20^th June 2004 – 4.24 am –

I was in a deep man hole, I hid myself there, kneeling and weeping… Letting all the deepest sorrows in me out all at once... Turning all undesired thoughts to treasured memories... It's alright to hide sometimes, but only for a day or two... That is how the hole of peace should serve its purpose, only for a day or two... and no longer... As soon as I realized that, I jump to my feet and climbed out the man hole, stood at the edge... Being able to feel free from the terrifying enclosure of the deep dark hole, never want to look back and down... Knowing that I am blessed with angels who may worry about me, when these angels wished so much for me to be fine, well and most importantly, happy... Bearing in mind that these angels are always there for me, no matter what happens, even when the world has turned its back on me... Or even when I’m left in a pitch black vision... But these angels are willing to do anything for me... they would go to heaven and hell to bring me the gift, the light and the heart... the gift of faith... the light of hope.. and the heart of love... As soon as I started taking my first step to leave the horrifying man hole, never to return again, an evil and devilish shadow came in the way... I felt a forceful thud on my back, still being rather weak, I lost my balance, and I felt myself falling back into the cursed hole... However, this time I couldn't lift myself up again... All that I’ve left behind in the devilish darkness before I took the courage to leave was now all repossessing in me once again... I’m held back, I could hardly breathe... Everything seemed to be in over my head... My mind felt heavy, my vision blurring... I tried so hard, with all my might, to fight back... I struggled to keep myself from falling into unconsciousness... Rather afraid, afraid of being trapped... Afraid of losing the inner strength, the hope, the courage, the independency and most of all, the unfailing FAITH... I felt my back landing in the hole again, with a loud thump... It hurt... a lot... Everything was dark, black... I lay there, my eyes gazing at the sky... There was nothing, it was totally dark... The moon was no where in sight, I asked myself, who have the heart which could have painted the moon black? There wasn't anything in the sky... Suddenly, I spotted something small but shiny, only tiny spark of a star... So tiny that I could barely see with my squinted eyes... I recognized that star; it looked so awfully familiar... I lifted my hand, reached for it, but it seemed so far away... It felt worse, it seemed like it was moving away from me... further and further... The shine of the star was fainting; it faded as it retreated from the horizon... I was weakening as the shine of the star faded... I could not move, my muscles were locked... Just then, my eye lids fell just before the last drip of tear trickled from the edge of my eyes, damping my cheek...