Ok. fellow Zorpians,

Its a beautiful Sunday. Put away your worries, and bring out your best laugh lines.

I'll start first with 2 rib crackers.

1.THE SPEECH IMPEDIMENT MIDGET

Bob calls his buddy Sam, the horse rancher, and says he was sending a friend over to look at a horse. Sam asks, "How will I recognize him?"
That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up at the ranch, and Sam asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth."
So he shows him a prized filly.
"Nith lookin horth, can I thee her eyeth?"
Sam picks up the midget, and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?"
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse'sears.
"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf?"
The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point,
but he wants to make the sale, so he picks him up again, and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nice mouf. Can I see her twat?"
Totally mad at this point, Sam grabs the midget under his arms, and rams the midget's head as far in as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out, and slams him on the ground!
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrazthe that... Can I thee her wun awound a widdle bit?"

2.THE BEAR AND RABBIT

One bright sunny day, a bear and rabbit were walking together in the woods talking about the usual happenings in the forest when the came upon a Magical Golden Frog perched on a rock
looking morose.

The rabbit looked at the Golden Frog and asked him what he was doing so far away from the local pond. The frog replied that he was new to the area and he really didn’t know where the local pond was. So they offered to help the Golden Frog to the local pond.
Upon getting to the pond, the Golden Frog revealed thathe had magical powers and that he would grant the rabbitand the bear three wishes each as a reward for their kindness;and that whatever they wished for could never be reversed.The bear and rabbit, both get excited, and start jumping with joy.


The bear goes for his first wish: I wish that all the other bears in the forest were females.
The frog blinks; and a huge flash enveloped the entire forest and his wish was granted.


The rabbit goes for his first wish:I would like a high speed, fancy motorbike please.The frog blinks, and a huge flash appears and voila a sparklingshiny new motorbike with the works, pneumatic suspensions,retractable sun visor bubble, turbo booster and all.


The bear goes for his second wish: I wish that all the female bears in the forest would go crazy and horny for me. The frog blinks; and a flash appears over the entire forest and all of a sudden they started hearing very loud bear mating calls.


The rabbit goes for his second wish: I wish to have a lovely full face helmet, the flashiest ever that anyone has seen. The frog blinks; and a flash appears and a beautiful helmet appears, with an AM/FM radio built in, with an air cleaner to filter out atmospheric dust to protect the wearer, and wipers on the visor


By now, the rabbit was thrilled and had worn his flashy new helmet, sat on his flashy new bike, and started up the engine and revving  up


The Golden Frog announced: now for your third and last wish each.


The bear made his third and last wish: I would like the most romantic, and hi-teck setting for
a bear’s honeymoon which would keep replenishing itself automatically when food stuffs and materials deplete.
The frog blinked and a huge flash zapped in front if them, a beautiful white satin tent appeared, with plush carpet flooring, a Jacuzzi in the corner, fancy quartz chandeliers, solar
energy panels, fruits, honey, and champagne in the fridge and the works. The bear, smiles and is already planning a wild orgy to last a life time.


The rabbit made his third and last wish. : I wish…. Mr. Bear
here should be GAY, and the rabbit sped off leaving the bear and the Golden Frog
behind. The bear could not stop the Golden Frog from blinking….
And there was a flash.