Sunday,May 29 2005, 12:16:14 PMfeelings

the human heart/mind is very interesting.

on the drive back home today, i had a strong feeling i was going to get into some kind of accidents, for some reasons. it might have to do with the fact that i was driving 80mph on a SF bay area freeway (US 101/I 80). fortunately, that didn't happen. (earlier in the day when i was going to SF from home... it did almost happen tho. some big van/truck kind of car tried to switch lane [2 at a time too, no less] and totally didn't see me coming from behind at a MUCH faster speed on that 2nd lane he was coming over to. i had to dodge into the lane next to me to avoid him)

i had some strange feelings about somebody. i don't actually know who it is (as strange as it sounds). (i'm pretty sure it's a girl though) some things i've seen/encountered/thought about today ignited the feeling, but i'm not sure what either. i am really, really weird these days. don't mind me.

i both like it and hate it when i see something that is an evidence of how my mother takes care of me. for example, tonight, when i came back home (really late.. about 3:30am), i saw in my bedroom, next to my bed, a pair of slippers placed neatly on the floor. i didn't have slippers before. i then recall my mother telling me earlier in the day (or yesterday, i don't even remember, how shameful) that she got me some slippers. on one hand, i feel really warm... on the other hand, i feel so ashamed that i never put anything she told me or what she did to take care of me on my mind at all. will i ever be able to pay back all these?

i also thought about this matter too. i always think that, with the traits that i have in me and my luck and encounterings, one day i am going to rise to power and be all wealthy and powerful, holding a great position in some organization and people will basically live on me and have their life or death depend on me. and then i'll be that all evil boss who doesn't care what he does in order to achieve victory/success in what he persues. at that time i'll be betraying friends, eliminating my enemies, and doing everything horrible you can think of in order to get richer and richer, and more and more powerful. i would then think that, at that time, the only people who i will still never betray would be my parents. but then they would be the ones who will keep trying to stop me from doing all these bad things. but then again, i would just say, "don't you guys want our family to be richer? we suffered enough in poverty when i was young, and now we don't have to suffer anymore. why stop me from doing this?"

yeah, it's a very typical of those guys from TV dramas/movies. those who grew up in a really poor family and work really hard to rise to great power and wealth; but unfortunately has a bad soul to go with it.

i always think of weird things.

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Friday,May 27 2005, 08:36:43 AMconditioning

if i were to name one person who has affected me most, as a person, during my 4 years in college, i think it would be Kevin Lam (ah Fat). this might be surprising to some of you (the fact that it's not a girl; and he's not my single closest friend either among all other guy friends even though he's one of the closest ones).

this is also in terms of both my outlook and my personality and attitude as a person. i don't think i would be the same person today if i didn't meet him.

his optimistic ways of looking at things have taught me to be so as well. things/situations that i used to think were bad always turn out to be not so bad under his impression -- which changed how i view things as well. i guess the most important thing of all is his openness to things and not being shy about stuff. some of these are really hard to explain. for example, have you ever been in situations where you're talking to someone and he mentions something that he thinks you know all about, but you actually don't? under that situation, wouldn't you be inclined to say something along the lines of oh yeah, umm, i know? just to save face or something? but Kevin, he would just straight up say no i don't know what you're talking about. this is one of the most important things i learned from him -- in chinese we would call these having "thick face skin." and in addition to all that, i also learned a lot of my talking styles from him -- making me sound like a much friendlier person than i ever sounded before. to tell you the truth, i would be a much more pretentious, arrogant, shy, mean, and cheap bastard today, if i didn't meet this guy 4 years ago.

many of my outlook styles were copied from him. (he was the whole reason i started wearing beanies from like sophomore year on -- because that was when i first saw him wearing it and it looked good. but then again, most kinds of clothes look good on him anyway.) and speaking of that, he's also the one i envy most, because i would trade *anything* for his outlooks, including his body (even that alone.. i would trade anything for that buffness) and face (being one of the, if not the, best looking guy i ever met, among everybody i've met since i was born).

ironically, i happen to be the guy he envies the most as well, because of my secured job, programming skills, and other random talents (drawing, singing, english, etc.). why is the grass always greener on your neighbor's lawn? if only there really were a machine to exchange bodies, just like in Doraemon.

