FINALLY, after umpteen nos of tries, i got into my blog... been 2 days since i last posted my blog... sorrie ivan, made u wait for 2 days!

i thought i had a lot to say, but now with my hands on the keyboard, i duno how to type. i read alana's blog at one shot. after 1 whole mths of entries. i didnt know she had so many worries. i felt more fortunate. i didnt know she has a bf. or did she have one? thats her worry not mine i guess. would lend her a listening ear if i could.

we all have our own worries. the field is always greener on the other side i guess. we always see others' gd points and strengths and neglect their  bad points and weakness. this is the way we , the neVer satisfied humans are created. we're neVer contended. think of it this way. thats why we strive to be better, or be the best. but can we ever get to the top.. or is there a top in the first place?

my tudi and i talked about the word 'forever'. i cant say i know her very well, but at least she trusts me. and i trust her too. we believed that this word is too strong a word and nothing will be forever in this world. perhaps, the onli thing that will be forever will be nothing.

seems like most of my friends are in some kinda problems of their own. one asked me why do i always look so worry free. i told her, this is the hardest part, not to make my friends worry. but there are times when i break down. when my mental strength can support me no more, i turned to my friends. we're all born for a reason. may be gd, may be bad. but there's always a reason.

its 3am now and my eyes are still wide open. i wished for a better day 2mororw. not that i dun have my worries but i choose not to think abt it. think too much also no use. cant solve them, thinking will be pointless. contridicts wat i had said in my previosu blog tt thinking can be a preventive measure. but humans r contridicting creatures, arent we?

helping other people solve their problems, allows me to forget mine. not that i am an expert, but thats wat friends do, dun they? i wished we do not have problems. the older we're, the more the problems we have. they r neveer ending, juz like ants on the earth.  when we thought we have solved a problem, a new one comes out. perhaps, thats a way god wans us to be stronger. we gotta be strong, and stronger. we try very hard to hide our worries. we try to be happy, but deep inside we arent. i wished i was young again. where i dun even know how to spell the  word worry. the truth hurts. we cant. i guess when i work, start a family, get into a relationship, retire, i have my own problems, new ones too. so, i shld feel fortunate now for i dun have to face them now. worrying too much wun solve anything.

end it here then. eyes r still wide open. shld try to sleep. close eyes. i love the beach. as wat ivan said, it has dual effects. depends on how u look at it.

* to god, make her genuinely happy, not juz on the surface. i wished time can pass by faster. maybe our pain will go off sooner. *