Journals
Thursday,Nov 19 2009, 10:00:13 AMLetter to a bank manager by a 86 yearold lady
86-year old lady's letter to bank
Shown below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
i am writing to 'thank you for bouncing my check wi!th which i endeavoured to
pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations; three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. i refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only elght years. You are to be commended for seizlng that briefe window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty fort the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personlliy answer your telephone calls and letters, when ! try to contact you I am confronted by the impersonai, overcharging, prerecorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will herefore and hereafter no longer be automatic. but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is ani offence under the Posta! Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to comp!ete, i am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Pubiic, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabiiities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course) at my convenience; i will issue your employee
with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. ! regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again. I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form or flattery.
Let nle level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as folliows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLINIG, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR
ENGliSH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the cali to my living room-in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet In case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if i am not at home
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8 To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7
#9 To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10 This is a second reminder to press * for English. Whilst this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettabiy, but again foliowing your example, i must also levy an establishment fee to cover the cost of setting up of this new arrangement.Mlay I you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client - :-
(Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman) !
You have . JUST GOTTA..LOVE US SENIORS' !!!!!
And remember: Don't make old ladies mad. They don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to set them off.
Tuesday,Nov 17 2009, 03:41:20 PMToday is my first ever Internet Friend's birthda..
It was in 2000 we first Met in a cat club in Yahoo Groups!
Today is a special day for the first Internet Friend I really talked to and got to know a bit.
She is Jess.... from Phoenix, Arizona. Today is her birthday, and I have made her a special stamp issue, as I do for all my friends.
I first started talking to Jess, when she was 18, from knowing her in a Yahoo group for cat lovers, she called... herself Pluto. I remember that it was this name that started the ball rolling. I thought PLUTO, and I knew it was her cat's name, is a funny name for a cat... Pluto is a "DOG"... then i thought OH! no it isn't it is the outermost planet in our solar system. Any it was confirm that the cat was a planet and not a dog! She loved cats, weather and astronomy, and that is what started us talking, because I was also interested in them! We became good friends, and after about 6 months she kind of suddenly said "I want you to come to my wedding!" When were talking on t Yahoo Messenger She then added, " I know I have not got a b/f at present, but when I do and get married, I want you to be there!"
Then said that when you come we shall show you around Arizona for a week.............
GOSH what a friendship. And it was not too long afterwards she met a man Shaun, and married him, and I was invited to their Wedding blessing, and having over £200 in Thomas Cook vouchers I found I could afford it. so I went and paid my first trip to USA and met my first internet friend. (They had married a few months earlier!) and I stayed 10 days with them, went to the wedding blessing, and was taken to the Meteor crater, Grand Canyon, Sedona Hills, and a hotel in Southern Arizona who's roof slid off at night and we could using telescopes view the night sky. What a wonderful experience.
After that we stayed friends, though sadly her marriage broke up, and we kept in touch via MySpace and now Facebook. She is a member of Zorpia but never posts here sadly.
By the time I went on my round the world trip I arranged to meet her again, this time she was in a friendship with her friend Carmen, and they came to meet me at Tombstone for a couple of days (FULL STORY will be in my BOOK!)
We had a picture taken in 1883 in Tombstone, Arizona, when Wyatt Earp had his famous Gun battle there in the streets............. Actually it was Nov 9th 2006, but in Tombstone after we had watched the open air theatre of that drama! We were dressed in clothes of the time and had our photos taken!
I am so glad to still able keep up with her now in facebook
Wednesday,Nov 4 2009, 05:20:03 AMNonsense
My friend Miriam Phillips, (BUT no relation!) said she wanted a world of nonsense So I quickly wrote this little verse for her NONSENSE In your world of nonsense, That which is now light Would become more dense. With the sun shining at night. Jokes would be serious; Works of classy art, Clearly mysterious, Now become too smart. Nothing is no more sane Past and future is now; And flowing in the Seine, A dry dog says meow! © Chris Phillips 2 Nov 2009 ! Slightly rewritten from original!