Journals
Saturday,Aug 18 2007, 01:01:55 AMTOMMY COOPER
Tommy Cooper's best gags
By DAVE MASTERS
March 23, 2007
COMIC legend Tommy Cooper had the nation giggling 'Just like that' with his great gags.
And here are some of his finest which have been sweeping the web this week in a hilarious email.
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Two blondes walk into a building....you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high".
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy".
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"