5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE 

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for advancement will pass right by you.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and shit on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story :
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THIS CONCLUDES THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE 

One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightgown, "Tie me up" she purred. "and you can do anything you want"  So he tied her up and went golfing

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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into thehouse. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags, I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should i pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a Husband.

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license, First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test, the optician show him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z'  "Can you read this?" the optician asked "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something, we have a Case of Gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back, "I am so tired of Chardonnay.

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband, suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,  "CAREFUL! put in some more butter! oh my God! you are cooking too many at once, TOO MANY! turn them! TURN THEM NOW, we need more butter, oh my God! where are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going to STICK ,

CAREFUL,CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! you never listen to me when you're cooking! 

 Turn them!  hurry up! Are you CRAZY? have you Lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them, you know you always forget to salt them, use the salt, USE THE SALT! The salt! 

The wife stared at him, "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I 'm driving.                                                                                

He is our Maker, Redeemer, Protector

Keep sound wisdom and discretion

So they will be life to your soul

And adorment to your neck

Then you will walk in your way securely

And your foot will not stumble

When you lie down, you will not be afraid

When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet

Do not be afraid of sudden fear

Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes

For the LORD will be your confidence

And will keep your foot from being caught

Proverbs 3:21-26

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone

O LORD, make me dwell in safety

Psalm 4:6-8

Thanks be unto God for his wonderful gifts

Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God

Is the object of our faith; the only faith

That saves is faith in him