shivaninja's Homepage

im on vacation now, but ir's not gonna be any

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 18:30 EST

I suddenly realize that i havent been here for very very long till yesterday,i though i almost give up, as always im not a kind of person that have long perseverance, i know that but havent done anything to stop that. but now im coming again. to write, something happen on my mind, ,root in my soul, probably there is nothing pleasant to read but i will keep on. and i dont know how long....

i have to force myself to study, as everyone says, i'll have to, if i dont work hard,the result of my future will be so cruel that i can not take, though it hard now, i must go straight into it and devote there. it wonr last long, only a year ,maybe i will firsly get used to it and then begin to love it, who knows?

so you see, today is my first day of vacation, the very first day begining to study, do waste it! work harder, you will win!

Like what wrote on the blackboard in the behind, the one who do not dare hardship, taste bitter for a while, the one who're scared of hardship, suffer long all the life....

big day!

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 23:36 EST

today is a big day!! Guess what! my sister is getting married!!

Congratulations!

a wedding is a start of togetherness,responsibility and blessing. of walks in the rain, basking in the sunshine, shares meals, caring for one another and sensing the love that a marrige carries.Love is not only sweet talks and flowers but also forgiving and compromising.

we wish Zhao Na & Svante Jorgensen a wonderful marrige of celestial happiness, perfect harmony and eternal love forevermore!!

Bless you

your family in China

June 2008

Dear Zhao Na and Svante,

Congratulations to beautiful bride and glowing groom!

You will be surrounded by our love, smile and good wishes notwithstanding we would not be there to participate in your good fortune.

May you know nothing but happiness from this day forward.

Wish you auspicious wedding, sweet honeymoon and bright future on behalf of all our family members in China.

it has been long

Sat, 17 May 2008 21:31 EST

wow! it has been really long!i dont even know what to say! what did i said!! of course there's always something to say.Firstly as a Chinese, i'll do everything i can to help the people in the earthquake areas, but there's nothing more i can do except donate my pocket money ,which i have done ,and study harder, which im really tired of....oh my God! but i always believe that there's nothing that can beat a country, no matter what disaster, especially China.Blessed China, United countrymen! Secondly, as a family member of mine., i really want to cry aloud: STOP!! it is really a mess what we are doing! Stop ! please!!!

i have to take off now, i know nothing but .im tired.. BYE

ok.now. let's take off

Fri, 09 May 2008 20:01 EST

ok now i see it,and we do it ,for the last time.

he said that he didnt understand me till the end. of course he wont, im not a common people.

and this is the end, the very last end, we will go separately and have our own ways of lives.

and this is the end, the very last end,i'll keep holding on and fresh my self to be a brand new person.i'll be in the brilliant group which shows that im not gonna let anyone bring me down, or you'll have to go ahead and try to proof it~!

well, we connect again

Thu, 08 May 2008 11:49 EST

i feel jumbled now, for one thing, i answer his message ,and break my promise, and even obey him to see me for the last time (i dont really know if that maybe called "the last"). for the other thing is that i finally know the truth that he really loves me and my effort is not in vain. we will meet tomorrow, what will we do? i dont know, really dont. perhaps we’ll just talk and have a dinner, or maybe we will cant help doing it again, who knows? i dont really understand why im now feeling a little excited about it, maybe im itch and thirsty? i dont really think so, but..whatever.... anyway, i dont know if i can resist his love and insist myself to keep distance and ask him to leave me alone, he called this “closure” and what can I do?

what will he be like? Through this days, this long long days and nights, is he getting thiner or…?

mom left, we met, what a live I am having!!

ok we will see who wins at last..

well ..tired

Mon, 05 May 2008 10:04 EST

well, this is really a special day ,except tired i feel like fun and unbelievable!! guess what?! our pipe in the kitchen is "exploded" then i have a clear&clean house full of water, and the first one who found it is the guy that live downstairs, ooooops. it's like we use 10 tons of water to "wash"our floor . if wash that may be called. our board in the kitchen ruined. also, we have to pay for the downstairs for its decoration. well, what a brand new day this is !!

sooooooooooobusy

Fri, 02 May 2008 21:19 EST

sooooooobusy today, it seems i have no time to write things, now i have to go back to my desk and do my "fun" homework! this time i'll have to finish it, no matter how tired and unwanted i am. that the thing i have to do,and must finish, actually i think every one have to go through this period of time, do you?

anyway, i think ill just do it! just go for it and fight for it !!!

