today's friday. right now it's about 6 p.m. in kuala lumpur, malaysia. it's raining outside, so i'm trapped here in the office, with a gazillion other people not looking out the window to see if it's raining. i'm the only one doing that, longing to go home. if only i had a steaming mug of black coffee in my hand, looking out the window while it rained outside..

there was a christmas party in the office a couple of hours earlier. lots of food which i couldn't eat because i had a rather heavy lunch. nasi briyani (google it up) with beef and lots of veges. not that i didn't know there was going to be a party, i just didn't expect the quantity they were serving was that generous! in the end i nibbled a couple of carrots and celery sticks.

there was a present-giving event, hosted by an expat staff clad like a santa! that was exciting, and really fun too coz i've not known any santa personally before. last night i went to jusco to find a present for somebody whose name i picked out from a basket. a sweet young chinese girl, a geologist, i presume still single. the hardest part was to find something that was worth about 20 bucks.in my anxiety i went to the toy department of jusco and bought her a cute toy-pet. or is it pet-toy? whichever. from afar i saw her tear the wrappings and her eyes lit up and with her palm covering her lips coz she was giggling too hard she showed around what she found. well, i hope she liked it.

as for myself, i opened my package to find a picture frame, made of glass i think. it's still sitting in front of me, i'm just too lazy to lift my hands to check. so uninspiring! it's not bad at all, i'm not complaining. in fact it's rather nice. but it's just a picture frame...

and today too, i've received my first salary! a little short from the numbers i saw on my job offer letter, coz i only joined the company on the 3rd of december. but still the digits were a lot more than i learned in school! ha ha

looks like the rain has stopped. gotta go see my banker now and finalize the takeover of zorpia.

chow!

it feels awkward trying to write something. i've not done this for a few months, if that's not understating it.

i've started working at a new place. it's a lateral movement, same position, a lot more money. in fact i think i'll start thinking of buying over zorpia next month. ha ha who am i kidding other than myself?

well if any of you is wondering.. this place isn't bad. just needed some getting used to. the people are alright. the cubicles are smaller than where i was. about half the size. lunch places fewer and far between. which means i would save money on lunch and makes me even richer. ha ha

the people here, they work late. 8 pm is like the middle of the day: full of people. am i the only human here?

well i don't know what else to say. going home now. continue where i left off in the lord of the rings. the book, not the movie. fascinating.

of the 3 or so hours after friday prayers today, i spent roughly 13 seconds working. that was to answer an email from a boss wondering if i've completed a job. i replied with a 4-letter word. 'yess'. that was a typo, but he got the message. the rest was spent browsing page after web page looking for nothing. just surfing. half the time in zorpia. catching up with some old friends. making a couple more enemies. reading up the 15,000 or so journals that i've missed over the last month.

the journals huh. tragedies all over the place. most of them are not really, if you ask me. more of a heartbreak kinda seriousness. but the descriptions and the whining and whingeing give the impression that there has been a catastrophe, all is lost, the world's over for me (i'm 16 by the way).  that has been the general feeling in zorpia lately. almost all would involve love or some degree or variation of that. a boyfriend left. a girlfriend left. a cat lost. a wife found. a wife found out. not feeling loved. not feeling loved enough. too much love. people not loving back. a marriage proposal in comment box. a sex proposal in comment box. people not accepting marriage/sex proposal in comment box and hurl abuse instead. wanting to leave zorpia because of this. wanting to commit suicide because of this.

i advised some. left alone some. if you left half your boobs out hanging in your profile photo and expect people to not start proposing something, i can't help you. if you left half your boobs out hanging in your profile photo and still nobody loved you, then maybe you should just go jump. just kidding 'k.

back to my life now. good news is i'm over the hectic period i complained about. officially this afternoon. still intact. breathing. alive. maybe not kicking too hard. barely made it, but made it all the same. that was a journey to hell and back. canoeing up shit creek without a paddle. the odds were stacked against me. but i've beaten it again. thank God. if i could go through that, i could go through anything.

i smile looking back at it. a smile just thinking how i thought it was going to be impossible. like somebody once said, impossible is nothing. well, for me impossible is something. it's when you're over it that you start to brag a bit and say it's nothing. but it's something. really something. the harder it is the better person you're going to emerge in the end.

but then again, maybe whatever it was that i went through for the past month, maybe it was really nothing if you put it into context. against the catastrophes and tragedies all over the world. real ones. 9/11 victims in the us. tsunami victims in indonesia. war in iraq. shootings. suicide-bombing. iraqis died. marines died. wife lost a husband. family lost a father. parents lost a son. there are people who die of hunger. starvation. famine. people who had to scavenge for food. for himself and his family. homeless people dying outside in the freezing cold. people who had lost a loved one. people whose loved one was killed. was kidnapped and raped. and she was just a child! people whose homes were lost in a fire. along with the family.

i don't compare. how many of them would have snapped may palm off if i offered to exchange positions with them? how many would have killed to be where i am, do what i do and earn what i earn, live my comfy life with my happy family, eating at least 3 proper meals a day and watch movies whenever i fancy and play sweet child o' mine on video before i go off for the day in my queen-sized bed in my air-conditioned bedroom, while on the way i look in my daughters' bedroom and see that the beds aren't empty, that they are still there and i could go and kiss their foreheads goodnight, and tell them i loved them so much? makes me feel embarrassed that i complained and whined like a hog. pitted against them, mine was like a drop of rain in a flood. Noah's time. am i not thankful for who i am, for what i have?

pardon me God.