Journals
Wednesday,Feb 18 2004, 03:27:00 AMBlue Recently, things have not been working...
Blue
Recently, things have not been working right for me..Everytime i do anything,things would crop up and something will just go wrong.I face problems in almost everything-work,job seeking,friendship...
Have you ever experience that , when everything is just going wrong and you are wondering whats wrong with me? I just feel very down and frustrated.But the most of all, regretful.
One of my friend's grandma passed away and it just spark off my longing for my own grandma.Yesterday,i was crying and weeping quietly on my pillow,i just have this feeling that i really miss my grandma and god, i really regret not manage to see her for the last time.I think she must be very disappointed not to see her even at the last moment.I feel so unfilial and bad.I didnt spend time and effort to get to know her better, i didnt try to learn Cantonese to communicate with her.I am just a lousy granddaughter.
Thats is why i am so scared of losing any of my loved ones..i will fight with all my might to keep them by my side ...
Tuesday,Feb 17 2004, 07:13:00 PMTaken the test posted on ah moon's site You...
Taken the test posted on ah moon's site
You are a Baroness!
Spirited, Captivating, Stunning!
You are a woman of worldly wisdom and experience. You are sensitive, protective (maybe even motherly), you are highly respected and praised. Your gentility and grace always shine through. You have a very beautiful moral nature that defines who you are. You are a woman others seek to befriend and they would never want to cross you.
Yeh...haha...the answer seems to be quite funny.Well, i dun think i am stunning but i think the part about me being sensitive and protective is quite true.I am always sery sensitive about pple's feelings and sometime when my friend is upset or unhappy, i can sense it immediately.I am also very protective of my loved ones, i will try my best to protect my loved ones from harm and any unhappiness.I just want the ones i love to be happy.
Tuesday,Feb 17 2004, 12:50:00 AMSo Sad.. I am someone who treasures all my...
So Sad..
I am someone who treasures all my relationships- friendship very seriously and keep them to heart ,especially those which means a great deal to me.Sometimes,i will even guard these relationships very closely,so scared that i will lose it..so scared that these relationships will turn sour or become more distant.
Have you ever experienced relationships which you try so hard to keep it going and alive but just that no matter how much you put in and how hard you put in, it just dun work and what you dread most will still happen, the friendship will still turn sour and become very distant.
I have a mentor whom i respect alot alot, i admire her for her capability and her devotion and love towards her family.I really miss the time i worked for her, she have treated me so well and care for me a great deal.Everytime, i am going for a interview, she will be very concern and ask me what company it is and what is the job and what time is the interview.She will give me advise if its gd or not.Everytime, she will never fail to sms me gd luck msg to wish me luck on the day of interview.n everytime her sms always give me great confidence.
I still rem there was a time when i was rushing for a assignment for her, i din go out to eat lunch and she was out for a meeting.I was in the midst of rushing the wk when she suddenly called me to ask me if i had eaten my lunch? i said no and she ask me to go to eat.But i said that i want to finish it before gng for lunch but she order me to go and eat or she will call other collegeue to shut off my comp not to let me wk.This really touched my heart and i tell myself, i will do my best for this mentor, i will def go all the way to help and work for her.And there are many little things that she do makes me feels so touched.
That is why when i have to make a choice to leave, i am so sad and in dilemma, i dun bear to leave and i know that i will miss my mentor.Actually, what actually makes me stay is my mentor..But still i chose to leave cos i know that i must face reality and chose something which is realistic.
I left, n believe me, the feeling is terrible.I miss my mentor alot. The new job is so stressful and tiring, i will complain to my mentor n my mentor will never fail to encourage me and help me.Thats why when i resigned, i am so ashamad to face her.
Now i am back to the same company, but no longer working for her.Everything change.Though i can see my mentor everyday,we dun talk anymore, at most is a nod or a simple hello and bye.Is not that i dun want to talk to her,but just that i am just speechless when i see her and couldnt think of anything to start of conversation.I tried to sms her but she is very cold towards me.
We dun sms each other anymore, no more emails exchange.We become like total strangers.Can you understand how i feel?Is like a friendship becoming so distant.I feel really upset and wonder why.why has things change? Have i make the wrong choice to leave intially?
I don't know.Maybe I just shouldn't choose to come back.But maybe things are just meant to be like this.But no matter how she treats me, to me, she is still someone i care alot for and will forever be my mentor.I just hope that everything will turn out well for her and she will be happy.Thats all.
Wednesday,Feb 4 2004, 07:23:00 PMI came across this one article and find it...
I came across this one article and find it very touching.Do spend some time to read this article...My teacher also ask me to do this also during my JC..
DONT--Be Too Busy for a Friend...
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.
It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.
The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."
After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.
"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."
All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."
Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."
"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."
That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.
So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.
And One Way To Accomplish This Is: Forward this message on. If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful.
If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.
If you're "too busy" to take those few minutes right now to forward this message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships?
The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at reaching out to those you care about.
Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own
Tuesday,Feb 3 2004, 06:56:00 PMArmadegeddon Hope i can get the word spelt...
Armadegeddon
Hope i can get the word spelt correctly...haha.guess i din,spelling has not always been my strengths..haha.Anyway, i watch the movie Armageddon this monday.This has been my 4th time watching this same movie and yet i can still cry at some parts of the movie.I remember crying everytime i see this movie, just the difference in volume..haha.But everytime when i cry cos i see a movie or a show, i will weep sliently and try to wipe away all the tears so as not to let other pple see me weeping.I just dun like to express and show my emotions to let other pple see.haha..
Anyway, for those who din see this movie before ( which i think its quite impossible,cos channel 5 dunno repeat this movie a million times liao), this show is about the end of the world and a group of oil riggers-astroanuts go all the way to space to save the world.Haha..just 2 lines can summarise the whole about 3 hrs movie..guess my summary skill has improve.hahah.
End of the world- this topic has been raised for so many times and one could really wonder when would it really be the end of the world.If u know that tmlo is going to be the end of the world, what would you do , given the last 24 hours to spend? Would you spend sleeping? Would you spend with your loved ones? This thinking brings me back to a short quote I read in the book- Chicken Soup for the Soul-If you can only make the last 3 phone calls in your life, who would you call and what would you say?
This sets me thinking...who I would call.I will call my def call the 3 important pples in the life-my family , to tell my mum and dad that i love them though i never say it cos i find it very funny to..n also to my younger brother whom i always sort of quarrel here and there...over stupid and small matters,but its all these stupid quarrels which makes our sibling relationship richer and less boring..haha.Though we always quarrel, but me n my bro are pple who forgets everything once its over..He is my one and only brother, bu teng ta,teng shui neng?
All along in my life, i wish that i can have a big sister to care and love me...someone who can be there for me when i need her and offer me advise when i am lost.Haha...Maybe cos i am a big sis myself, i wish to have someone to lean on and depend on when i need help.But many would be surprose, i should look for a bf mah..but guess bfs cum and go, usually are the true friends and family who will always be there for you when the going gets tough.
Of course , nobody wants the end of the world to ever cum but sometimes, its when you face this type of life and death situation that sets you thinking about life and what you really want and who do you really love and care about.