moatasem medhat ®
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Tuesday,Feb 20 2007, 07:06:46 PM(Last updated: Tuesday,Feb 20 2007, 07:09:24 PM)
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الف الف مبروك لكل احباب حميد الشاعري
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Monday,Feb 12 2007, 04:36:46 PM
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It may not be what you think For most of us, there are two types of dream dates: the ones we conjure in our minds and the ones we're likely to choose in life. Very rarely do the two actually correspond on more than a few points. There's nothing wrong with the disconnect -- it's just that most people don't actually want what they think they want, particularly when it comes to love. It's not a matter of settling for what we can get; it's about going after the soul mate that fits our soul's needs. How closely is your fantasy aligned with your reality? Take a look at this guide to see if you really want who you think you want. The Physical Got it? Now picture the last four people to whom you were truly and deeply attracted. It doesn't have to have been a spiritual connection -- just honest chemistry. Consider where the reality and fantasy overlap and where they don't. It might not be a shock that it's not a perfect match; it isn't easy to find your physical ideal in the earthly realm. What is intriguing is the kind of discrepancies we find. Men who dream of exotic femme fatales serial-date girl-next-door types. Women who imagine they want a manicured Abercrombian repeatedly eschew the well-groomed for the ruggedly handsome. If your fantasy matches your recent reality, congratulations; your subconscious is in touch with your desires. But if they didn't, you're in good company. Most people are strongly, viscerally attracted to someone other than their alleged ideal. The Professional They say that businessmen dream of being artists, while those artists fantasize about careers in business. It's perfectly natural to wonder about the lives we didn't choose (and the partners we don't have). But that doesn't mean your fantasy is a recipe for happiness. You chose your partner among thousands of people. You didn't do it blindly. If you're not emotionally obtuse, your partner's career probably means less to you than, well -- your partner, and his or her interests and skills factored into that preference. And besides that, in terms of your relationship, the most important occupation of your partner's time isn't his or her occupation. It's you. Colin Farrell and Selma Hayek are perfect for the occasional roaming thought, but let's face it -- if they stepped off the screen and into your life, they wouldn't have time for you. The same is true of any famous politician or concert cellist. People who have built fantasy lives for themselves often do so at the cost of their personal lives. Those who nourish their personal lives reap the rewards -- and so do their mates. Just something to think about if you thought you were chasing the wrong dream. The Emotional Another common fantasy is the pursuit of one's own polar opposite. We're fascinated by the traits we aspire to in ourselves. Perhaps an analytical, introspective person fantasizes about the fearless, extroverted comedian. That's all well and good, but when it comes to finding someone to relate to, she might find more of a kindred spirit in someone with both feet on the ground. Studies show that people are more compatible (and more likely to share lasting relationships) with partners with similar beliefs, interests and goals. That means the figment that gets your heart pumping in theory often falls flat when it comes to spending time together on a Saturday night. The Impossible So have expectations. Have fantasies. Continue to clarify what it is you want and need in a relationship. But sometimes a dream is best left as a dream. Try not to let looking for the perfect love keep you from finding (or appreciating) the best one. |
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