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panday1's Journal in December 2007


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THE MEETING OF THE YEARS


Tuesday,Dec 25 2007, 10:01:30 PM

THE OLD year is drawing to a close.

We are now sufficiently detached from Christmas with its feverish mood and its outburst of feeling to enable us to look forward with leisure to the new year.

The marking of time thus exerts an undeniably wholesome influence. Always, the meeting of two years is an occasion for contemplation-reminiscent, thoughtful, eagerly anticipative. We come, as it were, to a needed pause in the precipitate rush of our journey. We take time for a brief interlude of reckoning. We stop, we look about, and attempt to locate ourselves in the eternity of time and space through which we are hurrying.

Memory comes heavily laden. The old year we are about to lose suddenly becomes near and dear to us. We reconstruct scenes, we recreate feeling, we relive passion. The hours of happiness, the delights of success, the dear inconsequential felicities come thronging in and, holding them close, we peer apprehensively into the new unknown.

But inevitably in their wake comes the vaster, sadder throng-the lost dreams and the forgotten illusions, the fierce pains and the quiet tears. And we think of the new year wishing intensely, deeply, that it will be kinder. In our heart, without our knowing, the name of a new hope has arisen

The message of a new year is always heartening. To most of us, it is one of bountiful promise and beauteous renewal. We dream, we envision glory with unreasoning enthusiasm. The spirits are high. We harken to the promise of a rich fulfillment.

To others, it is true, the new year will bear a sadder gift; happily, the human mind cannot comprehend sorrow until it is come. Even to those among us who have been severely bruised by bitterness and pain, however, the new year carries a message of healing and restoration. Time is forever a balm to the wounded and a sanctuary for the sorrowful.

It may be then that we shall have only the same great sun and the unfathomed reaches of stars above us, that we shall still look into the same unchanging rivers winding their way to the immemorial sea. It may be that the new year will bring us neither the supreme glory of great heights, nor the nameless ignominy of infinite depths. Perhaps, its gift will be only this eternal pageant of the seasons, this strange mingling of laughter and tears, this little stock of duties done and suffering borne. But even these we can look forward to with rejoicing, heeding what Oscar Wilde once so beautifully said that "he who can look at the loveliness of the world and share its sorrow, and realize something of the wonder of both, is in immediate contact with divine things, and has got as near to God's secret as any one can get".

     

Christmas


Tuesday,Dec 11 2007, 10:22:34 PM (Last updated: Thursday,Jan 3 2008, 03:59:54 AM)

CHRISTMAS, presaged by the cool December dawns, the early falling shadows and the long chilly nights, is with us again. In the wan light, the city, so joyously alive, takes on added charm. The chop windows are at their best, colorful with wreaths and tinsel and holly. Then there are the Christmas trees, richly laden, beautifully trimmed. Even the dingy shop around the corner is gay with its paper bunting and streamers.

 All day there is an endless stream of traffic through which the crowds, happy-faced and eager-eyed, make their way. At night the great white roadways are ablaze; row upon row of bright city lights and picturesque lanterns-ruby red, turquoise blue, emerald green. Homes are in festal mood, spotlessly clean, donning new and attractive draperies, with little Christmas touches here and there-green wreaths with bright red bows of branches of holly with blood red berries.

But best of all, I know that Christmas is here because there is a contagious surge of gaiety and enthusiasm, there is a winning undercurrent of friendiness, there is an irresistible wave of generosity. Faces so often coldly reserved in cities are frankly gay. There is a greater warmth to the handclasp; even the very familiar "Merry Christmas" assumes new meaning and sincerity. It is as if mankind momentarily has slackened its pace, discarded for the time being it unthinking rush for the creaturethings of life, forgot awhile its pain and desolation, to celebrate a universal holiday.

Because Christmas is so very happy, it partakes of poignance. Man is never sadder than when he is happiest, and so as we gather around the festive board of home, we glance at the vacant chairs and remember. Memory is never keener than at such moments. We think of the vaniched companions with whom we had spent the day in the long ago. Out of the receding horizon of the past, we recreate feeling and revive associations. But Christmas is neither an orgy nor mere effervescent sentimentality.

It is a beautiful season, Christmas is, when we rise above the pettiness of our own being, to attune ourselves to the universality of its appeal. It is strange how Christmas has survived the commercialism to which it has been subjected and triumphed over the frantic rush for wordly considerations, even over the bitterness which follows frustration and disappointment. Each year it has risen above its fetters, a true season when people all over the world join hands and make merry. Herein lies the beauty of Christmas, not in a lone gathering however lavish or mirthful, but in the long chain of such gatherings uniting men of all climes into brotherhood, into a unity of feeling. Nor does it stop here. In the consciousness of other generations that have kept the day, we establish a link which defies the isolation of time as well as of place. And we realize how large the house of life really is and how hospitable.

