you ever had that moment
where you just need to cry
hold myself in bed
while the tears make my body shake
my breath intake
quick and a long release
these memories shake me to the core
of him
all of them
i cant believe they still have the power
to make me feel so damm low
how little he made me feel
with each fucking blow
even with new love
the feelings only intensify
should i share this with him
my answer is no
only because im afraid
he will not want me anymore
who would want someone like me
when even i dont want to be me
and saying the line before this
hurts more than words can say
at this moment
im a weak weak soul
who sheds tears
of my spirit
i just want to end this hellish nightmare
i face it sooner than later
i must look at me in the mirror
without looking away
he asks to see my eyes
but i can only show for a second
if he were to look closer
he would see
crying
dying
soul of fear
shed in
a drowning tear
i cannot share my weakness
because im afraid he could not bare it
or that he would treat me the same
only difference now is
the second he chooses to cross my border
im gone faster than a whip pistol.
is that self love?
im just not sure
i know what i dont want
its the past to happen again
ive realized that i wont stay for it
i do deserve better
or so i tell myself
sometimes my mind fights hard to feel good
im so used to being deprived of good things
ahhh just dont care

im broken into little pieces

and the only thing that can put me back

is you, just you ok

look me in the eye

hold my heart in hand

and tell me you love me

in the mirror

what more do i need?

nothing