Journals
Monday,Dec 26 2005, 08:13:08 AMNo longer blog here
I used to swing by zorpia all the time, but now, I guess people change.
I've got a new blog address!
http://kokoronomai.blogspot.com
I love the new layout! Come visit me!
Love
titun
Saturday,Apr 30 2005, 03:06:44 PM=a week of activity and inactivation=
guess i still wasn't prepared to face the truth and tell everyone wat exactly went on in the week of my absence...
failure is bittersweet. it brought to light the many dependable, trustable, lovable friends i have, but zeroed in on my inability to achieve...
u might have guessed it, or you already know.. i didn't get into students' council. the ever-so-prestigious main student body representation that symbolises power, status and popularity. that's right, the start of the campaign already required the pulling of strings, making use of popularity as a tool.. or even a weapon... but i had neither the popularity nor luck!
but at least it's over.. the whole week of preparation, late nights and lethargic days... haha, i can't believe i did ok for my bio lecture test despite not studying for it during that fateful period! haha, in fact, the highest in class! mmm, somehow i'm getting by now, taking my mind of council by not looking at those elected, or daydreaming about being one.. haha, it's over. all over! i'm inactivated in some ways, prevented from serving the school through this avenue...
quite depressing, but life is full of its ups and downs. i should have known when i got through the interviews... it never is so easy!
e week following the big disappointment, there were exco interviews, elections etc for various ccas--- entre, library, had a gr8 time doing speech for library. though looking at -some tchr's- face, wasn't quite distasteful. she had this smirk on her face, like she was belittling me of sorts.. and did i mention, she did belittle me in her lil pep talk with me abt my attitude. boy, i was intimidated then, but i realise i'm not that unreedamable! i have my good pts too, she shldn't just put everyone down lidat.. no wonder gav has some feedback abt her too; see, i'm not biased!
mm, got into jap club exco.. is a publicity officer now.. not sure wad the job entails.. publicising activities? coming up with new ones?! mmm... feel really sorry for gwenlyn.. cos i really really reaaaaalllly think she's a brilliant gem, and possesses the indomitable spirit characteristic of a true leader. my dear ger, rmb, u're the best ok! i love you alot alot alot if you're reading this. all the time we feel down we shall go j8 basement to makan and make out... with food! hahaha, hope that will relieve some emotional stress...
i realise i've very very very crappy jap seniors. haha, that means you, dennis, if you're reading this. cos you're damn farnie la.. haha, with your fuzzy mayu (eyebrows)...
oh oh oh, i do hope everyone gets into jap speech... buji ni! =)
cheerios everyone
-pick yourself up when you fall-
Monday,Apr 18 2005, 02:47:04 PMI used to keep chicks for pets. don't ask me...
I used to keep chicks for pets. don't ask me why, but i think i was around 7 or 8 yrs of age... and obviously still a chicken-hearted gurl then, the irony! haha... anyhows, some way or another, we got hold of the fledgling chicks, all cuddly, chirping and tender... not spring chicken tender of course, don't think carnivorous. they were sooo cute, tho the memory became fuzzy, and worse, i never dared enter the kitchen where they were free to roam when they grew slightly bigger. From my memory -which is hardly trustable- it only took them a few mths to grow to THAT colossal size. As if they were on steroids. Wonder wad mama fed them haha, and that was my first encounter with kiping pets.
sporadically we wud breed colourful fishes. but can say i developed phobia for them cos one fish (lanky, looked lk one of the extras on the set of spongebob squarepants the movie haha) JUMPED rite outta the tank!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, and willing itself not to die, sprang up and down, glided left and right... terrible! i was soooooo horrified!!!!!!!!!!! WHICH FISH WANTS TO LEAVE THE OXYGEN-RICH WATER IN THE FISH BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAD MAD MAD MAD fish. and so you might have guessed. it died.
then i had a BIG, GOGGLE-EYED fish, and accordingly named him (i dinnoe if it was a him or her, how do u check the genitalia of fishes?!!!!!!!! interesting. anyway, looks like he was strong and lived to quite a ripe old age, that kiddo did...) GOGGLE-EYES... i recall a book of the same name by anne fine. oh but that was ages ago. haha, and my brother acty did a book review on that, sth really stupid i think.. ah, the stupid things we do when we're young! rite, goggle-eyes was fine, until one day, he started swimming backstroke! YESSSSS i'm NOT JOKING!!!!!!!!! everybody i tell this to either laff skeptically, or cast me a weird look. SO i'm REITERATING, my dear goggle-eyes bloated from his minuscule build to this super sized goldfish i couldn't recognise and perhaps, by some warped physics theory, had to swim backwards. and shortly after that, he died. :'(
many other pet stories, but i never had a chance to kip a doggy. i love doggies cos they're so obedient and loyal. where can u ever find a fren who listens but never talks back? someone who looks deep into your soul and mirrors your affection for it... ah, but mommy says dog fur and crap difficult to clear... ='( someday i will... somehow...