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Wednesday,May 25 2005, 09:36:10 PMsilly feelings

天天清早最歡喜 在這火車中再重逢你
迎著你那似花氣味 難定下夢醒日期
玻璃窗把你反映 讓眼睛可一再纏綿你
無奈你那會知我在凝望著萬千傳奇

愿永不分散 祈求路軌當中 永沒有終點
盼永不分散 仍然幻想一天我是你終站 你輕倚我臂彎

多渴望告訴你知 心裡面我那意思
多渴望可得到你的那注視
又再等一個站 看你意思
三個站盼你會知 千個站你卻似仍未曾知

it doesn't have to be a train right... can be a bus too.

too bad there's only going to be less than a month before i'll stop taking a bus regularly.

--

wahaha... and this too.

自從峨眉山上見到你 我好想飛鵝山上見番你
會將我D身家俾埋你 但你身份很神秘

然後我旺角又再見到你 地鐵站裡面突然牛牛地
我當晚輕咬著燒鵝脾 又再想得很完美

我有十數萬元跟身 有錢又有年華
就快有運埋堆擠身中國富豪
我有硬朗外形手瓜 腹肌仲有六舊
就快練埋詠春好身手

我有靈敏過人智慧 有幾十個銜頭
就快去埋牛津修個經濟博士
我有賣相造型好樣 女人望見頭暈
就快靚盡全港冠軍相

我有十個侍從跟身 去街極有氣勢
就快有埋成身西裝司機車隊
我有dung dung dung dung dung dung
可惜未敢開口 目訓低等生銹

尋晚我旺角又再見到你 我即刻閉目定神幻想起
有天我跟你一把年紀 住到海邊多完美

我想說的都經已忘記 讓暗戀多點神秘

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Monday,May 23 2005, 09:25:09 PMhaven't written for a while

not sure why i haven't written for a while, but my life has been pretty eventful lately.

when was the last time i had written? i wanted to follow up back from there but i don't even remember when did i stop, and what did i do ever since then. oh yeah. on thursday, i went to BBQ in the evening with the civil engineering cantonese guys (and girls). i took connie and mable there, and then saw william and larry while getting in there. then slowly everybody else came, it was pretty crowdy, i don't even remember everybody that i saw there. there was ghetto ray, calvin hau, patrick and his girl, nathan, nathan's roommate, alex, edmond, leon, willa, wendy, becky, candy, and umm i'm sure i'm missing a lot more.. there's also angela who i haven't seen for ages.. yeah.

on friday there was NATCAR, which was great. it makes me regret that i didn't do NATCAR in the beginning of the year just because how much fun the competition was. i also think that if i had joined kenny and philip's group, we would've won 1st instead of 3rd. =) also nice performance by quad's car, getting 4th.

on saturday i went to quad's graduation commencement in the morning. first time i went to Berkeley's Greek Theater too, it's a pretty cool place... nice cap design on quad too. i need to do something with mine too.... and i also need to come up with something good for my name.

later on on saturday i went to Eric's house (in bay area) for hotpot, with Eric, Denise, Alan, Kenneth. we played PS2 and stuff (mostly Winning Eleven 8 and later on Pacman Fever) later on in the night. Alan and i mostly owned at Winning Eleven. slept at his house and got up around 12 to go to lunch. later on in the night we came back to davis.... then i went to dinner with the EE friends at Pluto's.

--

it's kinda cool that everybody says Juno's Love Killer is "my song" now -- that seems to be everybody's impression of the song and of me as a singer (those who went to singing contest anyway.... which is a lot of ppl i know). of course "Shanghai beach" is also Eric's song and "In the name of father" is also Jason Ni's song, in the same way...

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Tuesday,May 17 2005, 08:12:27 AMfunny of the day

I felt that this was totally material to post on journal, so here I'm posting a new one again today... -- th IBigi: i want to have a good fight th IBigi: i always dream of having one of those dramatic fights th IBigi: where like a bunch of us heroes fight against an evil boss iambrian930: wtf th IBigi: lol th IBigi: that was totally "wtf" material th IBigi: but yea iambrian930: yea iambrian930: what evil boss th IBigi: it'll be hella cool tho th IBigi: like some evil kidnapper th IBigi: or something th IBigi: where like ill be fighting him in order to rescue the girl of my dreams th IBigi: and ill fight till blood flows all over my face and body iambrian930: lol th IBigi: ill have my friends like you and other guys helping me fight th IBigi: and by the end you guys will all faint out cus too injured and ill be the last one fighting and win th IBigi: thats my dream fight iambrian930: lol wtf th IBigi: thats hella final fantasy-ish th IBigi: then ill beat the boss and then fall down, pass out th IBigi: and the girl will run toward me and hold me in the arms iambrian930: thats total bs

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