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Sex in the Dark

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 19:34 EST

Sex in the Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him of this habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. 'You impotent bastard,'

She screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!'

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

'I'll explain the toy . . You explain the kids.'

Send this to 5 people or else you'll have a bad sex Life FOREVER

THE WEDDING TEST

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:56 EST

THE WEDDING TEST

My girlfriend and I had been dating for
over a year
when we decided to get
married. My parents helped us in every
way, and my
friends encouraged me.
My girlfriend? She was a dream! There
was only one
thing bothering me.
That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty
years of age, wore tight
miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would
regularly bend d! own when near
me, and I got many a pleasant view of
her underwear. It had to be
deliberate. She never did it when she
was near anyone else.
One day little sister calls and asked me
to come
over to check the wedding
invitations. She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that soon I was to
be married,
and she had feelings and
desires for me that she could not
overcome and did
not really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love
to me just
once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and could not say a
word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my
bedroom, and if
you want to go ahead
with it just come up and get me." I was
stunned.

I was frozen in shock as I watched her
go up the
stairs. When she reached

the top, she pulled down her panties and
threw them
down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned
and! went
straight to the front
door. I opened the door and stepped out
of the
house and walked straight
toward my car.
My future father-in-law was standing
outside. With
tears in his eyes, he
hugged me and said, "We are very happy
that you have
passed our little test. We could not ask
for a better man for
our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

The moral of this story is.....
Always keep your condoms in your car.

Don't avoid Pls read ....

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 23:20 EST

(Don't avoid Pls read this mail)
FROM Arvind Khamitkar , I.A.S , Director of Medical
& Research Div,
Chennai

Dear Friends,

A few weeks ago, in a movie theatre, a person felt
something poking from her seat.
When she got up to see what it was, she found a
needle sticking out of the seat with a note attached saying

"You have just been infected by
HIV".

The Disease Control Center (in Paris ) reports many similar
events in many other cities recently. All tested needles were HI V Positive.

The Center also reports that needles have been found
in cash dispensers at public banking machines. We ask everyone to use extreme caution when faced with
this kind of situation. All public chairs/seats should be inspected with vigilance and caution before use. A careful visual inspection should be enough. In addition, they ask that each of you pass this message along to all members of your family and your friends of the potential danger.

Recently, one doctor has narrated a somewhat similar
instance that hppened to one of his patients at the Priya Cinema in Delhi . A young girl, engaged and about to be married in a couple of months, was *****ed while the movie
was going on. The tag with the needle had the message

"Welcome to the World of HIV family".

Though the doctors told her family that it takes about 6
months before the virus grows strong enough to start
damaging the system and a healthy victim could survive about 5-6 years, the girl died in 4 months, perhaps more because of the "Shock thought".
We all have to be careful at public places, rest God help! Just think about saving a life by forwarding this message. Please, take a few seconds of your time to pass along.

With Regards, Arvind Khamitkar ,
I.A.S, Director of Medical & Research Div, Chennai.

Rather than forwarding irrelevant mails, kindly pass
this to every one.
Probably ur mail can help to save his/her life

-

mind feng sui

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 14:10 EST

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN! .. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

Save childs against predators

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 07:04 EST

Save this list for future reference .. it might just save a child from one of these animals

Thank you for your time

++++++++++++++++++++

PLEASE FORWARD -

If you or someone you know needs help ~ contact one of these:

~~~~~
Advocates for Survivors of Child Abuse(Australia) >

http://www.asca.org.au/
~~~~~
Australian Federal Police >

www. afp.gov.au
~~~~~
Australia Crime Stoppers (National site) >

www. police.nsw.gov.au/crimestoppers/
~~~~~
Australia >

www.virtualglobaltaskforce.com/country_identification.html
~~~~~
Buddy Browser (Safe Fun Internet for Kids) >

http://www.buddybrowser.com/
~~~~~

Cybertip Line >

www.cybertipline.com

One of the most important tools for law-enforcement personnel and families was the development of NCMEC’s CyberTipline. This online reporting mechanism has initiated numerous investigations and arrests of child predators
~~
Child Exploitation & Online Protection Centre >

http://www.ceop.gov.uk/index.asp

The Child Exploitation and Online Protection (CEOP) Centre works across the UK and maximises international links to tackle child sex abuse wherever and whenever it happens.
~~~~~
Child Shield >

www.freewebs.com/child_shield/
~~~~~
Child Abuse Prevention Network >

http://child-abuse.com/
~~~~~
Childabuse.com (Prevention thru Education & Awareness) >

http://www.childabuse.com/
~~~~~
Canada Departmentof Justice >

www. canada.justice.gc.ca/en/
~~~~~
Canadian Crime Stoppers >

www. canadacrimestoppers.com/britishcolumbia.htm
~~~~~
Child Shield >

www. freewebs.com/child_shield/
~~~~~
Cops Online New Zealand >

www. police.virtualave.net/
~~~~~
Don't Believe The Type >

http://tcs.cybertipline.com/
~~~~~
HM Prison Service England & Wales >

www. hmprisonservice.gov.uk/
~~~~~
International >

www.icmec.org/
~~~~~
Ireland Garda Siochana >

www. garda.ie
~~~~~
Kid Protection Network >

www.kidprotectionnetwork.org
~~~~~
The Lost Child >

www. lostchild.net/
~~~~~
Mothers Against Sexual Predators At Large >

http://www.maspal.org/
~~~~~
NAPCAN (National Association for Prevention of Child Abuse & Neglect) >

http://www.napcan.org.au/
~~~~~
NCMEC (National Center for Missing & Exploited Children) >

www.missingkids.com/
~~~~~
Northern Ireland Police Authority >

www. nipolicingboard.org.uk/
~~~~~
National Criminal Intelligence Service >

www. ncis.co.uk/
~~~~~
National Center for Missing & Exploited Children >

www. missingkids.com/
~~~~~
New South Wales Police Service >

www. police.nsw.gov.au
~~~~~
PedoWatch International >

www.pedowatch.org/
~~~~~
The Police Services of the UK >

www. police.uk/
~~~~~
Scottish Prison Service >

www. sps.gov.uk
~~~~~
South Africa >

http:// za.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PubCaseSear- chServlet
~~~~~
Tasmanian Police Service >

www. police.tas.gov.au
~~~~~
UK hotline for reporting illegal content >

http://www.iwf.org.uk/

Specifically Child Sexual Abuse content hosted worldwide and criminally obscene and incitement to racial hatred content hosted in the UK
~~~~~
U.S. National Sex Offender Public Registry >

http://www.nsopr.gov/
~~~~~
U.S. EPA Criminal Investigation Division (CID) >

www. epa.gov/enforcement/about/offices/division/cid.htm- l
~~~~~
Watch Right Internet Crimes Against Children Weblog >

www. blog.watchright.com
~~~~~

Today is my birthday

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 19:22 EST

Today on September 10 it 's my birthday,

Guys' Rules :-) sent by my friend harry larsson

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 11:32 EST

Guys' Rules :-)

--------------

Now here are the lifes simple rules from the male side.

These are our rules! [[;)]]

Please note... These are all numbered "1"

ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon

Or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.

And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1 If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something

Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1 Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour . Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepar ed to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, Or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.! Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

I hope You had a good laugh now!

Pass this on to Friends if You like 2...

If to a Woman...

To give them a bigger laugh!!!

Thank you so much harry