining this friendship. Let us just let go of the past, and go on with the present and the future. I think we have settled away the issues of the past...naturally, rather, thank goodness. Thanks to talking to you, I am now, at last, able to see that there is indeed a subtle hope in this End Game - me and that, other...person...Lessard, I believe? Whatever - I could do something else other than needing to embarrass the fuck out myself - just be, "nice," "good," and, "humble," to everyone else...and if they reject it, I don't give a shit...sure, I may be bad sometimes, but being bad does not mean that I could not get back to being selfless, caring, loving, and nurturing (as that is the natural me, the unnatural version is too ugly - I am sure you all have seen how far I gone into hating someone, or even loving someone)...I am sooooooo extreme. Thank goodness there is hope...no matter, I could pay my soul-debt of hatred, rejection, and feudal warfare simply by praying to God that I would rather go to hell for what I have done (as if I am not there already, hahaha...)...and being, "kind, friendly, neutral, mutual, and serving to others," but not to radical extremes, of course...being ultra sucks...) Hence, after at least three resistances, revolutions, and evolutions deep within the fire of my soul (mostly in a state of war, but willing to go to peace at a price...), I have decided upon the following: - Whatever I have done, I done already, so there is no turning back - but there are essential loopholes to get through... - Reorganize the Empire and the Republic into the Imperial Republic, or the Republican Empire - a combination of constant conquest but also negotiations... - Get myself as many real-life distractions as possible so that I don't ever have to give a shit about the things that bother me the most (and harm me and everyone else the most)...not worth the effort, nor the bitter hatred (although at the time, they appeared appealing, almost seductive) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hence, everyone, the Third Order has been completed. It would begin in 33 hours from now; but during that time, it would be implemented...spiritually, naturally, and without harm...yip, time to pay my eternal debt with my fucking soul...greetings hell...nice to meet you... Yours, humbly, and in redemption....
Xinyu Hu
p.s. "Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, they just blow it up." p.p.s. "Q: If George W. Bush were to be a rat, what would he do? A: He wouldn't know he is a rat, he's too stupid..." p.p.p.s. "Q: What is public opinion? A: When the people has nothing to say, you say it for them."
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On this day, one year ago, back when in Grade 11 - what you thought could be the worst sometimes doesn't necassarily turn out to be, "the worst." Ironic, perhaps, but today, one year later - what you once thought, is the total opposite. This means, that today - instead of living an ordinary, peaceful, loving life - there is the seed of old feuds, hatred, and anger...whereas last year on this date - it was not really of anger, hatred, or rage - but modesty, perhaps even happiness.
Now...what happened three days before, last year? Oh yes - that email - I remember it when you sent it to me. Oooooh, scary, scary times back then. I was such a fool long ago, but now that I look back - I saw my vices, and my personal faults at what led to the downfall of our friendship back when in Grade 10...so traumatic an event - I never really got over it - it is the source of my greatest strength and my greatest weakness...or, at least, was...but probably still is, no, it still is...
Yours, in remembrance of the past - a distant friend, but not so distant
Xinyu Hu
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The 23 Enigma and the Mystery of the 33
Tuesday,Oct 24 2006, 01:47:54 AM (Last updated: Tuesday,Oct 24 2006, 10:37:05 PM)
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These days - there is only one way to sum up everything I've done wrong, right, or just don't know - 66% on my latest physics test - that is, 33/50, not good, I know, but is a subliminal message from somewhere to me...or at least to my god-forsaken soul, that has been pretty much cursed on this day...which means...you got to wonder? Is brute force, absolutism, doublethink, esponage, warfare, distrust, and fear the way to go to achieve what you desire most? According to my moral inside - NO. However, sadly, tragically, with a taste of remorse, anger, and frustration, arrogance, bitterness, and pity - that is hardly the case for my mind. While my heart may feel guilty, and misleading the mind - the mind has, in essence - conquered my entire being - I still have heart - that ancient heart that seemed to have been burnt away into ashes...but there may still good, forgiveness, love to my old enemies, forgiveness, and understanding. I have either totally lost my innocence these past few days, or the dark side has gotten me in its tight grip of the lust for power. Power? But power for what? Understanding? Love? Anything worth fighting for, dying for, sacrificing your damn soul for? Of course there is - always. But power? I don't know. Anyhow, before I go on with this spiel for ever - I must summarize the tragedy and hope of the 23 Enigma: - Mrs. MacDonald's death in a boating accident this week end - which was announced today - on the 23rd day of the 10th month of the year... - Me, doing the most horrendous, vile thing there ever could be done to a person - dumping them for ever, rejecting them, their efforts, their opinions, their thoughts, feelings, and ultimate existence - fuck this, I am going to hell... - At last - my arrogance, anger, and agitation is at its peak - victory is defeat, only through defeat could I gain victory...DEFEAT...fuck VICTORY... Now, concerning 33: - Yesterday's atmospheric pressure - 100.33 kPa down, on 10/22 - 22 and 33 are multiples of 11 - my physics class has 33 students - my world religion's class has 32 students - but with Roger - it equals 33 - there are 33 pages of research notes for my Freemason essay for world history - Freemasonry has 33 degrees of initiation, both visible and invisible - there are currently, and always will be 33 personal profile pictures for display on my Zorpia... - there will be 33 days of regretting what I have done today - then afterwards - MOVE ON with my fucking life... - after every 33 collection of Zorpia journals - it is vital to stop writing for 33 days...(my personal favourite ritual of a sort to increase my, "writing power."), that is, only on Zorpia - so instead, everyone might have to see my Xanga instead... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yours, tragedy and hope
Xinyu Hu ps. Xinyu - may be there is a time when you go to hell, and you'll have to face your old enemies once again, what will you do? I say - let them come. pps. Lord X, you are fucked. ppps. For every action, there is an opposite and equal in magnitude disaster that is just as merciless, brutal, extreme, and bitter - just wait until fucking Karma comes out to face you - my response: If they come, let them come.
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