GOGO FIGHTING~!~

the longest distance in the world

Thu, 01 May 2008 10:56 EST

Everytime when mom asks me what do i think when i first come to you, i say nothing, actually, i think something but i really dont know how to express my feeling ,probably that's why i dont like talking with her.really, i mean it, i think a lot. now it's time to bring it on the table.

i dont love you,and i never shall. i dont know whether you know it.but you surely will in time.what a pity, now im thinking do you ever love me? i cant trust you, because i cant trust anyone. i dont love, that does not mean im casual, on the contary, it perfectly show that im mature.i always think that youre the same as me, not 100%, but likely, we need each other,so we be with each other.mom wont understand, neither will any others .

but i really appraciate the time that we are together, im not alone, everyday when i wake up, i can remind myself that im not a girl anymore, although not yet a woman, but still, not a girl. it's you who give me the chance to think about, it's you who let me experience the warm palm that i have never felt. you give me so many things. and i return you things of the same value, if not, higher.but this will end, sooner or later. i always know.

so when it comes. i do not shocked at all, i leave, without any pain or unwilling,that's me.are you? i wont answer your phonecall. instead,i delete it. i wont ask for more,instead, i give you my dear.i cut off all the connection between us, for my mom, for my family, for everone who care about me.

just....

i wish youre good as i am now.

i will forget you totally, i can make it, you know.

just...

after this, we cant be friends, for we have hurt each other.

neither can we be foes,for we have been with each other.

I LOVE AVRIL!

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 23:26 EST

nobody's fool

Fall back, take a look at me
and you'll see
I'm for real
I feel what only I can feel
and if that don't appeal to you
let me know
and I'll go
cuz I flow
better when my colors show
and that's the way it has to be
honestly
cuz creativity
could never bloom
in my room
I'd throw it all away before I lie
so don't call me with a compromise
hang up the phone I've got a backbone stronger than yours

Don't know
you think you know me like yourself
but I fear
that you're only telling me what I wanna hear
but do you give a damn?
understand
that I can't
not be what I am
I'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon
it's not that simple here we go not so soon
I might have fallen for that when I was fourteen
in a little morph green
but it's amazing what a couple of years can mean

If you're tryin' to turn me into someone else
it's easy to see I'm not down with that
No nobody's fool
If you're tryin' to turn me into something else
I've seen it enough and I'm over that
No nobody's fool
If you wanna bring me down
go ahead and try
go ahead and try

life ..you know

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 04:38 EST

life, you know is not always the good winds when youre about to sail,i dont know much about it probably, maybe when i want to say something and have diffirent views to share ,most of the people around me will think:who are u? how many things have u been through, are you mature enough to say that? to tell the truth, even though they dont , i will. but that does not mean that im not confident. now all the things i can do is to hear, to think, in my own mind,and to gather their information and make them into my own. Being old is not easy, what about being young?

everytime when i have enough motive to do something, when i finally successfully encourage myself to face it. it seems that the rainy season is on its way and just around the corner. i hate to talk with my mother. i have to think everything again and again sp that i could find a best way to tell her how im feeling right now. but it has to come, over and over. i m now going to face another storm.

i dont really know how to answer when you ask"how are you doing ?" so i just ask them back "how are you doing?". maybe it's impolite,but what the hell`!

if i cant stand up after falling down, then laying on the floor in the resrt of my life would be more comfortable. but...is there a but?

with so many things screw my mind, i just decide to simply make the dicision-take a shower and go to bed. relax is the best way to find and be yourself.

and always remember who you want to be
what you have to do!!

Goodbye and Good luck!

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 09:07 EST

April.29

Today is the day that my dearist sister leave me and go to Denmark, she is going to find her home there and fight for her future. I didnt realize how's life until her picks up her bags and goes into the entrance of "check in", where the families are forbidden to enter. I cannnot see her face in real, but only a back left.I didnt cry,and i know there's no need to do so.we can still talk online, and see each other frequently, right? But i cant feel the warmth temperature of her hug, i cant feel the shaking after she crying out, i cant have someone pat me on me shoulder slightly that makes me realize the responsibilities i have.i have a sister,and i have all. she's not like mom,and diffirent from dad.the best part of being with her is that she look me in a way that i can feel she understand me, totally. i cant say enough her nice, and i just wish she a good luck in Denmark, and ....

wish everyone who read this would have a united and happy family.

good night