Journals
Monday,Apr 5 2004, 05:24:01 AMsuck suck suck!! sick today got a bloody mc...
suck suck suck!! sick today got a bloody mc to cover my work today. look like a bloody sicko!! -sob sob- gonna be another boring day for me suck at home no strength to step out of the hse. damn it. watch passion of christ the dayy before ytd. wat the hell man!! so damn cruel. first time in my life watch a movie until cried. then after movie when we head towards the bus stop, saw lingy. after the movie went OCH with three other ppl. nth much happen any way, dun feel much thingy either. in the end two of them didnt want to go in anymore so they left first and left me and my friend. wanted to go in but in the end got caught by a god damn police. got warning only but the next time they caught us, we will be caught trespassing which i dun give a damn. in the end let us go then went to for the other two person at the coffee shop then went to birdie hse to ton. watch vcd thru out the night, all the horror movie. then fall asleep also in the end. then next day one of my frend left then left only the three of us and i was simply like a light bulb over there but end up got "rape" by someone. haha!! but was a enjoyable time this weekend. having fun with ppl i have not been hanging out with so long. guess today gonna rot like shit at home again. geezz. that's all for today..................
Thursday,Mar 18 2004, 09:24:00 PM"When would you reach the point where enough...
"When would you reach the point where enough is enough?"
Above is one of the lines which i remember from seeing the Mexican, the movie which stars Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts,wonder how many of u have seen it.
But anyway, i remember this phrase very clearly, dun ask me why but i just rem this and the rest of the movie is quite blur..haha.But i rem that Julia Roberts ask Brad Pitt this qn" When would you reach the point where enough is enough ? And you will not loving /caring for this person?"
Well, this qn or this line meant something to me, especially recently..I care alot for a person , well i dunno even i can refer to this person as my fren but she was or use to be my mentor.But i do care alot for her,i will do things to make her happy or often buy things which i know she like to eat or drink..
But anyway she starts to reject all the things i do/buy for her....stating reasin like " dun waste money or i can do it myself..." .Franlky speaking i dun know wat happened, wat did i do wrongly...Everything i do out of kindness and in the hope to make her happy, seems like becoming more like a disturbances and i feel like a pest instead..
I frequently sent sms to her , be it greeting sms or sms caring for her not to wk too late or cheer her up when i see that she have been stressed..but anyhow my sms like drop into the BIG BLUE SEA..cos its so deep that not even a reply..
Sometimes i ask myself when would i reach a point where enough is enough, and i shld stop caring for her and dun care abt her anymore...yesterday i told myself...after one incident, thats enough is enough...why shld i still be so thick skin to be gd or to care so much and do so much for someone who treats me like transparent and dun care the heck of me and especially when she downright reject your favours right in your face .Trust me , at that pt of time when she did that, i was like....so paiseh and downright disppointed and sad and best of all its heard by other colleagues.Oh man...u can imagine how i feel then..sigh...
Then, i told myself ...ok, i have tried my best already to care for someone who has long time ignore me..and thats is it..i wont do that anymore.Anyway, i think that i dun mean anything to her anymore..to her ,. i am just a temp and someone who keeps perstering her..
By the way, for those pple who din see the movie, when Julia Roberts ask Brad Pitt this qn.His reply is " Never".
Sunday,Mar 14 2004, 03:28:00 PMBeing Enlightened. Last saturday, i went to...
Being Enlightened.
Last saturday, i went to Queenstown library to borrow some books.I browse through the shelves and one book caught my eye and i borrow it..The book's title is " Don't sweat the small stuff...and its all small stuff"
Haha..funny title ah...well now there are alot of books with funny title..Like who moved my cheese, who ate my cheese and who cut my cheese..haha
But anyway this book i borrowed is a really good,interesting and inspiriational book, it breaks down into 100 different topics and each topic covers a different insight into life.Its not boring like some self help books and each topic only covers one at most three small size pages.
I read only the first ten topics and theres one i will like to share with you all...The topic is : " Imagine that Everyone is Enlightened Except You"
Funny topic ah..let me briefly explain..This topic teach us to imagine that everyone you know and meet is perfectly enlightened all but except you. The pple who you meet are all here to teach you something.Perhaps the driver who cuts ur traffic is trying to teach you about patience.
Your job is to determine what the pple in your life is trying to teach you.Often once you discover what someone is tryin to teach you , its easy to let go of ur frustration.You may be surprised at how it turns out...All you're doing is to change your perception to " Why are they doing this ? " to "what are they tryin to teach me?"
Give it a try...
Wednesday,Feb 18 2004, 03:27:00 AMBlue Recently, things have not been working...
Blue
Recently, things have not been working right for me..Everytime i do anything,things would crop up and something will just go wrong.I face problems in almost everything-work,job seeking,friendship...
Have you ever experience that , when everything is just going wrong and you are wondering whats wrong with me? I just feel very down and frustrated.But the most of all, regretful.
One of my friend's grandma passed away and it just spark off my longing for my own grandma.Yesterday,i was crying and weeping quietly on my pillow,i just have this feeling that i really miss my grandma and god, i really regret not manage to see her for the last time.I think she must be very disappointed not to see her even at the last moment.I feel so unfilial and bad.I didnt spend time and effort to get to know her better, i didnt try to learn Cantonese to communicate with her.I am just a lousy granddaughter.
Thats is why i am so scared of losing any of my loved ones..i will fight with all my might to keep them by my side ...
Tuesday,Feb 17 2004, 07:13:00 PMTaken the test posted on ah moon's site You...
Taken the test posted on ah moon's site
You are a Baroness!
Spirited, Captivating, Stunning!
You are a woman of worldly wisdom and experience. You are sensitive, protective (maybe even motherly), you are highly respected and praised. Your gentility and grace always shine through. You have a very beautiful moral nature that defines who you are. You are a woman others seek to befriend and they would never want to cross you.
Yeh...haha...the answer seems to be quite funny.Well, i dun think i am stunning but i think the part about me being sensitive and protective is quite true.I am always sery sensitive about pple's feelings and sometime when my friend is upset or unhappy, i can sense it immediately.I am also very protective of my loved ones, i will try my best to protect my loved ones from harm and any unhappiness.I just want the ones i love to be happy.