speaking of love... i guess i like him, even though i'm not supposed to, cos i want to change him. i had a long, meaningful talk with xx (the other xx haha, go figure), why am i doing this? liking him, then changing my mind, staying away, running, dodging, avoiding... guess we're too different and i'm impractical lusting after something that's so distant.. you noe... imagine a fat, untalented, unpopular, goggle-eyed, dirty old man chasing after britney spears. Only now, the roles are reversed. The ambivalence of love and hate rips my head apart. I hate him for his lifestyle, so glamorous, so unreal! WHO IS HE?! WHO WILL HE OPEN UP TO?! WHAT LIES BENEATH THAT VENEER!? i sooooo want to noe, and get beneath, to be there to understand and empathise, not to be deceived. AND LOVE, it's inexplicable. i have no idea why i feel this way. when i noe it'll get nowhere. i shall just remain celibate all my life. affairs of the heart are really unfathomable. sighs*
yappari (as expected in jap), caring for someone (a person) is different from caring for it (a pet).
all we need is love... sometimes. haha
Sunday,Apr 17 2005, 04:03:02 PMwhy does liking someone hurt so much? the...
why does liking someone hurt so much?
the uncertainty
the doubts
the gossip.
why do you want to try?
to taste the bitterness of failure
or seek the saccharine taste of success?
why does liking someone take so much?
the guessing
the twisting
the waiting
the thinking.
Why do you like him?
why
why
why
Sunday,Apr 17 2005, 03:56:49 PMThe dim lamplight illuminated the gloomy...
The dim lamplight illuminated the gloomy streets; even the moon has lost its lustre. The still humid summer night stung the skins of passers-by like needles. It was hot, too hot after such an enjoyable night. I hurried on... not wanting to be caught...
what?! haha, just musing... as i was walking home from the mrt staion just now.. many a time i have walked down the lonely road and hummed a silent tune in my heart to chase away the inner demons.. albeit my age, yes, i'm still afraid. this morning was at toilet in sph, and although i knew all the cubicles were empty. yet, instinctively, i rushed out the moment i flushed down the urea and toxic fluid (eewwww) MUST BE the jeffery deaver books i've been reading... they rreeallly spook U la... haha
anyways, as i was saying, i was strolling home, obviously NOT enjoying the still, eerie night air. it was after chorale concert... and i MUST SAY, it was overall a success! yayy, one of the best concerts i've attended so far... the em-cees were smooth and spectacular.. tts wad constitutes a successful beginning.. i liked their telepathy and their flawless co-ordination... way to go, cat and kevin!
and i MUST say, the chorale was splendid. absolutely. they were like tuning forks; never outta tune. except once or twice, when someone, some black sheep, decided to stray from the mainstream, establish style of own.. haha, but otherwise, i wouldn't have noticed, or known. for one, the songs were so foreign! never in the least bit heard or dreamt of hearing them b4... and two, they were really professional... was telling teri that they really sound like they LOVE the music they sing.. and that's very impt. to let the music control your movements, your every breath and your every thought. =)
the MOST memorable part of the concert, DEFINITELY is the musical. extraordinary, breath of fresh air, innovative. skit, jesters, pop songs, oldies, dance--- indian, chinese... u name it, they dish it. OMG, the audience was really ecstatic.. everyone i knew was throwing their hands up in surrender and laffing till their sides ached... me too, and must say i wasn't the gentlest gurl there! ahahaha, laaffing like there was only me there.. haha
as usual, i had a good time. why not?! why torture yourself, tell yourself e concert will be boring, even b4 it starts and then bring home only self-centred, inaccurate thoughts? mmmmm
anyways, the whole week buzzed with lotsa activities. campaign. preparation for council. garnering votes. rallying support. making speeches. the last part sucked. shan't say why. but it really sucked for us. din turn out as well as we expected (prob is we din even set any goals :( )
o wells, at least it was an experience. correction, it was THE experience. learnt lotsa new things. how to deal: with stress, deadlines, expectations, breakdown in comms, getting the msg across etc. when this whole thing ends, i will celebrate, no matter wad. gtg, takkaire everyone!