I am the young and I am the old.  I have seen and heard the things I have not seen.  I have lived all places, one time or another in my lives. I have been influenced, and i have influenced others.  I rarely seek advice, but am seeked out by many for advice.  I have seen influential people born, prophets and world leaders.  I've seen kigndoms rise and fall. I have seen religions be born. I dream of my homes gone so long ago.  I dream of my memories of times past.  Who am I?  Just a simply person, with a gift that keeps on giving.  I have lived many times, and hope this is my last, to witness one more birth and one religion to be born. This is a thought to not be thought about to hard, or you will miss the message. Listen to your heart, and see with your eyes closed, that is where the truth is.

Looking over my journals i have really focused on the negitive of things. It is very true that at this time i have had a lot of emotional pain caused by others. To be honest a few from this site, but really i am not holding that against anyone. But the jouranl most read is a dream to never come true. Well i am here to tell you i am not distant to walk alone in this life.

Thinking to my self and trying to clear the fog in my mind. I finally see what i have been missing. A love so true starring at me, but some reason i was so blind to it. I am not going to struggle with why,'s and how's. I am just going to embrace the fact that a man loves me so true and i can not question that. I accept it and i am growing it to try to make it everlasting. Many will not understand and that is fine with me. Many will judge what they do not understand and that is ok because they do not know the truth. I will not require anyone to see things the way i do. All you need to understand is that i am finding the truth in me, the real me that has been lost for so long. Buried under the rubble i called a heart destroyed by broken promises. I see the light as i should, all the trash cleared out of my mind and was like finding the biggest discovery in the world. I may be in ruins like a ancient city but even ruin's have a rebirth by being discovered and be loved by someone very different. For the first time i smile and laugh and they are not fake but right from my heart. It is like atlantis coming back out of the ocean that swollowed it so long ago. I can not be brought down anymore. I am the light and truth.

As i reflect on times past, I wonder what i was thinking. My heart pained from the past, loveless, attentionless, was a mere pleasure not a wife. But time has passed and I moved on, let tecnology be my new master. There I got attention and something like love. But as with all things there is good and the bad. The bad found me, used me and disgraced me.  Still hurt from all the pasts, I just could not say no, men adored me, say to me " things will be ok now." Oh how they were wrong. As time goes by, I say hi and bye to many, but most times I am saying bye more and more. There are damn few who were special enough to take my time. I invested hours to the few who i did care about, knowing the day was coming i would have to say bye. But when that day came, I shed few tears, my mind clear and focused. I knew I could not do it anymore, attention is not worth it when you cry everyday because of it. More then anything I wanted to be loved but for the right reasons, not by what can be seen on a cam or my words to make a hard on. Men either want to be loved or have sex cam, I think I found the one's who wanted sex, and when you do not give it to them, you are named a whore? WHAT !!!! A whore is a loose woman giving sex to all men or at least many men, not a woman who respects her self for the man who will love her. When did it become wrong to be a decent woman to be loved truly. That is ok i am loved by a man so true and deep, i love that man. I keep his name in my heart, that way no one can take that from me too...................................