JOKE!!!

1. Confusent say : No man is more ill than the man who is sick on his day off.

2. Confusent say : Do not despise your neighbourhood coffeeshop, think of it as the poor man's cuntry club.

3. Confusent say : One of the best ways to make your old car run better is to learn the price of the latest model.

4. Confusent say : One quick way for a man to pick up do-it-yourself domestic skills is to criticise his wife's housekeeping. 

5. An employer tell an employee : John, I don't know how we are going
to get along without you, but starting this Monday we're going to try...

6. The watch shop owner was teaching his son the tricks of the trade. " See these imitation Swiss watches? I buy them for $12.25 and i seel them for $12.50. 
"But dad, that's hardly any profit. How do you survive? " asked the young apprentice.
"By providing the repair service, " Said the wise, old man.

7. In the old days, the Americans were the pioneers in technology, but they were plagued by the tactics of their two competitors, the Russians and the Japanese. Everytime the Americans invented anything new, before they could declare to the world, "We have invented THIS!" the Russians would have stolen their secrets and announced, " We invented this FIRST!" and the very next day, the Japanese would leap in to say, " We've IMPROVED it!"

8. The truth is that the law of gravity was discovered first not by Newton in Europe, but by a Malaysian in Segamat. Only problem was that he didn't live to tell the tale because instead of an apple falling on his head, it was a durian.......

9. "Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"
    "The free-style, i think."

10. Mr. Noris asked his new girlfriend, "Do you drink?"

"No, " she replied

"Do you smoke? "

"No. "

"Gamble? "

"No. "

"Sleep around? "

"No, definitely not! "

"Isn't there anything naughty you do? "

"Oh, I lie a lot. "

11. Little Johnny walked into the kitchen and told his mother, "The neighbours must be really poor, mom."
his mum was surprised, not the least because they were all living in Bayshore Park condos. "Why do you said so? "
"Well, they're making such a big fuss because their son swallowed a five-cent coin."

12. The husband came home in sweat, but grinning from ear to ear. he said, "Wife, i just saved 15 cents by running home behind the feeder bus."
"Idiot, " Scolded theunappreciative wife, "Why didn't you run behind a cab and save $2? "

13. Muthu approached his uncle for a loan. " Look, try and understand, " said the uncle, " I have a family in India, and they have land for which they have to pay monthly instalments. I have and aged father there too who counts on me. And I have several brothers and sisters who have several children of marriageable age and could do the same financial assistance. Now, I don't give any of them a single cent, so what makes ou think i would give any money to you?"

14. Mr Collin was tired of James always borrowing his things so he decided that the next time he would come up with an excuse. Later that evening, James turned up at the door, 'Hey, Collin, I was wondering whether you would be using your video recorder this evening?"
"As a matter of fact, I am," Said Mr. Collin firmly.
"Good, then you won't be using your mini-combo. I came over to borrow it."

15. Another day John ran into Tim on Jill Street. "Hey Tim, why so glum? " asked his old friend. "You look like you've lost everything you owned in this world..
"I've got a big problems with my wife," explained Tim
"What's the problem? " aske John compassionately
"My wife has sworn that she won't speak to me for three months. "
"Oh, I see. That is serious, " commiserated his friend.
"No you don't, " said Tim, "You see, today is the last day of those three months."

16.Mrs Noris resented the reporter's insinuation that she was a gold-digger. She said, "Did you know that it was I who made my husband a millionaire?"
"Oh, what was he before he met you?" asked the reporter
"A multi-millionaire."

17.An American and a Russian were arguing about which country had more freedom.
"Perestroika, hah! What bull! In my country," said the American, "you can go right up to the White House and shout 'I don't like the President!' And nothing will happen to you."
"You can do that in my country too," boasted the Russian.
"Oh yeah?" sneered the American.
"Yes, I too can go up to the Kremlin and shout, 'i don't like the American President!" Nothing will happen to me."

18.The American and the Russian were arguing about who had the superior space programme.
"We're going to the Mars!" Said the Russian.
"We're going to the sun!" said the American.
"What? That's stupid. It's too hot for anyone to go to the sun!"
"You're the one stupid," retorted the American, "we're going there at night!"

19."Why can't you answer any of the question?" the exasperated teacher asked little Steve.
Steve replied, " If I could answer all your question, what would be the point of coming to school, Miss Joan?"

20."Sir, would you scold me for something I didn't do?" asked Paul
"No, of course not, Paul," assured the teacher
"Good, because I didn't do my homework."

21.The teacher had a last question for the class, "Can you tell me the correct word for someone who keeps talking when no one is interested?"
"A politician, " replied Jim
"An Insane, " answered Eugene
The whole class fell into silence, followed by wave of clap sound when Ray shouted " TEACHER!!!!"

22.Q: What is the five metres long, red, lives several metres underground and eats rocks?
     W: A five-metre-long, red, underground rock-eater.
     Q: What is the five metres long, red, lives several metres underground and eats sands?
     W: A five-metre-long,red, underground rock-eater on a diet.
     Q: If there were a hole that went right through the centre of the world and you droped a boulder through it, how far would it drop?
     W: Just a few metres. Then the five-metre-long, red, rock-eater eats it..

SCOLD...

"Scold is a sign of hate, a sign of evil, a sign of anything bad..."

That is what everyone think...

But if we look from the brighter side...

Will a stranger scold you ? even if he or she saw you did something that terrible...

No, they will not scold you, cause they dont know you, they dont care who the hell you are and what the hell you're doing... It's not their business.. It's not their things..

But think from the other side, who is the one that often scold you?

.........................................

They are the people that care for you... they do it to save you... they scold you for your own benefit, even if they know that the consequences of it is that they will be hate, will be curse by you.. but they still do it..why?

But, some people scold other because of their own good.. like an employer scold an employee, they scold you for themself.....

SCOLD come in two side : DARK AND BRIGHT...

First word      = Save

Second word = Care

Third word     = Own benefit

Fourth word   = Love

Fifth word      = Dark

LOOK FROM THE BRIGHT SIDE AND YOU WILL NOT FEEL THE NEGATIVE OF SCOLD...