And sometimes we wonder at the reason for so widespread an appeal. It cannot be that human suffering and sorrow and misery are gone. Rather, it must be because joy and enthusiasmand goodwill are contagious. The hearty greetings, the sincere word, the honest good will strike responsive chords in our innerselves and unknowingly we are swept from our guarded reserve and are carried off in the genial flow of kindred feelings. Then, too, despite the apparent unbelief of the wordly wise, the growing skepticism of the learned and the much vaunted irreligiousness of today, Christmas, taking root in the Christian feast of the Nativity, has never been completely divested of its religious significance.

The oft-told story has not loosened its hold on the mindes and hearts of all people. Over and over we hear with rapt wonder of that night long ages past, when to the shepherds of the Judean hills, the Angel of the Lord brought tidings of great joy, for the Christ Child was born. Far above the trees in the east, a livid spark flashing rays of crimson and saffron spiralled upwards and rounded itself into a lustrous star. Through the blue stillness of the long night, it led the Wise Men. And they came upon the young Virgin Mother and the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes in a manger. In the blinding radiance, they fell upon their knees and worshipped and offered their gifts of gold and frankincence and myrrh, for they had found the King. And so the story goes on from year to year. Neither has the passing of timereally changed man's attitude of awe and reverence. Whether we acknowledged it or not, we read and echo the thoughts:

 Faith or fancy-call it what you will-

The stars of Christmas guide me to HIM still. 


MARITESS


Thursday,Dec 6 2007, 04:47:45 AM (Last updated: Thursday,Jan 3 2008, 04:01:04 AM)

This concern matters which I would have opted to confide, but time constraints and some elements forbid me for doing so. You may be astonished that I should write a letter such as this. But I have a great desire to make communications with you. And to tell you, ma’am, this is a very difficult letter for me to write, as you will understand.

There are so many things that we do not understand… we do not know… things we cannot comprehend… much as we try. Sometimes there are even things we do not like to do, circumstances we hate to face but we do have to consider in itself… to try to discern its real meaning is like driving through a fog… it’s like trying to reach that which is the impossibility. Yet, we strive to at least capture even a ray of sunshine. Some tried and failed, others gave up w/out even trying. I won’t and I hope that you wouldn’t even try to think of giving up. “Let’s fight to survive” as everybody used to say.

You were in love… very much in love and nobody can blame you for being so. You see, being much in love isn’t bad as long as we maintain the position of our head, that is, “high above our heart”. It is being able to face realities and not only live in our own world of dreams. It is never letting our emotions defeat us. When we’re dealing with emotions, it’s like trying to drive through a thick fog. Everything is amorphous and changing. Nothing is clearly defined. Even when we know where we’re going, we can’t be sure of getting there. And if we do get there, we don’t always know it.

Letting our emotions overcome us is foolishness, downright foolishness, which may make us the most miserable person on earth. I was in love… blindly in love. But, love does not have to be blind to be good. Well, it does help sometimes if it’s a little myopic but it does not have to be stone blind. Even if we are enveloped in love, we must remain apart and we must stand a little to one side to really see what is going on. And this is where many lovers fail.

I love her and swears she loves me, too. I’ve never felt so wonderful before. Love to me has been a fortress… it has protected me from outside hurt and it helped me believe all things were possible. I thought love is everything. She is everything. And so, in my fear of losing her, I did everything possible to keep her. I did and made the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life!

And now I cried, but tears couldn’t ease the pain. I shut myself in my fortress but I was wounded still. And it doesn’t seem to protect me at all. Putting an end to my life wasn’t the answer. It may have hurt me far beyond I thought I was able to bear but you see, it’s all a part of love to be cemented with small patches of pain and disappointments. It can’t be avoided and I mustn’t, because the hurt also has its role. It pushes us along.

Yet love, if it has any significance at all, must arise spontaneously and be felt truly. If she really loves me, she will come back and help me rebuild my shattered dreams.. make up for everything she has deprived me of. If she choses to remain apart from my life, I let her. I have loved and lost… isn’t it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

I may have lost her love, but love, true love… can never be lost forever. The truth is: SOMEBODY loves me now more than I’ll ever know. HE loves me inspite of the things that had transpired in my life. We don’t need to prove ourselves worthy of HIS love. HE loves us no matter what. And yes, HE loves… and HE understands. We need not do anything. We just need to accept the loves that HE is offering.

GOD loves us… And to tell you, I was in love. And yes, in love with somebody who’s… it feels so disappointing, but I opened up to HIM. And now I can tell that… in the end there are three things that remain… faith, hope and love, but the greatest of this is LOVE…


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